4yr old holding onto his wee and pretending he doesn't need to go when he clearly does!

[IsAnybodyOutThere]

Has anyone else had any experience of this and what did they do. It is driving me seriously mad and I'm worried that it will make him ill. He will hold onto his wee, refusing to go to the loo, furiously claiming that he doesn't need to go when he so obviously does. I don't think I would mind so much if it didn't change his behaviour so much. he doesn't just dance around, holding onto his willy but he becomes aggressive, overly boisterous, can't sit still and downright annoying. He always ends up going and never wets himself but it always at the last minute in a fit of desperation. We have tried ignoring it, getting cross with him. talking to him about how uncomfortable it must be and how he will make himself ill. I worry about the affect it will have on his bladder if it continues. It can't be doing him any good. I'm trying to avoid it becoming a power battle but it is driving me (and dh) barmy. Anyone any suggestions?

[milou2]

Would giving him a bath help, as mine used to wee as they put their feet into the water!

Ask him to do a little wee on a plant in the garden.

Ask him to just do a little wee, then wash hands and have drink/meal whatever.

Maybe ignore, and see if he can gradually work it out in his own mind that going sooner is easier than later. it is great that he does go before wetting himself.

It could just be an annoying, for you, phase. All part of potty training, called potty for a reason. Used to drive me potty, but the whole process worked out in the end, in it's own way.

What about going to the loo more frequently yourself, so he sees that this is something we all pay attention to.

[DANCESwithaMuffinTop]

Oh my dd used to do this all the time, she still does occasionally (she's 4 1/2 yrs) It is very annoying, I just send her up to the toilet as soon as she starts jigging and won't let her carry on with what she was doing before until she's been. Good luck!

[Rantmum]

put him in the bathroom and turn the faucet on - nothing like the sound of running water!

My ds does this with poos. It is a nightmare. Sympathies...

[choccypig]

Bumping thids up, because my DS (7) does it with poos. And it affects his behaviour just like the OP. Aggression, irritability, irrational arguments, and total denial that he needs to go. It started when he was 3, at nursery (daycare) they used to put the TV on after lunch, so he didn't want to miss it and would hang on.
He still thinks doing a poo will take a long time and he'll miss out on something good. And of course it does take a long time if you've been hanging on since lunchtime, and it is now past bedtime, which of course is very handy for dragging out bedtime..
It is just such an annoying habit and I worry that it will do his health no good longer term.
We are currently on rewards for going without being prompted, but would appreciate any tips.

[elliephant]

Hi have you had your DS checked for urinary infections or perhaps a tight foreskin.If something is hurting he won't want to go. My youngest DS held onto everything until he wet himself,and suffered terribly from constipation.He was suffering from recurrent infections due to a too tight foreskin and he would become very cross or withdrawn as well.

[choccypig]

Would a tight foreskin affect poos ? My DS is fine with wees, probably goes 4-5 times a day, but the poos are a problem. Though since yesterday, we agreed he now gets computer time for doing a poo without being reminded and lo and behold he did one fine today...
Then he wouldn't ocme off the Bl**dy computer when told, we'll have to set the timer tomorrow.

[elliephant]

Hi choccypig in my DS case it did but it was because he was holding everything in ikwim.And then because he was constipated doing poos, that hurt as well and so began another painful association . Always knew he needed to go by his behaviour as well.Like your DS he would go when the incentive was good enough but then would slip back into old habits. We've spend the last two years struggling with it, including going to medical clinics but have found diet and star charts ( with appropriate bribe) to be most effective- limited milk, no apple juice, no pro biotic drinks, loads of prune juice, water (fibre no good without it) pears and kiwis, porridge, chopped prunes dipped in melted chocolate etc.HTH

[choccypig]

This is probably all getting a bit too detailed for those of tender stomachs, but the strange thing is DS' poos always seem nice and soft, so it is not really constipation... it's sheer bloody mindedness IMO .. but we often get this thing of the first poo takes a while then there's loads of looser stuff behind that. I tell him it's YESTERDAYs poo that causing the problem, and if he keeps telling his poo NOT to come out then when he finally decides to go, the Poo will say "I won't come out now"
The computer time bribe worked again today, though his general beaviour was what I call *rsy most of the weekend.
I think his diet is fine, but maybe I should concentrate more on your Prune style diet. He loves liquorice comfits from Holland and Barratt..trouble is so do I, and they really do get you moving.

[choccypig]

Beaviour = a posh kind of cub scouts