Highly sensitive child

[car25]

I have a highly sensitive child who has just started pre-school.

She has only done a couple of sessions so far. On the first session she bounded in and hardly looked back to say bye (which is what I expected as she has been left in a creche before with no problems). However when I collected her she was sobbing. It seems there was a particular situation that happened which upset her (now this situation would not upset another child, but my child is particular sensitive and I had warned them about this situation but I don't think they had read the notes I had made at the introductory session).

Anyway, she said she didn't like the ladies, they didn't like her, and she didn't want to go back. Anyway day 2 comes, she stalls eating breakfast, says she doesn't want to go all the way there, relucantly goes in.

Every day since (when she was not due to go in anyway) she has woken up saying she doesn't want to go and doesn't like it and they made her very sad and talks about it intermittently during the day, she now doesn't want to be left with anyone (like her nan) where she was happy to before. She only does 2 sessions a week.

Bearing in mind she has happily been left at creche before, how many sessions would you keep trying for?

[fryalot]

The first thing I would do is go and have a chat with the pre-school ladies and make sure that they are aware that being Highly Sensitive is not just a child being a bit shy, or being a bit finickity. If you are sure that they understand the situation and are willing to help get her over her fear of going, then you need to work together to make things better for her.

Can you go with her for a few sessions until she is settled properly? Will the assistants talk to her and reassure her that the same thing will not happen again?

If that doesn't work, I would keep trying for a bit, because she is going to need to go to school so she will have to get over this at some point, and better now than later.

I hope someone comes along with loads of really useful advice.

My dd2 is a HSC and luckily her nursery are totally on board with the whole thing and she has settled brilliantly, so I don't have any first hand advice, but you have my sympathy and understanding.

xx

[Enid]

yes agree talk to preschool
agree try and work together

if it is still not working then take her out

IME sensitive kids generally like primary school as it is more routine based and quieter than preschool - its the playtime that is often the problem not the actual school lesssons

I wouldnt worry about her having to be 'socialised' that commonly held idea is a load of bolleaux IMHO.

[car25]

Thank you for your comments.

I will ask if I can stay for a few sessions and take it from there.

[fryalot]

good luck and please let us know what happens

[car25]

Will do.

However I get the impression that my staying for a couple of sessions might upset the other new ones, and they may want their mummy too.

I'm not worried about the socialisation side, my LO has two cousins, one very close in age, that we see a couple of times a week, and a couple of children the same age that we have met through various groups.

[fryalot]

How about if you stay for half an hour, then the next day, twenty minutes, then ten minutes... then you just stay for a minute or two until she is settled?

I still go in with dd2 and stay with her until she is happy for me to leave. Mostly nowadays this is almost straight away, but sometimes it takes five minutes or so for me to feel confident about leaving her.

They have moved into a new room this term, and I can see her through the windows, so it's good to see that she IS settled when I leave.

[HonoriaGlossop]

Totally agree with Enid, you need to talk to the staff so they can work out a plan to settle your dd and re-assure her.

If she continues to hate it, take her out and don't repine. I know there is the view that they need to learn to settle to prepare them for school, but the trouble with kids is that they are ready for different things at different times - when she is five, she may well be ready to settle at school. I don't think it HAS to depend on having been at pre-school. And as Enid says school is sometimes actually easier for sensitive kids; that's so true.

I don't think children should have to do things that they are not ready for, and that they hate, just because in a year or two's time they've got to do something else! Give 'em what they need now. You can only meet the needs they have NOW and let the future look after itself IMHO

[emmaagain]

What HonoriaGlossop said.

And of course, you know that

"she is going to need to go to school"

isn't actually true. If her sensitivities are such that school is hell at 5 or at 7 or even at 9, then there are perfectly legal alternatives with which she might be very much happier.

Sounds to me like she's pretty certain she doesn't like this particular pre-school at least. I'd pull the plug, wait a bit, rebuild confidence with the creche she likes etc. You need to regain some trust here, especially if you've worked quite hard to persuade her still to go when she has clearly been saying she doesn't want to.

[fryalot]

phew! glad some others came along with better advice than me

[car25]

Thank you everyone for all your advice.

I have thought very far ahead and would Home Educate if need be, but I don't think it will be necessary.

My gut reaction was to pull her out, then maybe try her again at another setting in September, but she has only been for 2 sessions and everyone else I have spoken to say stick at it for longer.

[michtenstein]

I would also pull her out. My dd is the same we had a very similar experience, I persevered for the term, nothing changed and I regret having made her go that long. It was my intention to HE anyway, I just thought it might be fun for her 'everyone' said she would love it - she didnt.

Just wanted to give my experience.

[car25]

Just an update, I have pulled her out of pre-school. I also got The Highly Sensitive Child book out of the library which has very helpful.

Thanks for all your comments.

[car25]

Just an update really. After pulling my daughter out of the first pre-school, she is now settled and very happy in another nursery.

Thanks for all your advice and I'm so glad I went with my gut instinct.

[Lio]

Hi car, I missed your thread first time round but am so pleased to learn that your dd is happier now.