Help me

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

Posted earlier about DS1's behaviour.

He has been talking about getting a knife and stabbing himself.

Am just ignoring as DH said it is attention.

Is that right?

has just got an apple as he hasn't had any tea and is asking if he can eat it.

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

He has now just drawn all over himself with a felt tip.

If he is wanting my attention for something how does ignoring him help? What if he is really troubled????????????

[cornsilk]

How old is he? Sorry - haven't seen your other posts.

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

he is nearly 7

[leoleo]

I would not totally ignore. but i don't know I am not a expert.

I try to think if i was the child and was doing someting for attention i would prob escalate the behavior.

have you asked him why? and told him you'd be sad if he hurt himself?

how old is he?

[leoleo]

was you having problems before when he was saying stuff to you? and refusing to tidy up?

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

He is 7.

He got dressed when I asked him too.

I explained why he was hungry and asked if he had learnt from this.

I said he can have an apple but I know DH will be cross with me when he finds out.

I feel DS1 has learnt so I should give a bit.

[Twiglett]

why has been talking about stabbing himself NAB .. what is pissing him off at the moment?

[cornsilk]

Have you tried distracting him by doing something else that he wants to do. That's what I usually do with my ds1 when he's off on one.

[leoleo]

have you 2 spent time together recently? doing something together he would enjoy? x

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

Yes, leoleo, and we have had a lovely few days with him being adorable, really good and very helpful and me managing any trials that came along. Something has gone wrong in the last hour or 3.

[Twiglett]

I haven't seen your earlier thread, can you summarise or link?

(7 year olds seem rather full of 'it's not fair' to me ..I think it's burgeoning independence and think there is a fine line between maintaining modes of behaviour and understanding how confusing it can be for them)

[leoleo]

if he's hungry then he has to eat. i'm sure dh would've given him somethingo eat. t

i would've given him the apple -at least it's not crisps.

[littleboo]

NAB, sorry no real advice, but really sympathise with you ,as you know, in a similar situation with my ds1. Try and stay calm with him if possible, sounds as if he is really trying to push the buttons doesn't it. Sadly they do all know which ones to push.

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

here

DH now cross that I let DS1 have an apple. I said DS has learnt so DH said oh that's all right then.

Have I undermined him? I feel like DS1 earned it and I gave him a chance. It's an apple. It's not a flipping chocolate bar.

[leoleo]

well try to think of this as a little set back not a back to square 1 situation. which i am sure your prob worrying about?

what's he doing now?

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

Dh thinks the stabbing talk is to get our attention. I feel said that a 6 year old can know words like that and what it means.

[leoleo]

with you on the apple. not really undermined as long as discussion not held in front of ds IMO

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

DS wants a banana now. Have sent him to talk to DH. DH is cross with me.

[Twiglett]

I wouldn't take away tea as a punishment for otherly focused behaviour personally and think you did exactly the right thing in allowing him food ... dips in blood sugar can make people act stupidly .. feel ill

the only reason I'd take a meal away is if they're refusing to eat it .. and then I'd try to hold off for a couple of hours with no alternatives until bread / fruit is offered

I think 7 year olds are, as I said earlier, full of righteous indignation as a natural part of development

[leoleo]

If it is for attention then why not give it and later in a calmer situation chat it through about how to get what he needs from you both in other ways because you love him so much and it is sad when he talks like that?

what was happening just before he said that? what was you doing?

[stickyj]

Ask him to try and write down why he's sad/angry (I presume he's not SN?, sorry don't know the history) and then if he finds that hard, you write it down, and ask him to put faces on each statement. Sad, angry etc. Sometimes saying it lets it out. Stabbing is scary and something I was a bit shocked about but my ds (9) is very dramatic too, which I know he gets off me and sometimes things escalate without me meaning them too. Why is he asking for attention, or is he just being a boy? Dh and you should not fight either, 'cos I did last night with mine and called mine a really nasty name in front of the kids. You know when you've said it that you really, really shouldn't have? Oh well, keep talking to him but give him space to come to you as well, sometimes when me and ds have had a row, he loiters and then kinda sits near/on me. No words but a hug is then very special. HTH

[leoleo]

can't he have a sandwich if that hungry?

dh has to understand your both on same team.x

[NAB3wishesfor2008]

I was against DH denying them food. I would have given them dinner but no nice pudding.

DS1 and DH now talking.

Have just explained why DH didn't let him have tea and he seemed to understand.

DH has just asked him to do what he should have done in the first place and he will see what DS1 can have.

DS1 talking happily to Daddy and is doing it.

I think DH still cross with them and me.

[emmaagain]

I would never offer food or withhold it as a reward or punishment.

That'd be like telling my child they couldn't go to the loo till they apologise for something. A bit

[leoleo]

stickys idea good - in a calmer moment