6 month old will not be put down - please help

[Cruella]

Sorry if this is a repeated cry for help. I looked though the past threads but couldn't see one too similar. My DS is 6 1/2 months old and will not be put down without a full blown screaming fit which does not abate - anytime! He is a good sleeper and I do not need to help him go to sleep; he is fine at eating, breast and solids but unless he is asleep, or eating he has to be held. It is not that he is clingy to me, anyone will do, and it is not something that has happened recently. He has always wanted to be held and as a small baby I coped. He is not my first; DD1 3 1/2, DD2 2, neither of them were babies that amused themselves easily infact DD2 had reflux and basically screamed for the first 6 months of her life, so I carried her in a pouch constantly for the first 3 months but by 6 months there was a huge improvement so I think that's why I coped with DS for so long. I am now fast reaching the end of my tether. It effects how I am with DDs and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. How will he learn to sit/crawl and eventually walk if he is always held? My health visitor suggested carrying him in a pouch - all 19lbs of him, all the time, but I just don't feel this is right. Deep down I feel there is something wrong, but also I know I am so worn down by it - have others experienced this. Am I just being silly? Will the health profession take me seriously if I go to them as he is sleeping and eating and doing fine on their charts?? Any advice, however hard it may be to swallow, is welcome

[vict17]

Have you got something like a bumbo chair that you could put him in? Or a door bouncer that might keep him happy? How does he manage to go to sleep if you cant put him down?

[yingers74]

cruella, poor you! 19lbs is a lot of weight to carry around all the time. Is it separation anxiety I wonder? How is he when you put him in a high chair or buggy?

[Frizbe]

Is it just you he screams with? i.e if he's being held by your dp/dh and they put him down, does he throw a wobbly? or does he throw one if held by anyone but you?

[emmatmg]

Our Ds3 was exactly like this.
I got the walker down from the loft and from that day on he just followed me around and my life became a breeze again.

Actually, from that day on for about 5 or days days he followed me as by then he'd found alot more in the house that was more interesting than me.

Do you have baby walker? I know they don't recommend we use them but I would have gone around the twist if I didn't have ours.

[Cruella]

Thank you
Vict17- I have just about evey kit going, DS being Number 3, He will not sit in the bumbo chair. Arches his back before screaming, will not lie on his mat, in the Donut (like a big rubber ring) and I promise you he will not let me sit down for more than a few minutes. He has to be up. The only thing I have not tried is the door bouncer, the reason being that DD1 had sever congenital hip displacement when born (her hip joints had not formed properly) all was easily remidied but her orthapdic surgeon told us if there was one piece of equipment he would stop babies using it would be those. He is Ok in his high chair. On a good day we get through the meal with only one screaming fit but there can be several where I take him out, calm him down and start again. Re sleep I spent a week or so (as I did with the other two) following him and finding out when he was tired, then putting him down letting him cry, picking him up and calming him then putting him back down until he "learned" it was now time to sleep - I have followed the advice in a book Sleeping problems in your child by a guy whose name I can't remember right now. I have tentatively tried this when he is awake. The difference is when he is tired he does give in and goes to sleep. If he not tired the cries just go on and on and it doesn't ssem right to subject him to that. I am more worried about creating anxiety. He is a nightmare in the buggy to the point I just don't do it. If I HAVE to go shopping I put the other two in the buggy and have him in the pouch - or hope Tesco sell it!!! He is fine in their trolleys for 20 -30 minutes! It's suprising how many things you can buy at Tescos theses days!!!
I'm not expecting a miracle cure -I just hoped someone could tell me it happens and I just need to live through it!!

[Cruella]

emmatmg
It's great to hear that not only have you been through it but it was with No3. I am so fed up of people being so disbelieving that it's No.3 as they are supposed to be so laid back and I'm supposed to know what I'm doing this time!!!!.
I have thought about a walker before, perhaps I need to think again. I agree they're not recommended but for the sake of all of us DH, DDs and me! I think a short time in it would be OK

[Cruella]

Frizbee - he is not that discerning bless him. He just wants to be held and stimulated!

[yingers74]

I remember seeing an episode of baby whisperer where a mum had a baby who would scream if she put her down or walked more than a step away from her. i can't remember what advice the expert gave to sort it out! Any one else know or even better have a copy of the episode? I think it might help. Sorry Cruella, I have no real advice for you! Just hope it gets easier soon .

[Cruella]

thanks y74. I know it will get better and I don't want to sound like a whinging mother - it has just been a hard day as DD2 has a very bad cold and ear infection and all she wanted was to be cuddled and that's so hard when holding another one!

[cardigan]

All my dds have been babies that wanted to be carried. I was the only one at playgroup to carry my dd rather than put her down to play or just lie out on a mat. I would say just go with it. My dd3 likes to be carried but she now also likes to walk as well. Have to get used to muddy shoes on my coat in the winter!! One observation that I've made concerning my experience is that my dds1&2 are very confident at school - no clinging & crying when I leave. I believe that this is due to the trust they have in me. Good luck with your little ones xxx

[Cruella]

Thankyou cardigan. Although early days both my DDs go to nursery at some point during the week and both are happy to be left and are good at making themselves "at home" in various other places. Am I silly to think it will effect his development re crawling/walking etc?

[Frizbe]

I did see the baby whisperer episode, but can't remember what she did (was stuck to the sofa feeding at the time, a good 10mths ago) maybe you could call her in, anyone know how to get hold of her?

[Cruella]

Frizbe do you think she comes to the homes of mere mortals like me? I will investigate on the net.

[bunnyrabbit]

I remember this episode as I only saw a few. I think the baby would scream when ever the mum left her.

If I remember correctly, she had a rug on the floor in the kitchen/diner and she put the baby on it with lots of toys. The baby would start screaming straight away, as soon as the mother moved away. The mum would talk to her from the other side of the kitchen, where she was busy doing stuff, and then come and pick her up after a short time. I think they gradually increased the time. Eventually she could leave the baby without her crying.

I believe that they tried to get the babe interested in the toys so that she wouldn't realise the mum was gone straight away and then the babe naturally began to take an interest in them anyway after a while

I may have remembered this incorrectly (my apologies if I have) but I know it was a gradual thing and involved lots of reassurance and positive parenting (for the mum as well as the babe!!).

BR

[goreousgirl]

Totally agree with the baby walker. I'm doing everything they say not to - the baby walker is brilliant. Gives them a little independence to follow you around the kitchen...A swinging chair is a handy scream-staller for me too! Also, a baby-gym in front of Baby Mozart or the Teletubbies (v particular) has been a winner. Best of luck (think of all those calories he's helping you burn)....

[kinderbob]

Your baby will still learn to walk/sit/crawl and walk even if you carry him, after all how many african or eskimo babies never learn to do these things, and they have to be carried because the floor is not a safe place to be.

It could be his vestibular system (inner ear)needs a lot of stimulation, hence why he likes to be carried and held. If you carry him a lot for the next month or so this could actually right the problem for you - rather than what you think which is that another month will make it worse.

[kinderbob]

Oh yes, and just to add that Bob was the original attached baby and now he can walk he will only sit on knees if they also have a book or a biscuit on them. Lots of other kids the same age who were always content to be left under the baby gym and now little clingons (and a lot heavier!)

[Cruella]

Thanks KB and GG. You are of course right KB - He will get there it just feels like he won't right now. DD2 (2.2) is at a very clingy phase demanding cuddles and it's hard to juggle them both, but we will get there. Bought a walker this week - swinging chair, bumbo, vibrating chair have all failed so far but we will see how we go.
Feeling better now as it's Friday and DH is home for a whole week!!!
Thanks for the feedback - my first time on mumsnet and I have not been disapointed!

[TracyK]

my ds was the same - although not for as long as 6 months.
Just gradually build up the time you leave him. Pop him on the mat with some toys, crouch with him until he is interested in something and then slowly walk a little away. Let him cry for say a minute and try and soothe him with your voice, and each day just try an extra minute at a time. Mine finally got used to it and had to if I had to go to the loo for a no 2 - this was the time he gave up crying!