If I don't take her fairy outfit in, will she "learn a lesson" ?

[tomps]

DD is 6 and always difficult to get dressed and to school, but I usually manage to get her there on time with a mixture of cajoling, shouting, whatever. This morning I got up early to make biscuits for dd's class party at school them went to help her get dressed, breakfast etc. Dd was hiding in my bed, then snuck out and came towards me - I think she must have believed she could sneak past me without me seeing her ! But I did see her so I smiled at her. So she hit me and started an enormous strop for no reason at all. I was just not in the mood for this so told her that's horrible behaviour and left her to get ready on her own. Reminded her twice that she needed to get dressed quickly in order to have time to choose a fairy outfit to take in for class party. Well she didn't get dressed quickly at all, I had to help her in the end, then it was time to leave for school. At which point she realised she hadn't had breakfast and the Big Tears started along with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. I gave her a banana and 2 biscuits (one of which she threw at me) to eat on the way and she cried all the way there and repeatedly told me how much she hates me. At school I realised that dd was the only one in school uniform - I had somehow missed that note home . (that's the second time I've missed a no uniform day, which dp thinks is terrible of me !) I'm taking food in later for the party - shall I take in her fairy outfit too ? Ho hum, feeling very sad and would have preferred to discuss this with dp but he rather unhelpfully implied that I am to blame for everything ! Must try harder.

[dustyroad]

I agree with tmsjanitor - would take it in - plus some regular clothes if she's getting changed back again.

[goingfor3christmaspuddings]

Take it. My dd is really stroppy at the moment as are most of her friends. They are all exhauseted and over excitied.

[claricebeansmumhasnomincepies]

This is not the issue to stand firm over - she is 6. That's still quite small IMO.

Could you not have chosen the fairy outfit last night and left it by the door ready to go?

[TwinklyfLightAttendant]

Much tantrumming stems from exhaustion. The little ones are all knackered. Take it in, she loves you really, is just overloaded atm.

[LoveMyGirls]

Sounds like she could do with a couple of early nights, that's what I did with my dd when she was that age, messing about in the mornings usually mean she didnt get enough sleep the night before.

She soon learnt that if she messed about it would be bed early which she hates because then she misses her tv time with her dad.

Its a win win punishment in my book, they get to bed early so you get to unwind and have a longer evening, they get more rest and are unlikly to repeat the behaviour the next day firstly because they have had more sleep and secondly because they know if they mess about again they will have another early night, perhaps if she is good tomrrow you can promise she can watch a film early evening and stay up 10mins later as a reward for behaving in the morning?

[EniDeepMidwinter]

deffo take it in

my 8 year old is being an angel but my 5 year old is feraking out she is so tired

[manchita]

I agree with the other posters. It is nearly the end of term, they are tired and over excited. Take it in and write this one off.

[fondant4000]

Take it in. Don't be a meanie We all have our bad days.

My 5 yr old dd does the same things. Better for her to know what a lovely mum you are if you want her to behave better next time.

[OrmIrian]

Take it. Yes she behaved badly and I'm not surprised you feel upset, but she's only 6 and I would hazard a guess she's a bit over-excited and over-tired given it's nearly end of term and Christmas. I should think the fact that she was in uniform this morning would have had quite an impact on her without not having her party clothes too. Perhaps have a chat this evening after school about how she mustn't behave like that and that she upset you too.

DP is being an arse to tell you it's all your fault though.

[Hulababy]

I'd take it in. She's already had a morning being the odd one out, in her uniform.

Every child I know at the moment is shattered, and the tantrums, easily upsets, tears, etc are a plenty. They are just tired and over exhausted.

I am just glad DD has now finished for Christmas (broke up Friday lunch time). She slept in until gone 9am this morning she is so worn out.

[ArcticRoll]

Deffo take in fairy outfit.
I remember vividly when I was about seven or eight my mum forgetting to bring in party dress to school party and feeling very sad as all the others wafted about in their lurid nylon long dresses (this was the seventies) whilst I plodded about in school uniform.
Scarred me for life!

[Chaotica]

I agree with everyone else: Take it. But remember this is not your fault.

[HonoriaGlossop]

I agree too, I'd take it. And I also agree about the behaviour of this age group being pretty dreadful just now, my ds has been either an absolute angel or a devil child for the last two weeks; they're all exhausted and the extra stuff they do in the christmas term, and the changes in routine, do really take it out of them. Definitely a bit of slack needed.

Would she be able to get into a better routine with getting dressed if you brought her clothes down for her and say, each morning when a certain programme came on would be the time for dressing?

Also, could you help more - you may already, just a thought; my ds will be six next year and I still dress him in the morning! He does have some co-ordination problems so he is worse at dressing than some his age, but six is still so young, it wouldn't be outrageous if you dressed her in the mornings, IMO.

[CaptainVimes]

Could you have a chat with your DD over Xmas on getting ready in the morning, when you're both less stressed? Ask he to come up with some ideas she may surprise you

[Tortington]

i think you should take the outfit in - dont punish her school life.

i think that a 6 year old throwing biscuits and hitting you is outragous. dare i suggest that perhaps you need to re-think and incorporate a harsher parenting side? you can do rewards for good behaviour but you must carry through sanctions for bad behaviour.

she isn't 3

[wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons]

TBH I kind of agree with custy. And also lovemygirls re the early nights. So yes take it in, but even if tired and unreasonable I think throwing biscuits and hitting his not acceptable at 6.

[tomps]

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice. In the end I didn't have time to read your messages due to more baking deadlines, but I DID take the outfit in, and got lots of kisses for it. I know dd's tired but more mentally I think than physically, so although she's usually in bed with lights out by 7.30 she's not been asleep lately before 9/9.30 I'm pg and I'm tired too Still p'd off with not very d-p though. One thing that made me more sad today was that we seem to be in exactly the same place as 3 months ago when I started seeing a family therapist to help deal with dd's behaviour etc. That just makes me feel a total failure, and while I don't agree with dp that it's all my fault, I don't seem to have any evidence to back up my argument ! NB dd's teacher obviously keeps a stash of fairy dresses in school as dd was wearing one when I got there She was very pleased to put her own on though. Thanks again

[wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons]

I agree with you re your DP. It sounds like you are trying to be constructive (family therapy) and he is just being critical without doing a great deal himself. I think your DD will be tired mentally and physically if she is not going to sleep until that time. It sounds like maybe she is having trouble switching off, maybe a bit hyped up. Could you try and have chilled, slow pace evenings? I know, easier said than done at this time of year.

[tomps]

must ask school to reduce her caffeine intake