End of Tether!

[Looneymum]

My DD is 2 yrs 10 months. She is a spirited toddler and great fun. I have second DD ages 13 weeks. My spirited DD seems to be able to wind me up to breaking (and screaming point). As I say she is great fun but when I want her to do something ie. get clothes on, wash face etc she is a nightmare. I have tried every trick in the book... race mummy to get up stairs, bet you can't get your top, trousers etc on. She just doesn't listen until I bellow at the top of my voice and give us all a shock. This morning, she is off to pre-school. After clothes and washing fiasco she wouldn't get shoes on so, in desperation and temper, I put on her shoes for her and her coat and picked her up and put her in the car, neither or us speaking and both huffy. Who is the grownup here? I just can't seem to get her to do anything.... any pearls of wisdom other than just waiting a few years....

[coppertop]

Do you tell her in advance that she will be getting dressed etc or do you say something like "Right, it's time to get dressed now"? Have you tried using something like an egg-timer, either in a "When the sand runs out it will be time to get washed/dressed" way or in a "Let's see if we can get dressed before the sand runs out" way?

Was she like this before the baby came along? It may be her way of trying to get extra attention.

[Catbert]

This mostly works (But it is still a battle of wills - which I think is perfectly normal... And it's darn tiring... I have 2.3 yr old and 8 month DDs):

Ask Nicely. Ask once again. Then tell her what you want her to do. THEN SAY LOUDLY I'm going to count to three and when I get to three we are going to (do whatever). Then you have to get a bit forceful, and do (for her) whatever it is you want her to do. Go get her, put her shoes on, wash her face whatever. After a while, even when DD seems not to be paying me any attention at all - as soon as I hit 3, she is heading my way. But you have to always ben consistent. The message is - there's no getting away from the fact that we are going to (do whatever) it's going to happen anyway, might as well make it without the fight. Seriously - it works for me.

Another thing to take advantage of the emerging independence is to say - Can you do it? If not, mummy will do it - and that often gets her going, cause she wants to get all involved with doing things herself at the mo.

The last thing - and I find this quite difficult - is to set a real routine for getting ready in the morning, so everything gets done in the same order, same as bedtime. This way there's expectation and nothing is seeming to interfere with her own agenda. Getting ready for pre-school at least means this will help all of you get ready.

[Looneymum]

Thanks for your advice. My DD has always been like this - even before arrival of baby! I wonder if the fact that she comes downstairs in her pyjamas is upsetting things. As she wakes really early, and isn't very tidy eating porridge, I have given up trying to get her dressed at 6am! I just always seem to be on her case. Perhaps I am a control freak... any thoughts!

[Sozie]

It's sounds fairly normal to me, or should I say normal in my house. I am always trying to be one step ahead trying to outwit my 4 yo and 2 yo after all I am in charge (who am I kidding). I try to repeat the instruction a couple of times and then say don't make me say it 3 times, or, oh well we just won't go then - that usually gets the 4 yo attention. If they are watching TV I turn it off first so they give me their attention and understand what I'm saying. We probably have too much TV in this house.

[aloha]

Hi, the bit you mentioned about not being a tidy eater rang bells with me. Do you think that she finds physically organising herself quite difficult? My son turned three in September, and is physically incapable of getting his own trousers, shoes and top on. He has enormous trouble taking them off even and has only recently, after quite a bit of coaching, learned to take off his own socks. he's not defiant or wilfull or naughty, but he does have a small measure of delay in his gross motor functions and some sensory issues. I obviously don't know your child but I know for a fact that with my son this isn't a battle of wills, but a question of what he is genuinely emotionally and physically capable of. So in the morning, I bring down his clothes and dress him myself. I encourage him to lift his feet for trousers, put his arms through sleeves etc, but essentially I dress him, put on his shoes etc If I expected him to do it himself it would simply end in tears. At least this way we can have a happy time. Of course you have your other child, and in February so will I (yikes) so I am sure things will get more complicated then, so I do sympathise. But I do wonder if just getting her clothes and dressing her would be less stressful than what you are currently going through.