very clingy 11 week old - anything i can do?

[Kerri28]

hello, i have an 11 week old baby girl. she is my first child and i am bottle feeding. From the day she was born i have handed her to all family and friends for a cuddle to ensure she accepts other people readily as i plan on going back to work part time when she is 6 months old and didnt want my absense to be a huge shock to her.

I visit my mum and dad almost every day and they help me look after her, sometimes feeding her, rocking her etc. she is in a very strong routine of feeding and sleeping so i can predict her behaviour very well.

my husband also does her whole bath/bedtime routine every night.

the problem i have is that she is a completely contented baby, rarely crying and just happy to sit on me, or be in my arms, or asleep i her cot during her nap times - it doesnt sound much of a problem until you take me out of the equation - she will not go to ANYONE. she will cry if i leave the room, cry if i pass her to anyone else - even if i am sat next to them.

she "tolerates" my mum and my husband for short periods, but once she starts crying she cannot be settled by anyone except me, and she will stop crying the minute she is in my arms.

please dont think i havent tried letting her cry - 2 weeks ago i went to the dentist for over an hour leaving her with my mum and dad. she SCREAMED from the minute i left the house until the minute i returned

please can anyone help me? obviously i love our cuddles and the fact that she wants to be with me so much, and know that there will be a day when i look back and wish she still wanted me so much, but surely this behaviour isn't normal? what happens when i go back to work and she is left with grandparents/nursery, how can i break this habit?

sorry for the long post

[meemar]

kerri - don't have much advice except to say please don't see her behaviour as abnormal. She is still a very baby young and it is normal for her to find the most comfort and security from you.

It may not seem like it, but by 6 months she may be very different. Carry on as you are by getting her used to other people, but don't force it. Let her come to you if she wants you, that way she will become more secure by knowing you are there if she needs you.

[meemar]

Obviously that should say 'very young baby'

[Kerri28]

thanks meemar - is parenting always this worrying, always trying to do the best for your child and hoping you're not failing?!

[morocco]

sounds absolutely normal to me, at least mine have been like that from a similar age, altho dd has always been fine with my mum, she wouldn't stay with dh for more than a few minutes before screaming until quite recently. she's 8 months now and fine with creche/childminders on the occasions she goes but maybe in a month or so she will be a bit more clingy again. i seem to remember around 9 months being another clingy stage.
it isn't a case of training her up now so she'll be ready at 6 months, more that she will pass through stages of clingyness when she needs you more, then being less bothered about being with others, then more clingy etc. the more you can meet her needs now with lots of cuddles, the more relaxed she will be longer term. 11 weeks to 6 months is a very long time in baby terms. don't worry now about what it will be like later

[jay9]

don't worry about it - it'll pass, she's only young and still finding out about the world and people (all a bit scary when you're so young). 2 things will happen in the next few weeks - she'll start to get used to other people again and not be worried about being without her Mummy and you'll stop worrying about it. And no doubt she'll have other clingy phases in the future too but they always pass. The main thing I found is to carry on doing the same things ie letting her be with other people but make sure you give her plenty of cuddles and reassurance.

Just bear with this tough phase for now.

[Heated]

She's been with you for 9+ months, you feed her and your smell and touch are her comfort so she is behaving entirely normally, esp if bf. When she's a few weeks older and starts to find other ppl entertaining she'll gradually stay longer in other ppl's company.

Maybe you could put dh's worn tshirt in her crib so she starts to associate his smell with comfort too.

[Heated]

sorry misread the bf - how is she if dh bottle feeds her?

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Sounds very normal to me. Don't worry, go with it. Things will change when she's older.

[Kerri28]

thanks for all your posts, so quick!! i will relax and enjoy her company (although i am already tbh!). good idea about the t-shirt heated, i'll so this for all her naps from now on!

in reply to question about dh bottle feeding her, she is fine with anyone feeding her, but she suffers a bit from colic and reflux (not so much that she is prescribed anything, but enough to make her uncomfortable most of the time and has to sleep on her front ) so feed times are very difficult and lengthy processes as she often cries in pain and when she starts crying - only i can stop her!!

i really dont mind being with her constantly, as long as she is happy i am happy, i just didnt want to do her any long term "damage"!!