8 week old just won't settle in evenings or get in a routine!

[threegirls]

My 8 week old dd just doesn't want to get into a routine. At the moment she has a bottle about 7am (5-6oz), then I try and get her to go 4 hours between feeds but she just seems to never to be able to stick to it. She'll prob have another bottle about 9, then about 12 then 3 then from about 6 she seems continuously hungry, but those times change every single day. I have tried and tried to get her to settle in the evenings but she'll doze for five mins at a time but I am lucky if she will actually go off properly before 11.30pm any night, and as I said, she just seems to want to feed all evening. She has already gone from the 75th to 91st centile in two weeks and is on the hungrier baby milk but she just doesn't seem to get filled up in the evening. Once she drops off at 11.30 or later, she won't go through till 7, she will wake up about 4.30 and drink another 5 or 6 ozs. She doesn't seem to have set times when she wants a nap in the day either, she just sleeps different times every day. I feel like I am completely useless, but my last two pretty much got themselves into a routine from the word go and slept all night from very early on so I didn't have to think of any of this. Does anyone have any advice on what sort of routine would be best for this age, what times for bottles and what amounts, and also what times I could try putting her down for naps throughout the day so she will go down earlier in the evening. I just feel like I am getting nothing done and my other two are being neglected because my whole evening every day is taken up with trying to feed and settle her!

[sb6699]

After having 2 perfectly contented babies, my no 3 was exactly the same as yours just seemed to cry/feed non-stop and I averaged about 2 hours sleep per day!!

Not sure what tips to give, other than is she definitely hungry - could it be colic/wind/nappy?

If its any reassurance at 10 weeks the crying suddenly stopped, she slept all night and settled into her own feeding routine

Remember its always going to feel harder third time round with having a newborn as well as 2 other children to look after so don't be over anxious about housework and all that other unimportant stuff.

If you're worried about the other 2 feeling neglected you could try and involve them with settling the baby - my DD1 was only 18 months when her baby sister came along and would sit and talk to her for ages if I put baby in her chair beside her.

[hunkermunker]

She's EIGHT weeks old ffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Two months ago, she was in your womb, held constantly, never hungry, never cold.

And now you want her to feed when you want her to, sleep when you want her to, etc?

Four hours between feeds is TOO LONG for many, many babies.

[Othersideofthechannel]

Sounds to me like you were pretty lucky with your first two. Routines appeared somewhere between 3 and 5 months with my two.

[FairyMum]

Don't stress. Your baby will tell you about her needs.

[threegirls]

One of the things that worries me as I pointed out before is that her weight is going up so quickly because she is non stop feeding in the evening. If she carries on the way she is she will be off the chart before long which is not good! Really don't think you had to be so rude hunkermunker, I started this thread looking for advice, not to be spoke to like that

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Ok, so if you are worried about her weight, what is the alternative? Not feeding her? I know you are not going to do this, so just roll with. Sod the charts! However, I must add I don't know about overfeeding with formula so I suggest you speak to your HV about what is too much.

If she is putting on a lot of weight, but is not being overfed on formula, then don't worry about it. 6-8 weeks is a prime time for a growth spurt.

TBH you are asking quite a lot of an 8wo to go 4 hours between feeds and to sleep through the night.

[LongMeg]

You might not like the way Hunker wrote her post, but the fact remains that what she wrote is true.

Your baby is tiny, has a tiny tummy, and can't hold enough milk to keep her going for four hours. So she asks for more because she is hungry.

It's still very early days, and it's best to just roll with it - feed her when she's hungry, let her sleep when she's tired. Eventually she will settle into a routine - but at eight weeks you are expecting a lot of her.

Many babies, however they are fed, cluster-feed in the evenings - it's perfectly normal, and is what helps her sleep between 11.30 and 4.30, and what will eventually help her sleep for longer through the night. Five hours at night at this stage is good, and even though it's driving you mad, it's the cluster feeding that allows her to do this.

Ease up on her a bit. She's tiny and is not doing any of this deliberately - she is doing it because she is hungry.

[WinkyWinkola]

Don't make your baby wait for food. She knows when she's hungry, needs a cuddle etc. Not any of the routine gurus.

Listen to your baby's needs. She's so very young and there's plenty of time to get the routine established if you're that way inclined. Her own routine will emerge in a few months.

[Oblomov]

A couple of practical tips :
First of all, it seems as though your dd is different / a diffferent personality and has different needs from your first 2 children. Don't let this upset you. Just accept that this is the way it is.
My ds fell into a routine, that you could set your clock by, very quickly, and I was very grateful, so I do understand, but I think you are going to have to accept that you might have to go witht he flow with your third child.
So she is very hungry. So what. Feed her more. So she's feeding every .... 3 hrs. So what. Until your health visitor / Gp, expresses a concern that she is gaining weight too quickly ( which is unlikely that they would be worried by this), why should you be bothered. Who cares ?
And many children do not sleep through. You are wishing that she would sleep from 11.30 -7. But that it 7 1/2 hrs. At 8 weeeks that is a very long time. My son brestfeed and later bottlefed, at 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm, 2am and then again at 6am for weeks and weeks. But I never worried if he was an hour early/ late here and there. Why does it matter.
And eventually he dropped the 10pm feed. Then at 13 weeks he dropped the 2am feed and slept through from 6 pm to 6 am. BUT, in most peoples eyes that is still very early. At 8 weeks, I don't think babies are actually supposed to sleep through ????
My main concern from your post, is that you seem anxious ,and she seems not to be settling in the evening. Maybe you need a very gentle bathtime routine and try and settle her. Also, if she is hungry, she's never going to settle is she ?
If she slept a bit at night, then that would make you less tired and less anxious, possibly ?
Is she sleeping alot or very little during the day ? Do you have a routine, that is gentle, not strict, for getting her up, Feeding, some activity, play walk in the park, then some sleep ?
Tell us more about what you actually do with your dd, what is she trying to tell us here ?
Maybe we could help more, if you gave us some more info ?

[karen999]

8 weeks is very young. I never stuck to 4 hourly feeds. It is too long IMO. My dd at that age was feeding every couple of hours (I was mixed feeding) Even at 5/6 months I was still feeding prob every 3 hours. She is still tiny and I would try and relax and let her set the pace.

[hunkermunker]

I retract the ffs.

The rest stands.

I hope you find a way forward you're happy with. Please remember you have a very tiny baby who doesn't know when she's meant to be hungry or to be tired.

[wrinklytum]

3 girls,

She is still very small to be in any kind of routine,which is very tiring for you I agree.IIRC neither of mine got into any kind of routine until about 4 months.She could also be on a growth spurt hence the constant evening feeding.I think I was feeding every 1-2 hours at this point.Was bf so not sure how it works re bottles.It is VERY tiring when you have other dcs,though.It WILL get better,eventuallly xx

[HonoriaGlossop]

Hi 3girls. It must be really hard dealing with this baby if your previous children did fall into an easier routine; my ds slotted in to quite regular times too and I know how much that helps.

But I do agree with oblomov that perhaps the main thing you need to do is accept that it's different this time. It's nothing you're doing wrong, and there's not much you can do about it, so don't drive yourself round the bend wishing that it was different. In my experience (me, my friends, working as a children and families SW) I really can't think of any baby who went four hours between feeds at 8 weeks! If this is what your elder girls did, I think you may have been EXTREMELY lucky!!!! Two hours between wouldn't be at all unusual.

Personally I think what I'd do is feed, then try to give her a little bit of awake time, playing with her etc, to stretch her awake time as far as she will HAPPILY go, then perhaps offer a nap and see if she goes down. You MAY find that this sort of gentle routine gives you three hours between feeds.

And have faith that this feeding all evening won't go on for ever. Can your DP/DH deal with your other kids in the evening to help you? Perhaps take it week by week, just see how it goes - lots of babies are in a better pattern by 12 weeks.

[talktothebees]

I could have written exactly your post about my DD at 8 weeks. The middle of the night feed dropped off over the next three to four weeks but I thought we were very lucky she was sleeping though so early. She's now 5 mo and still crams as much milk in as she can in the 2-3 hours before bedtime but I guess she needs that to get through the night. She still has no routine as such for feeding or naps during the day but that doesn't bother me because I'm not at all an organised routiney (real word??) person. But if I WAS an organised person I can see that a complete lack of routine might drive me mad. The best advice I read was in an NCT book which said if you want a routine, then for a few days let your baby feed/sleep/play as they like and keep a note of when she's doing these things and you can use that as basis for negotiating a routine with her by making small changes eg gradually increasing the time between feeds. I realised I should let the routine boat sail without me when I couldn't even be organised enough to keep a record of how much/when DD fed.

Would having your baby in a routine make life easier for you because if not, I'd just let her find her own pattern and stop stressing yourself.

Oh and on the weight thing, has anyone measured your DDs length because my DD also shot up the weight percentiles from 75th at birth to 91st at her 6 week check. There were some raised eyebrows until they measured her length and she was on 99.8th percentile so if anything a bit on the skinny side.

[scoggins]

I have a 9 weeks old daughter and 4 hrs is too long - maybe in 4-8 weeks your baby will go that long.
Try feeding at 7:00, 10:00 (top-up at 11:15 before going for nap)2:00 5:00 and 6:15. Then a final feed at 10:30pm and cross fingers and hope for the best in the night.
ALways aim to start your day at 7am
Best of luck

[Oblomov]

And week 6-8 is classic time for growth spurt, as someone else has mentioned. Ds always fed well, but I was ASTONISHED by how much more he fed during growth spurts.

[threegirls]

Think a lot of people seem to miss the point of what I am saying. I am not asking her to go four hours between every feed and I am not asking her to sleep all night. My problem is that she sometimes goes one hour between bottles, sometimes four, and I was just trying to get it a bit more consistent. My main problem though is that she just feeds and feeds all evening and won't settle till between 11 30 and 1 30am and although I wouldn't expect her to sleep all night I don't think it is much to ask to want her to settle before 1.30am when she is up again at 7am, with a feed in between!
I don't care if she doesn't go four hours between bottles, I just want it to be not so all over the place if I can help it although I would like to point out that my other two both went four hours (cause that is just the routine they settled themselves in) and they were fine with it, my first one also started going through the night at five weeks, so it does work for some babies.
Some people have been really nice on here but to be honest I feel a bit let down by some peoples attitude. I was told about this site because people said it really helped but I would hesitate to ask for advice again. In answer to Honoriaglossop, I haven't got a DP or DH unfortunatly so I am afraid they can't help with my other two, but you weren't to know that so it was a good idea!
All I want is a bit of time to spend with my other two or to even try and do something with my complete tip of a house as at the moment it seems like from 7am to 1.30am the next day it is constant crying and feeding!

[LongMeg]

I'm sorry you haven't felt supported - although you have had plenty of good advice here. It may not have been the advice you were hoping for, and it may not have offered the solutions you were hoping for, but I think it has been sensible advice.

You honestly can't expect your little one to be exactly like her sisters were. The fact that they were ready for a routine early doesn't mean that your eight week old will be. Some babies have started to settle by this age, some haven't. They are all different, and sadly it takes as long as it takes - the easiest way is to go with the flow for now, and sod the fact that the house is a tip.

I know it's hard right now but this will pass - she will settle into a better routine, but as has already been said, it's a lot to expect her to do at eight weeks old. It will get better, honestly.

[scoggins]

I would just like to say threegirls that I know exactly how you feel because sleep deprivation makes you totally feel depressed and inadequate and upset. You are absolutely right to want to get order and structure in your life and your 8 week old's life (however you choose to get it) so you can give your attention to all of your children who need it from their Mum.
I am in the same phase as you and have had real dark days since DS2 has been born and if it wasn't for me doing a routine I would be dead on my feet by now. I need a routine because it works best for me and if I am not at my best neither of my children benefit.
There are plenty of books out there about how to get a routine and guide you through sleep and feed times and feed amounts.
Good luck to you and big hugs for 3am (coz I expect you'll be up then just like me)

[karen999]

Threegirls - I am sorry too if you did not feel supported. It's just that you had mentioned 4 hour feeding intervals in your post. I have had my baby in a routine from 6 weeks old so if I can be of any help then please let me know. x

[yogimum]

sorry 3girls you feel a bit let down on here but remember this is a vast website and you will get lots of diverse advise, like a good childcare book take from it what you feel is use to you. People have had different experiences/situations than yourself. I work with mums who have very different parenting styles than my own but I respect their decisions. Its only when I have worked with twins I realise how individual babies can be. Good luck and try to get through the next few weeks, things will settle down.

[Heated]

Hi, sorry you are having a rough time.

There are a couple of things which might help:

1. Move to a 3 hour feed so it's an easier routine to achieve - and then you can adjust it.
   
   
2. The erratic nature of the feeding implies either a)growth spurt or b)wind. Some babies gulp down milk to ease the pain of wind, strange as it may seem, only for the same to affect them a couple of hours later, so more milk for comfort. You could swap formula and use infacol or dentinox with lots of gentle winding.

[Heated]

3 hourLY feed - not a 3 hour long feed!!

[yogimum]

Heated, good post. One baby I looked after was just like that, I learn something everyday.
3girls, have you tried carrying your baby in a sling, it may help them settle so you can spend time with your other children. Or even swaddling might help.

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

I can't help much but wanted to say that what helped me enormously when at your stage was accepting things. I had no previous baby experience and so was completely unprepared for the madness that is a demanding baby. At 17 weeks he is still very demanding and we have no real routine, but I am starting to gently impose a framework for the day. To try and get him into a routine at 8 weeks would have been like trying to make the sun come up earlier, or make grass grow slower ... that's just the way he is.

I realise it would be easier for you to try and get her into set times because of your other two, and you have my respect for managing 3 on your own, but I think with unsettled babies it's all you can do to follow their lead.