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Behaviour/development

So good for her nanny, so different with me..

9 replies

MammyT · 20/11/2007 14:37

I work part-time and we do a nanny-share with another family whose child is the same age as my daughter (16 mths).

My nanny says she never hears my DD cry, that she is so good for her etc etc. When I work from home sometimes, I can hear how good and happy my DD is with the nanny and the other child.

For me though, it's more up and down.. She won't let me do anything in the kitchen at all before shouting "UP UP". She is demanding and won't amuse herself much. She screams when out in her buggy to be carried etc.

She wasn't well as a baby and all she wanted was me. She is still very attached to me and won't let me leave the room without her (she even comes to the toilet with me!). Am I just not being firm enough with her?

All advice really welcome..

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NAB3littlemonkeys · 20/11/2007 14:39

I think this sounds like normal behaviour. I used to be a nanny and the kids were no real problem for me but would play mum up as soon as she got home. I wouldn't take too much notice and don't be temptd to give in or pander to her through any guilt about leaving her. She misses you and wants attention. Just remember to give her it for the right reasons.

And now I will go as I don't have a clue what I am doing with my kids!

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MammyT · 20/11/2007 14:44

NAB3littlemonkeys - that is so reassuring to hear that she isn't the only one playing good girl for the nanny and naughty girl for her poor mummy!

I've just watched them walk out to the car with the nanny and while she would normally run away on me, she waited patiently while the nanny put the other child into the car. Minor miracle..

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mistlethrush · 20/11/2007 14:46

Sounds just like ds. Was/is normally as good as gold at nursery and plays up at home. We do put our foot down with buggy - he can walk or go in the buggy. He can be picked up for a cuddle - but then has the option of walking or buggy. My back wouldn't cope if we'd given in on this one. Ds is definitely ensuring that he makes a definite impression - and knows how to go about doing it. Sounds as though your dd is similar. Its not just you!

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NAB3littlemonkeys · 20/11/2007 15:36

I think a lot of the time the children know that nanny/teacher won't take any nonsense from them but us as parents tend to let them get away with more.

I was stricter as a nanny than I am as a mum. It was easier!

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trockodile · 21/11/2007 10:11

Agree with that NAB. Much easier -even though you may have had them for years and love them very much you have a lot less guilt with charges than as mum and it is easier to be strict! I expect she needs reasurance and is 'testing' you a bit. Be consistent and firm but let her be with you as much as she needs. If you can't pick her up,maybe talk, sing etc.
Very normal imo.

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NotQuiteCockney · 21/11/2007 10:14

This is perfectly normal, and probably not fixable, I'm afraid. It's not about being strict!

Your daughter knows you love her, and feels safe with you, so she can let out her bad behaviour and feelings.

Compare how you treat your DH/DP with how you treat strangers, if you're in a bad mood. You can let it out at your DH/DP, because they'll still love you, but you keep it in when you're dealing with strangers.

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trockodile · 21/11/2007 10:33

Notquite said what I meant to say (beautifully I may add!) It is a different relationship. Children behave differently with different people -granny/school etc. As a mum you have to love unconditionally for ever -a nanny/teacher doesn't.

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bigdonna · 21/11/2007 15:53

i found as a nanny and a childminder,the dc are always well behaved for me,my dc are good for everyone else except me!!!!!

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MammyT · 23/11/2007 23:24

Ladies,
You have cheered me up no end, especially those of you who were/are nannies/childminders!!

We had the mother of all arguments about staying on her tricycle when out for a walk today - she wanted to walk (but in the opposite direction) or to be carried home. Being 7 mths pregnant, I can't carry her for that long anymore. So it was back onto the tricycle and cue crying all the way home . Though to be fair, she isn't great in the buggy for the nanny either!

Some days I wonder why I leave the house!

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