12 month old suddenly won't sleep anywhere but in our arms or in our bed

[hadie]

My 12 month old has recently started to only want to sleep in our arms or in our bed. Since he was 9 weeks old he has slept well and has had a good routine but in the last month he has suddenly become very clingy and we have to rock him to sleep. Sometimes when we put him in to his cot to sleep during the day or at bed time, after rocking him, he wakes up and screams, standing up in his cot as if his life has come to an end! He has now started to wake in the night and I have been up for an hour trying to get him back to sleep in the rocking chair and again, the same happens. We have recently resorted to bringing him in to our bed at 2 in the morning which settles him in about 2 seconds - does anyone have any advice or can at least sympathise? It is a terrible bad habit to bring him in our bed, but we'd be exhausted otherwise. We've tried Controlled crying but its just too heartbreaking....

[jacobandlysetteandabump]

hadie we had the same thing at pretty much the same time. we just went with it for a while and he has grown out of it - generally. he is now 16 months and although we have had to "reteach" him how to fall asleep on his own in his cot, and it has taken some time, he is managing it again.

we do have some nights when he wakes up and comes down to our bed and falls asleep straight away... but then i'm pg at the moment and being lay by not persevering i guess.

i'm led to believe by those with a lot more experience than mine that it is yet another phase that we have been / are still going through.

hang in there!

[emmaagain]

I'd just go with it, and have them in bed with me. When he's no longer afraid to be alone, he'll be happy to go in a cot/bed on his own again

[Weegle]

Sounds like classic separation anxiety. It's just something you have to ride out and from what I read about it when DS was going through this it actually helps to reassure the child as they geunuinely believe you aren't coming back. He's just realised he's a separate entity and that means you can leave, and that's a scary prospect. Play games like peekaboo where you show you come back. Lots of reassurance, lots of cuddles. Also he's probably just starting to understand more of what you say, so even if you are not sure he understands say things like "Mummy is leaving the room now so you can sleep, but I am still here and I will come if you call me". And it stops as abruptly as it started. I think it varies for different kids but DS developed it at about 12 months, peaked about 13/14 months and fine by 16 months. Felt a lot longer at the time!

[hadie]

Thanks for your support. I actually tried controlled crying tonight and after 1.5 hours he did finally stop crying but just stood up in his cot in silence. It was so sad to hear and watch. He got all hot and sweaty and I had to take his sleeping bag off. My husband and I had to finally go in together to give him a cuddle after 1 hour 45 secs and within seconds of holding him on our chests, he was asleep. Not entirely sure that the cc is best for our baby or that it is fixing the problem and not really sure what to do now as that was a VERY long time for him to settle and I really really really dont think I can do it to him again.

[yogimum]

I think I remember my ds doing the same thing. DH has been doing the bath/bed routine and he went away yesterday. DS was hysterical at bedtime, woke up at 10pm and then was in bed with me, up at 6am. after sleeping for 12 hours every night. I let him cry but go into his room every few mins until he goes to sleep. Sometimes I pick him up and cuddle then put down. He's 16 btw.

[yogimum]

16 months not years.lol

[BroccoliSpears]

My dd is 18 months and occasionally decides that she doesn't want to sleep alone. I don't make her. I don't like to sleep alone either and I'm a lot bigger than she is! It hasn't made A Rod For My Own Back, and she always goes back to sleeping happily in her own cot in her own room soon enough.

I've always put it down to teething or perhaps coming down with something.

[jacobandlysetteandabump]

hadie just do what feels right for you. we didn't want to go down the cc route and tbh we haven't - it's been a bit tough at times, but then at times it's all good as well!

[hadie]

Well, I carried on doing the CC in the middle of the night last night and he finally settled after 45 minutes, but that was only because I stood over his cot for the last 15 minutes, patting his bottom. I tried again just now but ended up holding him so he could finally drop off (all hot and sweaty again). I will do what feels right for me, thank you ( I forget that sometimes!. If it means holding him for the last few minutes, then so be it!