how can i tell if behaviour changes are due to starting nursery or terrible twos?

[vnmum]

my DS 23 months has just started nursery. he has only been 4 times so far, he goes for 3 hours a day, twice a week. the first day i stayed but was out of sight and could go to him if he got upset, he did get in a bit of a state halfway through the morning but i managed to settle him after some cuddles and some book reading and he was happy to go and have snack time and play on his own afterwards. when it was home time he didnt want to leave.

the second day due to staff shortage i stayed with him all morning and he just got used to the environment and the routine.

the third time i stayed for 30 mins then had to go for an appointment and the fourth time i didnt stay at all.

each time i have left him i have explained that i am going but will be back later after snack time and a play and he has been happy to give me a kiss and cuddle, say bye and carry on playing. the staff have said that after about 10 mins he realises ive gone and has a bit of a cry but not getting distressed and they have managed to settle and distract him fairly easily. maybe once or twice after this he may have another cry, if the others are crying or theres been a squabble over toys etc, but again the staff have settled him ok.

when i go to collect him he isnt very excited to see me and seems quite happy to carry on playing. he will happily tell me what he has done that day and still gets excited about going to "school" as we call it. on the days he doesnt go he will ask to go and when i ask him if he likes school and wants to go again he says yes.

anyway we have had some behaviour changes this last week and i dont know if its him being unsettled about nursery or just a development of the terrible twos. he has had abit of a cold this week but hasnt seemed overly ill, just a few snuffles, where as i got a chest infection.

i am also nearly 35 weeks pregnant with SPD so i cant get up and down to play as much or take him on walks etc and i have really slowed down recently.

anyway, his speech and play skills seem to have improved since starting nursery but this week he has been getting upset at one of us leaving, eg, if DH is at home at night or weekend and goes to theshop or gets out of the car DS starts crying lots and shouting for daddy. if he's out with DH and im home he is asking for me.
we are also getting more tears and sit down protests etc when hes told he cant have or do something. hes running off more when we are out, in shops, car parks etc, and will have a strop when we explain he needs to hold hands around cars or he will be carried etc. he also seems to want to do alot more himself and is inwilling to hold hands or have help etc. we are getting some toy throwing and hitting but this started before he went to nursery.

how do i tell if these changes are due to him being upset at being left at nursery or just terrible twos?
if it could be nursery, how long should i give it to settle before deciding that maybe hes not ready to go yet?

sorry it long, any suggestions gratefully received

[Spoo]

I would suggest that these are the terrible twos rather than anything to do with nursery. It sounds like he is really enjoying it and I think you will need the time when he is at nursery when your next baby arrives. It might be that some of the clingy issues are to do with nursery or he might be picking up signs of the imminent arrival. I found it hard when I was heavily pregnant with a toddler too. Its so much easier after the baby is born.

Either way - I would try to stay calm and perhaps put some discipline methods in place so that you have ways of dealing with this sort of behaviour before you have your hands full with the next baby. Perhaps talk to nursery as well and see what their thoughts are. It may also be that because he is behaving well at nursery he has to save his frustrations until he gets home. I have this with mine - they tend to be so well behaved at nursery that they go a bit wild when they get home.

Hope this helps.

[purpleturtle]

It may actually be the fact that the arrival of a sibling is imminent, and not really connected to either his age or nursery.

In any case, children have phases where their behaviour challenges us. The reason is almost immaterial. It's more important to develop some strategies of your own for dealing with this behaviour than to spend time agonizing about whether you should have done anything differently and avoided this situation altogether.

[vnmum]

thanks, i did wonder if he could be sensing the imminenet arrival. and i do think i will need the time when hes at nursery when ive had the baby which is why i started him now so he could get used to it

[Ineedacleaner]

It could be a combination of all 3 and not neccessarily a bad thing either way. He is going through a lot of change and it is good he has these weeks to settle at nursery and have it part of his routine before the abby comes. The anxiousness over one of you being away is normal when they go through a change like nursery or whatever and it is just him working it all out in his brain does not mean he is not happy or enjoying it.

DD is 4 and DH works away from home for weeks at a time and she still has the odd time like this now although far less often than before.

[sleepdeprivationandme]

I have a 3 month old and a 2 year old. My 2 year old was unsettled during the back end of my 2nd pregnancy (I also had SPD). We never worked out what the problem was, but maintained a predictable, regular routine for him, which we are sure did help.

Use the nursery time to have a rest yourself, before the games really begin when baby arrives!