DS 2.11 is just unbearable at the moment- please any ideas?

[aaarrrggghhh]

DS is 2.11 and since a month after DS2 was born he has been really hard work- he has always been difficult but the good times are so few and far between it's really getting me down. The sorts of things he does:

wiggles fingers in people's faces or presses fingers on their heads.
Pushes, floors other children and crushes them, snatches toys away.
will not sit still at meal times.
has started pooing in pants at times after being reliably potty trained.
tells other children, strangers or not, that 'I don't like that girl/boy (this one will probably pass quickly as just his latest phrase!).
constant (no exaggeration) whinging of 'I want ....'. 95% of the time, he doesn't want the thing, he just feels the need to complain.

Generally, he is just plain miserable unless he has undivided attention and is out and about somewhere with just me or dh. I can't take him out with other children anymore as he is just horrid to them. Getting cross doesn't work as he becomes even more withdrawn. Being calm works quite often but this is impossible all of the time plus I don't think it's a good idea to totally avoid confrontation is he is hurting others or constantly whinging.

The new baby is having a much bigger impact than I thought. How do I deal with this? I feel very isolated at the moment and my relationship with him is just deteriorating. Can anyone recommend a good book on the subject?

[Desiderata]

My ds is three next week.

I guess you're worried about the impact ds2 is having on ds1? Well, I've no experience of two children, but I will say that my ds is doing all of the things you describe (to a lesser or greater degree).

Honestly, it will pass. He'd be behaving this way with or without ds2 ... it's just his age