Giving a 2 year old a daily choc button as a reward for good behaviour

[boo64]

I have started giving ds (2.3) a single chocolate button at the end of the day when daddy gets home if he is a good boy all day.

It seems to really work as e.g. when we went for our walk today and he started messing around (as he has started doing recently - trying to sit down on the ground etc when we are walking) I just said 'oh remember what I said about having to be sensible to get your choc button' and lo and behold every time he slipped back into it, he stopped and was then really good all day.

So I'm using it as a bit of a threat 'stop x or you won't get your button'.

I'm sure I've seen somewhere that you shouldn't really use food as a reward but this is just one little chocolate button so does that matter if it is working so well?

Generally he is a very good eater of fruit and veg and would pass over chocolate for fruit a lot of the time, so I don't have any concerns there but maybe there is a drawback something I haven't considered?

[expatinscotland]

Don't see what's wrong with that.

[thelittleElf]

I say...if it's working for you then go with it!

[snowleopard]

It doesn't seem that bad! Considering I've seen people give their toddlers a whole tube of smarties to shut them up as they go round the supermarket, it's pretty minor and a nice treat for him.

But one thing I would wory about a bit is if you always bring it up, he might never really be able to express himself and let rip which 2-yos seem to need to do - it is expressing himself to say no to you and to be obstructive sometimes. I do agree he needs to learn not to, but a 2yo who was always perfectly behaved in anticipation of his choc button might just be bottling things up or learning that he must never have a bad temper or an of day. I'm not sure if I'm making sense but I think I just mean make sure it's still OK for him to act like a 2yo sometimes!

[Frizombie]

I used to do that with dd1, then we changed it to, wee on the potty and you get a button, then once we got that, we progressed to assorted bribary including star charts and comics for having a good week.

[LadyHex]

If it works for you, do it!

[TheEvilDediderata]

A daily chocolate button

Mine eats a bag a day. A whole bag. I do think that fruit is over-estimated

[mummymagic]

Hmmm... a daily chocolate button...
And what happens to the rest of the packet? I'm thinking you can't possibly keep them as they would go off so... maybe Mummy has been good today too

[snowleopard]

I give DS a bit of chocolate when I have some, so it's not linked to being good and it's fairly frequent! But I do give him very small bits, so that he now thinks that's how big a bit of chocolate is and is happy with it.

[expatinscotland]

For a quick, yummy desert, slit a banana and then stuff it with chocolate buttons.

Wrap in foil and put it under the grill.

Mmmmmm.

[xXxamyxXx]

dont see any problem use the same reward to get ds to behave when i groccery shop

[boo64]

Thanks everyone - will stick with it.

Don't think the apple as a reward would work as he gets fruit as a matter of course, not just for being good and I wouldn't want to withhold an apple if he hadn't behaved well.

I didn't have a worry about giving him such a tiny bit of choc per se - it's more I wondered if using it as a reward was a bad idea!

Interesting point re ensuring he is allowed to let off steam and have his say. I doubt there's much chance of stifling his rather strong 2 year old opinions but you're right I mustn't go too far to try and make him behave in a way that is unrealistic for a 2 year old!

[CappuScreamO]

you could try stickers

in a special book

my 2 year old would see that as a far more exciting prospect

[purpleduck]

um...going a bit against the grain...BUT, I kinda worry a bit about giving food as a reward. Its just that i tend to reward/console myself with food, and its not a healthy habit (for me!!)

However, I have learned that children will do ANYTHING for a sticker. Bizarre.

Also I would be a bit worried about giving it when his dad gets home. If he has not been "good" will he dread when his dad gets home? It just seems that he might end up getting a bit anxious when his dad gets home wondering "will I get one...won't I...?"


I don't think that chocolate in moderation is a bad thing!!!

[professorplum]

I wouldn' do it tbh. I just don't think food should be a reward. I think a sticker chart would be better and a chocolate button just sometimes just for the enjoyment of food.
People who have food as a reward when they are children can go on to reward themselves/make themselves feel better by binging as adults. Obviously this doesn't happen to every child who is told you have been a good boy, here is your button, but a significant amount of obese adults are obese because they medicate themselves with food.

[mummymagic]

I actually agree. I think it's ok to occasionally give a chocolate bar, a sticker, an apple as a reward for good behaviour but IMO rewards should be the immediate positivity and 'doing the right thing' NOT an external object (iywim). Kids get obsessed with the reward and forget about the point.

By all means, then say 'look, you've been fantastic today - would you like some chocolate buttons? Daddy will be so pleased with you'.

And keep the bribery for when you really need it (embarrassing scene in waiting room etc)

[buzzybee]

I kind of agree with the immediate reward point for a specific action. I used jelly beans with DD when she was toilet training and it worked when nothing else seemed to. But not sure how long a rather general "be good" tied to something quite a long way off will work in the long run. And what do you do when he's been pretty good most of the day? Isn't there a risk it will become a habit / expectation? But so long as you think its working for now and you can manage that expectation I hardly see how a single choc button can lead to a food dependency...

[Anonymama]

Wouldn't beat yourself up over it. A chocolate button is hardly going to lead to obesity, especially if you say he eats a varied and healthy diet the rest of the time. And lots of parents hand out bags of the things to their kids.

However, there is an argument that providing food as a reward may lead to an unhealthy relationship with food, so once the single chocolate button no longers works its magic (as DS is likely to decide he wants more or something else with time), then perhaps you could use other reward systems, e.g. reading a fav book together, watching a fav TV prog., sticker chart, trip out to the park/pool etc.

[snowleopard]

Totally agree that stickers have a magical effect and I'm amazed that my DS at only 2.4 actually cares about them, but he does. I tend to promise him a special sticker for a particular job well done eg "if you can sit still while I cut all your fingernails and toenails I've got a special bus/butterfly/smiley face sticker that you can have" - works a treat. We don't have a chart though - he just sticks it on his jumper and is very proud of it.

(I found a fab packet of 500 various stickers for 99p at sainsbury's)

[Washersaurus]

Snowleopard; I do a similar thing with stickers with DS1 (2.2), I give him a star sticker (he chooses the colour) if he eats all of his food or makes a valid effort to. It has been working like magic, as he was going through a fussy eating phase (again)

He sticks his down the legs of his triptrap chair.

[FrannyandZooey]

Well, if you're really wanting to ponder about the nature of rewards and bribes to get children to behave, there certainly are drawbacks to this technique. It can have the desired effect in the short term, but in the long term teaches children that

a) the reason you should do what other people want, is to see what you can get for yourself

and b) behaving 'nicely' is so arduous and unpleasant that no-one can be expected to do it without some sort of bribe or reward at the end.

Bribes and rewards are a quick fix method and I don't think there are many parents who haven't used them on occasion. I know I have. But as your default parenting technique it is quite lazy and ultimately counter productive. I presume we would all like our children to grow up to be self-motivated, moral people who do the right thing for the greater good of society etc etc? Bribes and rewards really don't achieve this goal in the long term.

[seeker]

Boo64 - has there ever been a day when he hasn't had his button?

[boo64]

Absolutely yes (we've only been doing it for a week) - I explained why he didn't get it. He has a good memory and is quite able to be reasoned with to a point (given he is only 2) so I think this aspect of it is fine.
I see your point Franny re expecting rewards for good behaviour. I'm going to have a think about this.

[mummymagic]

Ah, Franny you said what I was trying to say!