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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

I really need advice re 3 yr old dd

19 replies

mummy25 · 10/10/2007 10:57

Hi. My 3 yr old is being so naughty, and im at the end of my tether. She kicks and screams when she is being told off, she shouts, doesnt listen to a word i say, bites me etc. Its been like this for a while, but now im starting to think it could be something serious. I have tried ringing my hv but as usual got the answer machine. I have even rang the docs and broke down on the phone. I just dont know what to do anymore.

OP posts:

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NAB3 · 10/10/2007 11:04

Sounds like typical 3 year old behaviour. Mine is 4 and has recently kicked me. She has just started school and their behaviour alwasy changes then.

You need to decide what your discipline is going ot be and stick to it.

Counting to 3 and then to her room/on the naughty step if she doesn't stop. 1 minutes per year of her age.

Anything physical is straight to the step, etc etc.

mummy25 · 10/10/2007 11:06

we have tried the step and its really not working. as soon as shes off, 5 mins later she is being naughty again. she hasnt just started school. shes been going to the nursery since she was 2 xx

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mummy25 · 10/10/2007 11:07

its getting to the point where she is pushing me to breaking point. im actually scared of what ill do if i dont walk away. THATS how bad it is.

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NAB3 · 10/10/2007 11:11

Keep putting her back every time. You have to be consistent and believe me, I have 3 monkeys and know how hard it is to keep going.

casbie · 10/10/2007 11:11

if you see the dangersigns of a major strop, why not try a cuddle?

this usually stops mine (three kids 7, 4, 2) in their tracks...

if they are going for full on trantrum, i just wait till they are finished and then give them a cuddle.

strangers sometimes stare at my dd or ds throwing themselves on the floor, and go *tsk, but as long as they are not hurting themselves, i leave them be. wait till finished and then give them a cuddle.

has something changed in her routine?

cornsilk · 10/10/2007 11:11

Agree it sounds normal. Have you tried sticker charts and rewards? The step never worked for me either. Have you got a puppet you could use or something like that. Sounds mad but it worked for my ds's! I also recommend 'toddler taming'. I found it really useful when my ds's were at that age.

NAB3 · 10/10/2007 11:12

Kids are quick to pick up bad habits but just as quick to learn new routines.

TrickORTripletEm · 10/10/2007 11:13

Don't panic!! I'm sure lot's of mums will soon be telling you how they experienced exactly the same behaviour with their dc's. She's at that point where she is testing how far she can push you. I choose a chart to deal with my ds behaviour, give them a certain amount of points or pennies at the beginning of the week and every time they play up start taking the points or pennies down. When they start to see a concequence for their behaviour it makes them think about what is going to happen next time. I know that it is hard to stay calm when they are pushing you to your limits and if you feel that it gets too much,place her somewhere safe and give yourself two minutes in another room. Let her kick it out, when theres not an audience she won't find it as much fun!!

casbie · 10/10/2007 11:13

usually, it's just frustration at not getting their way/being understood.

it will pass!

mummy25 · 10/10/2007 11:15

nothing has changed at all in her routine. have tried sticker charts/reward charts. had the hv out before who recommending a thinking chair, none of it seems to work. the thing is there are no signs. one min shes happily playing, the next its a full scale tantrum.

OP posts:

mummy25 · 10/10/2007 11:16

thanks ladies, i will try the pennies one. she loves money lol! i feel a lot better now, knowing its not just my dd thats like this!

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LowFat · 10/10/2007 11:18

My DD has just gone 4, but her behaviuor went through a bad patch, if she did'nt like what she is told she would stamp and jump and shout, occasionally hit in a frustrated way, so I started to just walk away and ignore.

Try it with your DD, walk away from her when she does it saying loudly - so she hears - I am not talking to you again until you calm down and stop shouting at me. And make sure she understands that any biting, hitting etc must also be apologised for before you will speak as well.

My DD just recognises from my body language that I am about to turn away from her now and she calms down instantly.

Good Luck - it's not you, it them!

wannaBe · 10/10/2007 11:21

everyone warns about terrible two's, no-one ever tells you that once they hit three it becomes 10 times worse. I've heard three year olds referred t as threenagers because they're just like stroppy over emotional teenagers.

The key is to be firm and consistent. If she is naughty put her in time out, with very clear reason as to why. "mummy has put you here because you hit me/kicked me/screamed/wouldn't do as you were told. Then shut the door and walk away. As long as she is in a safe place she really will not come to any harm. Personally I prefer a room to a step as you can shut the door on a room and the child cannot see you/you cannot see the child and there is less chance of escape. When her three minutes are up go back to the room you have put her in and open the door and say to her "why did mummy put you here?" she should be able to tell you. If not then tell her why and explain that we don't hit/kick/scream/when mummy tells you to do something it is for a reason. then get her to say sorry and give cuddles and go back to what you were doing. If she starts again 5 minutes later repeat the process, again, and again, and again, until eventually she will learn that the behavior does not gain her any attention.

And then reward the good behavior. sticker charts are good for recording any kind of behavior, smily face for when she's been good, you could divide the day into slots say half hour slots and she can get a sticker for every period that she has been good. If she gets sent into time-out then she can get a sad face for that period. All smily faces result in a treat at the end of the day, all smily faces and one sad face will be a lesser treat, but two or more sad faces will be no treat.

She will learn.

knat · 12/10/2007 09:47

my dd is 4 next week and i've been in tears this morning - she is so argumentative and has aggressive bursts and shouts. Unfortunately she is like this at preschool as well and today she was terrible wheni took her - trying to take things off the other children shouting they were hers, and i think its harder to react to this behaviour in that setting - at home its easier to do a time out type situation (which i had to do this morning before preschool - and it worked after the third time of putting her in it). I really sympathise with you - unfortunately i dont have any ideas - i've trie dmost thingsand the time out situation does work at home generally speaking but outside of home i really dont know!!!!!!

BadZelda · 12/10/2007 10:00

I've been having a bit of success with a home-made sticker chart: little gold stars for good behaviour, and black marker crosses for bad. DD really doesn't want those black crosses on her record! We write next to them what they were for as well - so we can read through later and tell her how good she's been. Time-out hasn't worked at all for me so far...telling her 'you're a good girl - I know you're not really naughty, what's happened to make you do this naughty thing?' seems to be having much better results for me than: 'that was naughty' - and keeps me much calmer too.

3Ddonut · 12/10/2007 10:14

Just wanted to say that I feel for you, my ds displays much the same behaviour and it's really hard going some days. The key is to find something that she will respond to, if you think the pennies will work then try that! Good luck. Sometimes I turn it around, if he won't pick his toys up we say 'quick see if you can pick those up faster than I pick these up' etc and he tidies like a good 'un! (sometimes....)

sagitta · 12/10/2007 10:23

I have exactly the same problem - I'm at my wit's end but my dd is only 22 months, and doesn't really understand rewards/ punishment, I don't think. Every minute of each day is a battle - getting dressed, nappy change, mealtimes, getting out of the door. Any advice? (Don't mean to hijack thread...)

Bearus · 12/10/2007 10:48

Totally sympathise with all your messages. My 3 year old DD is just the same as you all describe here. Heaven knows what she'll be like as a teenager. Maybe it's the imminent arrival of a sibling that's doing it but she's always been a 'sprited' child.

I really resent her for being such a handful sometimes. I'm going to go back to the sticker charts too I think. They worked for a while during the terrible twos. What also sometimes works is putting her fave toy up on the fridge - somewhere she can see it but not have it until she behaves better.

Oh please - I hope this phase ends soon for all of us!

BadZelda · 12/10/2007 15:32

I've come around to thinking that it's really related to my stress levels. I've tried being more laid back about dirt / mess / running away and she does seem to have calmed down a lot now that I'm not shouting and keyed up all the time (not to say that you have been: just what I discovered since having DD2 and being a lot more stressed)

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