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Behaviour/development

depressed 8 year old

3 replies

subs · 18/10/2004 22:29

this is a plea for advice. my baby and i have recently left her father because he is an alcoholic and child-like man. as ever, he sunk into a depression. he is now on prozac and seeking counselling and althogether seems much better.

however, whilst he was depressed he had an 'episode' infront of the baby and my step daughter who is eight. this involved smashing his head against the wall outside my home while i kept the girls inside the flat with the curtains closed and tried to explain that sometimes daddy got sad.

fortunately, it seems not to have affected the baby. but his other daughter is desperately upset and depressed. she was very concerned for him after this event, but when she saw him (with her mother) he was shaky and edgy and on the verge of crying. this was about two months ago and now it has escalated to the point where she wont be seperated from her mother except to go to school. she wont go with her father (he is, at the moment, fine to be around my baby and my step-daughter's mother would be happy for him to look after her for a bit). he makes no real effort to help her in this - he works at weekends when i'm sure he doesn't have to and never tries to seems sane and happy around her. when we were seperating, i aksed him to talk to her, to explain and help her with it, but he said he didnt understand it so he couldnt help her - he never manages to put his childrens' needs first.

i am really worried about her. clearly she is angry that i have left her father, and i think (understandably) shoked, scared and so upset by what she saw. she seems to be getting worse and neither her mother nor i have any idea how to deal with this, beyond makinng her feel safe and loved.

help - does anyone have any experience of this, or any suggestions of proffesional help for her.
all ideas gratefully received.
thanks

OP posts:
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Jodiesmum · 19/10/2004 09:04

Hi Subs, I definitely agree she needs help and it should be from someone outside the situation, so she can say whatever she wants. I saw a counsellor when I was that age and although it didn't solve all my problems (a bit similar to hers actually), it did help a lot - both at the time and in later life. Not sure how you go about finding someone but maybe best to start with the GP? Otherwise is there a counsellor at her school? Or if you live in the London area you could try ringing the Tavistock clinic which works with families and children. If not, is there a local counselling agency that sees children? Maybe try your local council's information and advice service?

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zebra · 22/10/2004 19:44

Bump for you, subs.

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littlemissbossy · 22/10/2004 19:50

Hi subs, yes she definately sounds like she needs some help Her mum should take her to their GP to ask for a referal to the nearest child and family unit (community mental health) who WILL be able to help possibly on a one-to-one basis or through family therapy sessions. Good luck x

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