Can you please help me - I am finding my 11mo difficult

[Jessicatmagnificat]

DD is 11 mo. When she was born, she was very unsettled and everyone said she was very colicky and would outgrow it. She did, but has continued to be whingey and cries a good deal throughout the day unless everything is exactly to her taste. I had hoped that as she got older, and learned to crawl, she would feel happier and less frustrated, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

I have started to feel quite down about how much she whinges and to really doubt my parenting skills. I talked to my HV about it. She spent some time with me talking about DD and observing her. She said that DD is one of the more difficult babies she has ever seen (tell me something I don't know!) She told me that DD was bright with very good comprehension, and was possibly frustrated because she cannot make me understand what she wants. She also advised me to start ignoring the whinging unless something is actually wrong, and that it wouldn't hurt DD to wait a few minutes for my attention sometimes.

I do this, but am still feeling low about how high maintenance she seems to be. I realise that without seeing us together, it is hard to guess what is wrong, but I am desperate for some advice or tips.

I love my DD so much, it's just hard to like her sometimes. I don't want to be negative about her all the time; she can be very loving and does seem so bright in so many ways. I just wish we could co-exist a bit more peacefully and that she seemed more content.

Any tips or advice?

[WideWebWitch]

Make sure she has plenty of 'new' toys, things that make noise etc
Baby Mozart for shortish periods is fab, lots of bright colours and music that, importantly, you can stand in the background
get out of the house as much as you can, spend time with other mothers if you can, social isolation is v hard
I wouldn't ignore the whinging because I think at this age they want somethng (they don't know how to 'winge' - they just know they want somethng) so I think try to stop thinking of it as that and always check a) food b)water c) sleep d) nappy e) entertainment of some kind

[WideWebWitch]

Do you think she's in pain? Could it be wind? 11mos are hard work, they suddenly get some idea s of what they want without the tools to communicate it!

[CantSleepWontSleep]

I can relate to having a difficult 11 month old. You might like to read my thread from when dd was this age.

She is now a delightful (though still spirited and demanding ) 20 month old.

[RubyShivers]

what about a trip to the local playground if she is active
local messy play group

MY DS used to love going out and about even if it was just to the supermarket, or walking for an hour

also, babies love other babies - place your DD in front of a mirror so she can "talk" to herself

what about swimming?

[CantSleepWontSleep]

On the pain thing, my dd was/is milk intolerant, and if she had any dairy she would scream/cry a lot too. Consequently she didn't have any dairy from 4 months until last month. Does your dd have any similar medical conditions?

[Jessicatmagnificat]

Thanks for the quick replies.

We do get out a lot - I find it is one of the only ways I can cope tbh. She enjoys going out, and is fine for the first 15 -20 mins we go to an activity, but then usually starts crying. We have left an awful lot of activities early!

I do try hard to anticipate her needs - we have started Baby Signing with this aim in mind - but sometimes I'm not even convinced that she knows what she wants!

I think I feel down because right from the start, people kept saying "it's a phase, she will grow out of it" but nothing seems to change much.

[BettyBatShapedSpaghetti]

I was going to recommend baby Signing but I see you're about to start that anyway. Its supposed to be good for helping them overcome the frustrations of trying to communicate.

[lilospell]

A friend of mine's DD was very like you describe - apparently. I say "apparently" because we never saw it. When my friend had people round, she was more likely to ignore her DD's winging and DD soon stopped. Also,DD had lots of other little babies to keep her occupied. My friend was more relaxed when we were round and I'm sure the baby picked up on that. The reason for her and your DD's behaviour might be completely different, but all I am saying is as others have said, find ways of spending time with other people. Even if it doesn't fix your DD's whinging, it'll give you a diversion. I agree with your HV, as long as you know it's a behavioural thing rather than a "hurting" whinge, ignore her but when she's not whinging, give her lots of attention.

[MaeBee]

is your lo getting enough sleep? my 12mth old is monstrous when he doesn't get it.
and, i know this is dead hard, but do you think she picks up on your anxiety about it? i know when i find my boy difficult he becomes more so.
something that works with mine, when he is whinging or wriggling, i say: show mummy what you want. and put him on the floor, but with me crouched down too so he knows im not going anywhere. and it really helps.
also, giving my boy choices helps. i offer him 2 tops to choose from in the morning, or 2 books to read. so he feels in control but not too in control.
i think babies go through difficult stages at all different times. is she walking yet? my boy reached another level of happiness once he could walk and say some words.
i would try monitoring the food thing too, it could be that your child is uncomfortable with something, and its possibly food.
and continue to be the loving kind parent you obviously are, and give your little one lots of cuddles.
ps - i wouldn't necessarily give lots of things to your wee one, sometimes too much choice or toys can be overwhelming, especially noisy beepy stuff. i really liimit my boy's experience of those things. they seem to drive us both mad!