Why you need to be thick skinned for this parenting lark!

(95 Posts)
jellybrain Fri 19-Oct-07 00:02:28

ds1(THEN AGED 7.5):
DS:ask me a question about the Tudors.
Me; But I don't think I know enough about them to catch you out.(he likes a challenge and would've been insulted by a ? on Henry vii's wives)

DS1: Didn't you do history at school?
ME: Yes, but i wasn't very good and can't remember much now(it more than 20 yrs ago fgs)
DS: What were you good at exactly - rolls eyes and exists stage leftblush.

He's is on the autistic spectrum(aspergers) and reads obsessively.As a result his general knowledge is huge. Bring on the mum & son Who wants to be a Millionaire (I will of course just sit there looking pretty) grin

Glad everyone's enjoying this thread. grin perhaps it'll be one to come back to now and again.

Pruners Mon 15-Oct-07 16:53:55

Message withdrawn

stepfordwife Mon 15-Oct-07 16:45:24

it ranges from dd (2.6) constantly trilling:"mummy not pretty! mummy not pretty!" to...

ds2 (6) staring at me quizzically in teh shower and asking:'mummy, why is your front bottom furry?" to..

ds1 (8) telling his teacher it's "daddy's kitchen" and the only reason his mum ever goes in there is to put her wine in the fridge! (got me sussed..)

oh, and when i'm not stocking up my wine supply in the fridge, i'm always down the pub apparently
if only....

andiem Mon 15-Oct-07 15:44:45

when I told my ds1 that i was going to be a sahm after lo was born he burst into tears and said but I love breakfast and after school club can't I go anyway
he suggested i could work 2 days maybe

so much for my vision of being a yummy mummy

suedonim Mon 15-Oct-07 15:37:16

Dd2 to me: Mummy, would you like me to send your name in to '10 Years Younger'?

just remembered another one from last month.

dd's dad came over to visit her, she adores him like you might expect.

dd: sit down daddy! sit here! read a book!

dd brings over some new books and scoots up on the lounge next to H.

me: ooh a new story, shall i listen too?

dd: No Mummy <shoves me away>, go and watch 'puter!


but i do get all the "love you mummy" so can't complain....

WindlePoons Mon 15-Oct-07 10:28:35

Oh this has made my day...

This tread should be made into a book

smugmumofboys Mon 15-Oct-07 10:06:52

This thread is very funny!

In the car with DS1 (5)

DS: Mummy, how far away is the sky?
Me: Erm, quite a long way away. Why don't we ask daddy when we get home? (physics teacher)
DS: Yes. Daddy's really good at that kind of thing, isn't he? Like science and things.
Me: Yes. What am I good at?
DS: You're good at hugs and kisses mummy. And jobs.

(Am actually Oxford graduate and teacher! hmm I suppose Xenia will be along soon to point that that's what sahming does for you!)

edam Mon 15-Oct-07 09:51:10

My mother still remembers me, as a toddler, watching her put on her bra and commenting: 'Mummy, tummy – up!'

susiecutie Mon 15-Oct-07 03:31:03

how funny ! what a great thread!

when my Dd was about 2 months old, we were staying at my brothers house. my nephew was chatting to me while i very carefully got dressed ..

neph: (age 7)
wow aunty susie your tummy is SOOO floppy now! why????
because ive not long had baby isobel
was that her house then?
yes, i suppose it was love.
well, now its an empty baby house shouldnt it be gone by NOW, it was over 2 months ago... or have you moved another one in already?? ( rolling eyes)

Then as he was leaving the room...
"and there's no point in trying to hide those (pointing to my boobs) aunty susie, they are FAR too enormous, and you do get them out EVERYWHERE anyway (rolls his eyes again )

I hope Dd is along time talking if thats the kind of thing she's going to say...

Oh and my brother and nephew ( same one) pretend to stick cheese i there ears when SIL sings.. ( a la 'Allo 'Allo )

grin grin

ScaryJaamy Mon 15-Oct-07 02:36:50

Thanks for making me laugh!

Great thread, jellybrain!

I get told by DD1 (3.5yo), "You are very very very very like Fifi, Mummy"

"Why?" Thinking of perhaps her cullinary or gardening skills.

"You forget a lot, don't you?"

And it's true!

TheEvilDediderata Mon 15-Oct-07 01:59:48

ds on leaving a store in Bristol ..

'C'mon Mum. I've got a better sense of direction than you. It's this way.'

He's two. And he was right blush

twentypence Mon 15-Oct-07 00:46:26

That's better then - I thought you had at least 7 children and a job.

bookwormmum Sun 14-Oct-07 22:44:21

Sorry - Sunday night syndrome blush.

edam Sun 14-Oct-07 22:36:08

bookworm, you've been around a while, you must have noticed the figure at the end of dd/ds refers to birth order, not age?!

bookwormmum Sun 14-Oct-07 22:29:34

Age 7 grin

twentypence Sun 14-Oct-07 22:23:51

dd7 shock

bookwormmum Sun 14-Oct-07 22:00:26

I was told off today by dd7 as I've got to work at half-term. Apparently I have to go and tell my boss I need the time off hmm.

This could be problematic as I'm a temp covering holiday leave - and am hoping to wedge my size 7s well and truly under the table before the perm girl come back (she's already mentioned she may be leaving soon since the job is not what she anticipated hmm).

Talk about pour more guilt on your head for being a WOHM anyway.

lupo Sun 14-Oct-07 21:58:24

No mummy, you go back to work (as I walk in the door from work) I only love daddy and gordon - the engine from thomas and his friends...

DS (3) says this too me alot..nice to feel wanted eh!!

He also for some reason informs everyone that my name is marge --not quite sure why

MamaD Sun 14-Oct-07 21:43:56

dd (2.7) to dh 'Are you old daddy?'

dh 'Why?'

(dd points to his forehead) 'Coz you've got stripes!'

and a few minutes later, looking up her fathers nose 'eewwwww, spiders up your nose!'

(not a good morning for dh!) Mind you, I get 'I'll do your belt up mummy - oh no, your belly is too fat' quite often in the mornings!

Jackaroo Sun 14-Oct-07 20:01:58

I'm sure bestfriend will kill me if she reads this, but ...

(scene: Sunday school for 4-6 year olds, being led by Bishop's wife... )

BF's 5yrs old daughter to Bishop's wife: You've got bosoms on your bosoms like my mummy ...I can see them.

(bosoms on bosoms being nipples)

twentypence Sun 14-Oct-07 09:25:30

"Mummy that spot has got so big we can't see your nose...

and your nose is big - so the spot must be 'normous"

Cue two hours of singing "Mummy has a normous spot, normous spot, normous spot. Mummy has a normous spot and her nose is big" to the tune of London bridge.

I am allowed to sing though (expect KT Tunstall songs which only he is allowed to do cover versions of).

woodstock3 Sun 14-Oct-07 09:21:35

my niece, not yet 3, was begging me the other day to draw stuff for her. im admittedly not artistic but i did a cat as requested which was at least recognisable. she looked at me sternly and said "it's not very good is it?"
thank god ds cant talk yet. grin

Elasticbandstand Sun 14-Oct-07 09:05:50

according to dd i look like miss trunchbal blush angry

LucyJones Sun 14-Oct-07 08:54:30

At M&T 3 year old ds goes round all the mums giving them pretend cups of tea with the tea set they have there.
When he gets to me he always, without fail, gives me a plastic wine glass and says 'wine mummy? I know you don't like tea'
blush They probably all think I drink wine at 2.30pm !!

Summerfruitfullofscaryworms Sun 14-Oct-07 08:46:39

DD (3), DH and me were in our bedroom discussing about going to swim

DH : So dd, are you happy that Mummy comes with us at the swimming pool ?

DD : No Daddy, she cant come !

DH : Why that dd ?

DD : Well...she's too fat and then she pointed at me : Look at her...

Maybe it's time to lose all that baby weight..blush

MiloMummy Sun 14-Oct-07 08:17:16

These are fab - I honestly haven't laughed out loud like this for ages!

onlygirl Sat 13-Oct-07 21:43:10

my friends little boy said to her "don't worry mummy your not fat your just large" well if that wouldn't make you feel bettersmile

RubberDuck Sat 13-Oct-07 20:25:37

I picked up ds2 (3.5) from nursery the other day, gave him a huge hug and said "mmm, your hair smells nice"

He replied in a nice loud voice in front of all the other mums "and you mummy... you smell STINKY!"

Sheherazadethegoat Sat 13-Oct-07 20:21:41

dd told staff at nursery i was a dancer and i arrived to find them all sparkly eyed in wonder at me. there really wasn't a way to let them down gently, i work in IT.

crayon Sat 13-Oct-07 20:14:53

My son's speech therapist has a knack of asking questions that elicit the most embarrassing answers. The latest ...

Speech Therapist: And what does Daddy do?

Son: He works at a circus

Speech Therapist: A circus?

Son: Yes he's a clown

(DH works in IT)

theFlyingEvil Sat 13-Oct-07 11:52:42

dd2 (17months) shakes her head when i start singing

dd1 used to look at me and say firmly "today is not a singing day thank you!"

now she joins in grin

hopefully dd2 will get used to it too! grin

Kateaw Fri 12-Oct-07 22:24:20

DD (3.3) loves "Granny all the time, Grandpa all the time and Daddy all the time".

What about me? I'm just there all the time sad

fizzbuzz Fri 12-Oct-07 21:25:08

Ds then age 5, informed me I had a bottom "just like Mr Jelly" angry

Oh the silver tongued charmer......

Drying myself after my shower, DD (3) walks in:

"Yuck, mummy, when I grow up I don't want a hairy bottom like you."


Turquoise Fri 12-Oct-07 21:08:57

They don't get any kinder when they get older. Ds (12) was in bed this morning with flu, and I was on the computer. Will Young came on the radio and I sang along with gusto.
Ds appeared in the doorway and said "Oh it's you. I heard a wierd moaning sound and wondered what it was."

HairyIrene Fri 12-Oct-07 16:04:14

doodledoo..thats a corker!
serin..got the recipe?..not! lol

castille Fri 12-Oct-07 15:48:07

Me to DD1: "you should eat up all your vegetables so that you grow up big and strong."

DD1: "I don't want to be big and strong mummy, I want to be just like you."

stripeymama Fri 12-Oct-07 15:39:04

When I was about 6 I used to go to Wildlife Watch things at the weekend, learning about trees and animals and mud etc. Came home one saturday, got put in the bath, stepdad came in to do a wee and I told him "your willy looks like an owl pellet".

mistypeaks Fri 12-Oct-07 15:35:30

My DD1 (2.4) spied the mop in the kitchen. Now bearing in mind DH does all the mopping as I work nights and we all know mopping has to be done BEFORE you go to bed(!?!?!?). She pipes up dadda mop
me Oh daddy mops does he?
DD1 (Y)esss. Dadda clean
SHE Oh is daddy clean
DD1 Nooooo dadda do clean. Dadda osh up (wash up), dadda cook (?er when?) dadda howver
ME (a litle tetchily) Oh and what does mommy do?
DD1 (looks thoughtful for waaay too long) er momma trump!!!
The worst bit was daddy was in the room at the time - pissing himself

Fimbo Fri 12-Oct-07 15:21:26

Ds (nearly 4) told me this morning "you know mummy, I only love daddy and grandpa". Then launches himself at me and gives me a big cuddle. Men - such fickle creatures grin

Piluncha Fri 12-Oct-07 15:15:34

Forgot to add that I'm glad I'm not the only one that when I start singing DD1 and DH start shouting above me to stop me

Piluncha Fri 12-Oct-07 15:14:16

LOVE this thread!!!

Fortunately my two DD haven't started with those lines yet although DD1 will probably start any minute!

Love the posh aunty one

jellybrain Thu 11-Oct-07 20:23:39

Dd:Mummy you got a spot (poke prod etc)
Me: oh, have Iblush
DD:Yes, I need to get B's maglieefying (sic)glass so I can look at it better hmm

pollywollydooooooooodle Wed 10-Oct-07 22:44:09

my only plus stripey mama is that to dd apparently my farts smell (D)elicious....(glad i get something right!)

ROFL suzi!

suzi2 Wed 10-Oct-07 22:06:13

I'm now quite glad DS is bit slow on the speech front!

As a child, I told one granny that I preferred the other granny to her as she wasn't all wrinkly to look at.

And I told a good looking young salesman that my mum was on the toilet doing a jobby, just as she appeared behind me at the door. she has never forgiven me.

stripeymama Wed 10-Oct-07 21:53:37

Grim isn't it.

And of course "Daddy is cleverer/kinder/richer/never horrible/better at looking after me"

Yeah yeah. That's because he only sees you one weekend in eight.

This evening I was told that I do stinky farts and that she "doesn't need a smelly mummy"

pollywollydooooooooodle Wed 10-Oct-07 21:47:28

me too stripeymama!

stripeymama Wed 10-Oct-07 21:42:20

On dropping off dd from (Steiner) nursery:
"You should go to the pub today mummy"
Apparently I am too cross and the pub makes me happy.
Also I resemble the Fat Controller.

Belgianchox Wed 10-Oct-07 21:33:28

Picking DD up from pre-school, i was greeted by her bursting into tears demanding to know where her daddy was..... Nice.

liath Wed 10-Oct-07 19:49:03

dd (2.6) this morning - "I need to put a new top on, Mummy - this one isn't ironed properly".

Little Madam angry!

rolf @ mad bear mummy!


There used to be an advert on tv for save the bears or something similar - 'this bear has been driven mad', cue picture of mad mangy bear rocking back and forth.

Ds used to rush up to the TV, pointing at it saying 'mummy'.

HE's also got to come everywhere wiht me atm to look after me 'in case you fall over'.

It's nice to know my child has such a high opinion of me hmm grin

EnglishTeeth Wed 10-Oct-07 15:03:36

DS (2.4) was looking at me thoughtfully the other day then asked, 'What you for, mummy?'

I loved the I spy one!

EnglishTeeth Wed 10-Oct-07 15:03:32

DS (2.4) was looking at me thoughtfully the other day then asked, 'What you for, mummy?'

I loved the I spy one!

skidaddle Wed 10-Oct-07 12:53:28

brilliant, love the I spy one..

Doodledootoo Wed 10-Oct-07 09:29:10

Message withdrawn

OMG, had to google David Dickinson, not the nicest of compliments to be compared to him!

Have you let the DCs out of the cellar yet?

Doodledootoo Tue 09-Oct-07 23:43:25

Message withdrawn

DD sitting in the back of the car, Granddad driving,

"Granddad, why have you got a hole in your hair?"

Great thread. Rofl at the auntie fur coat and nae knickers

My Mum is a widow and when she was going on holdidays I told her to make sure to pick up a bloke. She laughed and said she'd do her best, when ds2 piped up, "Don't be stupid, Nana, old women don't date!" hmm

dd [5] "What are those red things on the end of your boobies?"

Me: Nipples, they are for feeding babies

dd: So does your tummy fill with milk when you have a baby in there?

Me: No, your boobies do.

dd: Ohhhhhh is that why yours are all hangy & droopy? Mammy...are we getting a baby?"


boo64 Tue 09-Oct-07 21:51:19

This is a v funny thread. Makes a nice change from all the bickering on some others!

Ds (2.3) thinks the Gruffalo is like daddy - he is rather hairy but I think a little more attractive than the Gruffalo.

ScottishMummy Tue 09-Oct-07 19:54:05

oooo laughing at i spy....:

melpomene Mon 08-Oct-07 23:40:16

Me (attempting to initiate a game): I spy with my little eye, something yellow.
DD1: Your teeth are yellow, Mummy!

Another time, when we were in the car and I had missed a turning: "Would you like ME to drive, Mummy, because you keep making mistakes?"

edam Mon 08-Oct-07 23:27:42

I'm glad I'm not the only mother who is told to stop singing. grin

Every time we walk past a hairdressers ds tells me I should go in and have a haircut.

berolina Mon 08-Oct-07 23:26:13

We read a book at bedtime featuring a group of animals. ds1 used to persistently point at the rhino and say 'Mama'. I'm a petite size 12 hmm

Flamesparrow Mon 08-Oct-07 23:24:57

Shouldn't everyone be wearing their hair like DeeDee Doodle?? Tis in all the magazines dontcha know?

Flamesparrow Mon 08-Oct-07 23:24:23

"Why do you have a fat tummy when Flameboy isn't inside you now" hmm (Thinner than she has ever seen me!)

The best though is the withering look she gives my mum in the car and says "Don't sing Gran."

colditz Mon 08-Oct-07 23:08:17

I have also been informed that I should be wearing my hair like DeeDee Doodle.


colditz Mon 08-Oct-07 23:07:29

Ds1(4.5) <<shriek with laughter>> "Oh Mum, you can't wear those jeans because your tummy has got SO BIG it doesn't fit inside them! AHHHHhhhhhahahahahahahaha!"

Vile boyangry

serin Mon 08-Oct-07 23:03:53

Made a vegetable crumble for dinner, now okay I invented the recipe but it wasn't that bad.

They all sat twirling their forks (DH included) until DS1 finally spoke for them all "is it sick?" he asked.

"Never mind" added DD "We still love you".

Ds (3yo) hates my hair apparently and wants me to get it shaved off like him and daddy. He also hates my clothes and wastes no time in telling me hmm

HE'd prefer me shaved bald and naked I think.

RedFraggle Mon 08-Oct-07 20:51:14

So glad I am not the only one who gets shouted at for trying to sing!

My DD's nursery sing a politically correct "baa baa white sheep" and so when I sing baa baa black sheep as I have always done I get told off by DD!
"Noooo! Mummy, NOT black sheep!"


Spagblog Mon 08-Oct-07 19:07:38

DD thinks I am severely uncool.

She has also on occassion told me to stop singing as "Its making DS cry and me feel sick"

milkymill Mon 08-Oct-07 19:03:07

Dd: " Mummy, you've got big boobies and I've got small boobies."

Me: Yes that's right.

Dd:" And when I'm bigger I will have big boobies like you. Will I have big eyebrows like you as well?"

Time to get the tweezers out methinks!

newgirl Mon 08-Oct-07 16:25:24

my dd went round telling everyone 'daddeeee is 40, 40 , 40 almost 140' all weekend - he began to get very grumpy

ScottishMummy Mon 08-Oct-07 16:15:16

out of the mouth of cheeky monkeys terrors cherubs - dont you love it lol

Flamesparrow Mon 08-Oct-07 16:07:46


I went shopping with DD (4) the other day - tried on a jumper

"No mummy. It doesn't look nice"


EmsMum Mon 08-Oct-07 16:03:34

Suffice it to say, the combination of rosacea and a child does nothing for ones self-image.

DoctorFrankenSquonk Mon 08-Oct-07 15:59:04

dd2 - "oh mum, not chicken again, it's eee-gusting!"

me: shall we sing a song
dd (23m): yes!
me: ba ba black sheep
dd: NO! Shhh Mummy

this goes on till we find a song that I am allowed to sing!

altho at bedtime she begs and begs for a "rockabye treetops" which is unbearably sweet but man I hate that song!

and recently for some unknown reason she's started yelling "Mr Tumble" in Tesco.


ScottishMummy Mon 08-Oct-07 14:55:30

apparently as a child visiting a stuck up posh aunty i chirruped

Me:aunty are you posh?
Aunty: Oh no dahling why u ask
Me: Mum and dad said "you were all fur coat and nae knickers"blush

squawking and blustering as i was man handled out of there and told in car never to repeat what i overhear

jellybrain Mon 08-Oct-07 14:50:56

Could this turn into a competition to find the most brutally honest child? Off to pick up the wee monsters darlings now... will come back when they're in bed grin.

ScottishMummy Mon 08-Oct-07 14:50:45

im sore all this laughing...keep 'em comingwink

pollywollydooooooooodle Mon 08-Oct-07 14:50:33

dd do you eat your crusts mummay? (black country accent)
me mmm
dd then why does your hair look like that?

(polly who has just come back from the hairdressers....)

HerculesMorseAsBigAsAnElephant Mon 08-Oct-07 14:47:46

ds1 today: Mummy, your eyes are funny
Me: Funny?! How?
ds1: They're fattening
Me: hmm

ScottishMummy Mon 08-Oct-07 14:47:28

aggghhhhhhhh the horror of it - could u speak as u were clenching your abdominals

jellybrain Mon 08-Oct-07 14:46:13

... ds1(10) in conspirational whisper;

Are you having another baby Mum?
Er, No!blush
Oh, your tummy's looking a bit fat(as he smiles sweetly at me while I breathe in and try to locate my abdominals).

DoctorFrankenSquonk Mon 08-Oct-07 14:45:48

jelly - all three of mine put their hands over their ears when I start singing.

And have done since they were months old!

But it doesn't stop me grin

ScottishMummy Mon 08-Oct-07 14:44:13

love this threadwink

Carmenere Mon 08-Oct-07 14:41:31

Ah yes well I was taking dd(3.8) to a party on Saturday and hse pointed to my tee-shirt and said that I would have to wear something else because everyone would be able to see my 'boobies'shockblush. Now it is a bit low cut but not that bad..............
So I put a jumper over it and the little madam said 'oh yes mum that is much better'hmm

Mind you this is the same child that regularly tells me if my clothes are too small when I try things on in changing rooms. and has done since she could first talk.
'no sma mummy, too sma' being shouted at you in TKMax changing room by a 2 yr old does wonders for you esteemgrin

GooseyLoosey Mon 08-Oct-07 14:35:34

You do indeed. Ds's comment to dh yesterday was that "daddy, you aren't a mammal as you have no hair!".

jellybrain Mon 08-Oct-07 14:33:15

I was getting dd 2.2 ready for bed last night and started to sing her a song.This was our conversation;

Me: Twinkle,twinkle.....
ME: Little
DD: SToooop (very pained expression)
ME: don't you like my singing?
DD: Its too hobobul(horrible)mummy. Lets read a book shall we? shock

Well I did ask hmm

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