Advice please - my dd wets herself when laughing and it's becoming a problem

[mrsmarvel]

She's 9 years old and now she's either trying not to laugh (which is sad for her) or she's having accidents and not telling because she's so embarrassed.

Anyone experience this (post-natal mothers excepted of course)!

[milfAKAmonkeymonkeymoomoo]

has she got a urinary infection? Can cause leakage I believe.

[mrsmarvel]

She's always done it, I doubt it's an infection as it's just occasionally when she really belly-laughs.

[mistypeaks]

I don't have any advice, but I just want to send you wishes that it gets sorted. Feel so sad for your daughter. Bless her.

[margoandjerry]

oh poor love.

Just bumping because I don't know but I would seek a referal to a specialist.

[mrsmarvel]

We did see the GP and it was seen as "normal, she'll grow out of it". But not to be able to have a good laugh must be horrible for her.

[margoandjerry]

oh that's bad. Mrsmarvel I think you should insist on a referral.

My sister was told she could only get a referal for her boy who is still not dry at 6 until he is 7. But at 9 I would imagine it's having a big impact on her and on you.

Please go back. That's all I can think of. Hope you get some help.

[MascaraOHara]

bless her.. would push the GP.

[mrsmarvel]

Thanks m&j, I'm trying to avoid taking it to the GP's again as it may embarrass her more. You know what they can be like with children. That's why I'm asking here first. If she was doing it at night, and any other times I would be down the GPs like a shot, but it's only when she laughs.

[margoandjerry]

I understand. Can children do kegels? I wonder if that would help.

[chocolateteapot]

My DD sees the community paed for her dyspraxia but has recently had a couple of accidents at school. Luckily she had her annual appointment a week after it started happening so I was able to mention it to the paed. then. She was very very helpful and has come up with a number of strategies we can try to see if they help. DD will be 9 in January. I personally would go to your GP and get a referral.

[FrannyandZombie]

Is it a big leak or just a little? Could she wear a pad in the meantime, so she could relax a little bit? What a shame for her.

[mrsmarvel]

Hi Franny
I was thinking of a pad, I may just do that, she needs to be able to laugh - it could turn into a major hangup if she can't do that.

[geekgirl]

chocolateteapot, what strategies did they give you to try? My dd1 is 8 and also still wets herself occasionally (every other month or so I guess)- I don't really know how to deal with it.

[mrsmarvel]

Yes I think she would prefer strategies at the moment to GPs saying

"and how are you today"
"problem description in front of mum"
general personal question and answers, then:
Go through the waiting room carrying a plastic tub, go into the toilet while everyone's watching and knows exactly what you're doing, come out and give it to the receptionist in full view of the large queue of people waiting at the desk.

Then come back and I'll tell you there's absolutely nothing wrong but if you like I'll write a letter about you to a whole nother medical department, which we can keep on your file for the rest of your life and you can answer all the same questions again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[margoandjerry]

I know. That thing with the wee is really insensitive. I hate doing it now and I'm 39.

[mrsmarvel]

Yes perhaps I am also projecting my anxiety about urine tests onto her...

[margoandjerry]

I know that bit is grim but you could get her to do it at home and take it in yourself earlier so she wouldn't have to deal with any of that. They'd need to send it off anyway for analysis so it's not as if that bit is crucial to the whole issue.

[chocolateteapot]

DD had her urine tested in the summer by the GP, I took a sample with me for him to test so no having traipse to the toilet etc. I picked up the sample pot the day before she went. It was sent off to lab but clear of any infection.So now doctor has referred her to have an ultrasound of her bladder just to check it out.

She is to have 5 drinks of 250ml a day ie. one before school, one at break, one at lunch, one after school and one before bed. The last one can be milk. Fizzy drinks and blackcurrant aren't allowed as they irritate the bladder. Weak fruit flavouring was allowed but I wasn't paying much attention to that as she only drinks milk and water. I've explained this to her teacher and she knows she is allowed to go to the toilet when she needs it.

She has to be the boss of her bladder apparently and take notice of the signals it sends her. We use a traffic light system for her to describe at what point of needing a wee she is at. Green is when she has no urge to go at all. Orange is when she has become aware that she might need to go and red is when she is bursting. This way I can ask her how she is and she can say a colour and she can reply, without anyone else knowing. Very handy last night when I was chatting to a friend before going home, she was just able to say " Mum, I am red" and I knew immediately that we had to go.

During half term we are to do an exercise where when she needs to go to the toilet, we are to set a timer for something like 30 seconds. She has to hold in the urine until the timer has gone. Then we will be gradually increasing the time she has to hold it for, to strengthen the bladder muscle and to try to increase her bladder capacity.

We have only been doing it since Wednesday so very early days at the moment. The doctor did say that it is actually very common for children to be having problems still at this age.

[mrsmarvel]

Great chocolateteapot, thanks, it's really helpful to see that there are strategies one can use. I suspected that drinking more might help and we talked about that, but a system would help.

I also suspected that holding it for a while would help too. A word with her new teacher might also help. We also do a "toilet test", when she's not sure she needs it (say before a journey etc) and then we run the tap. She usually needs to go then.

Her old teacher was aware but I think she would be reassured if the teacher mentioned something in class about everyone being allowed to go to the toilet whenever they need to.

As I said it only happens when she has a real big belly-laugh. And she can very rarely stop. Out of interest, is your dd's also like that?

[chocolateteapot]

I'm not sure about laughing, I haven't noticed that she does it then but could be wrong. I think a lot of DD's is that she doesn't drink enough despite my best efforts to get her to do so. And I think she just doesn't pick up on the early signals about having to go.

[Annie000]

My almost 11 year old has "giggle incontinence" . It's getting worse. Thanks for some of these ideas/ strategies.

[corythatwas]

My dd had incontinence at this age, eventually after some pushing, got to see an expert and, still a bit further down the line, got put on medication. Also used pads. Otherwise same measures as chocolateteapot's dd: no fizzy drinks or black-current, train your bladder. (However, when she is back at school, she should be told to go the loo before school and at break time, as a matter of routine, to avoid disruption to the class).

You probably can't ask the teacher to let the whole class know they can go to the loo when they want- with this age group they're likely to end up with complete disruption when pupils stop going at break time and all want to go at the same time in class.

What you should ask for is a pass for your dd. She will have to accept that she will be treated slightly differently, like any child with a medical condition has to accept that.

[corythatwas]

It is also ime a really, really useful thing to harden your child a bit when it comes to medical issues by being totally unphased and practical about anything that goes on, so as not to send her the signal that these things are inherently embarrassing. I was raised in a family where a urine infection could only be mentioned in lowered voices and preferably not at all; when I had my first period my parents both knew about it for DAYS without speaking to me, because they respected my dignity. What they were doing, of course, was sending MASSIVE signals that this was something undignified and embarrassing that must not be spoken about.

I took pains NOT to do this to my own children, but to be brisk and cheerful and upfront about medical matters. Just as well, as my eldest turned out to be disabled and chronically ill and simply could not have got through life if I had sent the signals either that "things down below" were too shocking to speak about or that being different from other children was something to shocking to be contemplated.