Leaving babies to cry can result in "Shutdown Syndrome"

[morningpaper]

I read this on Dr. Sears and thought it was very interesting.
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THE SHUTDOWN SYNDROME
Throughout our 30 years of working with parents and babies, we have grown to appreciate the correlation between how well children thrive (emotionally and physically) and the style of parenting they receive.

"You're spoiling that baby!" First-time parents Linda and Norm brought their four-month-old high-need baby, Heather, into my office for consultation because Heather had stopped growing. Heather had previously been a happy baby, thriving on a full dose of attachment parenting. She was carried many hours a day in a baby sling, her cries were given a prompt and nurturant response, she was breastfed on cue, and she was literally in physical touch with one of her parents most of the day. The whole family was thriving and this style of parenting was working for them. Well-meaning friends convinced these parents that they were spoiling their baby, that she was manipulating them, and that Heather would grow up to be a clingy, dependent child.

Parents lost trust. Like many first-time parents, Norm and Linda lost confidence in what they were doing and yielded to the peer pressure of adopting a more restrained and distant style of parenting. They let Heather cry herself to sleep, scheduled her feedings, and for fear of spoiling, they didn't carry her as much. Over the next two months Heather went from being happy and interactive to sad and withdrawn. Her weight leveled off, and she went from the top of the growth chart to the bottom. Heather was no longer thriving, and neither were her parents.

Baby lost trust. After two months of no growth, Heather was labeled by her doctor "failure to thrive" and was about to undergo an extensive medical exam. When the parents consulted me, I diagnosed the shutdown syndrome. I explained that Heather had been thriving because of their responsive style of parenting. Because of their parenting, Heather had trusted that her needs would be met and her overall physiology had been organized. In thinking they were doing the best for their infant, these parents let themselves be persuaded into another style of parenting. They unknowingly pulled the attachment plug on Heather, and the connection that had caused her to thrive was gone. A sort of baby depression resulted, and her physiologic systems slowed down. I advised the parents to return to their previous high-touch, attachment style of parenting?to carry her a lot, breastfeed on cue, and respond sensitively to her cries by day and night. Within a month Heather was again thriving.

Babies thrive when nurtured. We believe every baby has a critical level of need for touch and nurturing in order to thrive. (Thriving means not just getting bigger, but growing to one's potential, physically and emotionally.) We believe that babies have the ability to teach their parents what level of parenting they need. It's up to the parents to listen, and it's up to professionals to support the parents' confidence and not undermine it by advising a more distant style of parenting, such as "let your baby cry-it-out" or "you've got to put him down more." Only the baby knows his or her level of need; and the parents are the ones that are best able to read their baby's language.

Babies who are "trained" not to express their needs may appear to be docile, compliant, or "good" babies. Yet, these babies could be depressed babies who are shutting down the expression of their needs. They may become children who don't speak up to get their needs met and eventually become the highest-need adults.
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[morningpaper]

Oooh that was longer than I thought.

Basically it argues that babies who are constantly left to cry and their needs are not responded to develop a sort of baby "depression".

[LucyJones]

I have to say I did controlled crying with both of mine and they have both turned out perfectly fine and.... sleep at night.
A friend who didn't do controlled crying is up and down 3/4 times a night to her 2 year old and he is the most miserable child ever Due to lack of sleep.

[chipmonkey]

Oh, I love Dr Sears!

[ruty]

Not sure about Dr Sears generally. But here he is talking an awful lot of sense. Wholeheartedly agree. Why oh why does that awful woman get air time on Channel 4?

[ruty]

[actually have a sneaking admiration for him but sure loads of people think he's a quack.]

[notnowbernard]

Very interesting, and makes a lot of sense. Attachment disorder is a recognised condition within the mental health field

[msappropriate]

thats really interesting. I would think the feeding by schedule instead of demand was most likely to cause the drop off in weight especially with a 3-4 months growth spurt. I wonder what that terrible woman on that baby show on C4 would think of it. I was flicking channles and only saw it for 5 mins and was angry at her, the 50s nurse woman and the rubbish voiceover all evening.

[morningpaper]

I like the term "shutdown syndrome"

I feel I will wave it around a bit in future in arguments on this topic

I completely agree that the argument makes a lot of sense

[Walnutshell]

This is why I tend to be slightly wary of people who are self-congratulatory about their particular baby-routine and obsessive about achieving uninterrupted sleep - I sometimes wonder at what cost?

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

"Basically it argues that babies who are constantly left to cry and their needs are not responded to develop a sort of baby "depression"."

well I wouldn't argue with that - I would still disagree that letting them cry for a few minutes before going to sleep is entirely different. Of course a baby who isn't fed when hungry, cuddled frequently etc etc is going to end up pretty screwed up!

DS2 was my "best" baby yet in terms of being "good" - he never cried - infact he was altogether placid and laid back - wish he'd been my first as he was a breeze.........mind you he's growing up to be a rather boisterous, and loud boy

[ToadieG1]

I've read that before, I think dr Sears is great, I have a few of his books. I really believe in what he writes. We are attatchment parents so his advice goes down well.

[Walnutshell]

I rarely left ds to cry and certainly not as part of any plan to 'teach' him to behave a certain way. He was breastfed to sleep for at least the first year and now, although still bf, will go to sleep himself. I post this only to prove that choosing not to train* your baby doesn't make for the later disaster that some people predict or are afraid will occur.
*for want of a better word.

[meemar]

It is interesting and sad - it depressed me seeing the method in action on TV.

I'd be quite interested to see some research into what leaving a baby to cry does to the parents emotional state too.

No-one is ever happy to leave a baby to cry. Even parents who stick out the harshest part of CC say they hated it. I wonder if any part of a parent is damaged by going against the instinct to pick up and comfort.

[squeakybrushes]

oh god this is scary. we've always done a certain amount of controlled crying with our lo. and at 18 mths she is now happy, sociable and ok not co-operative any more as she's a full blown toddler, but up until she hit 'that age' she was very 'good' indeed.

oh dear. i'm now worried she's unable to express herself in some way i haven't picked up on. she doesn't always cry when she falls over, or bumps her head. i thought she was just stoical and made of sturdy stuff, but maybe i've read her all wrong?

[cornsilk]

Something else for parents to feel guilty about.

[BroccoliSpears]

I'm always a bit puzzled when people argue that yes, controlled crying isn't much fun, but it does help the child to learn to sleep through. Hmm. I have never left my LO to cry and never would - and she sleeps fine. She also goes to sleep unaided despite being fed to sleep until about a year old. I think that all children are different - some will sleep well and others won't. Obviously we have been lucky and dd is a pretty relaxed baby - but I do wonder if part of the reason she is relaxed about sleeping is that we have never let it become stressful for her by making her sleep when she doesn't want to or leaving her to cry.

[chipmonkey]

Actually squeaky, I don't think controlled crying in itself is all that bad, so long as you keep going back to the baby, to let them know they're not "abandoned" What I don't like is the heartless ignoring of a newborn who doesn't have the skills to learn about "bedtime".

[tribpot]

squeaky - that's just the way they are. Sometimes ds will whack his head on something (and, god knows, there's always something) and be perfectly fine. Other time he will barely graze a fingernail and go into meltdown. I really cannot put a formula on what is and what is not acceptable to a toddler. We've never done CC formally, the longest he has ever been left to cry is 4 minutes. The total number of time he has been left to cry is - literally - 3.

So, there you go. Toddlers are toddlers, despite what you do. I am wary of the phrase "yet, these babies could be depressed babies". Yes, they could. Or they could not. I can easily assign friends' babies into this category, i.e. in a routine from an early stage (like day 1, in one case) and say "look at that, clear link to adult depression" but of course the truth is much more complex.

[BroccoliSpears]

Not intending to judge parents who use controlled crying - just saying that it's feasible to have a sleeping through baby using other methods. That fact often seems to be ignored when debating this issue.

[Theclosetpagan]

Controlled crying is one thing - leaving a baby to cry is quite another. With CC you go back after a set amount of time to calm them down. They know they are not abandoned.
With the "leaving them to cry" approach you don't go back until they are asleep.

No comparison - nothing to feel guilty about if you used CC.

[morningpaper]

one of mine never cries when she falls over unless she has MAJOR injuries

just has a high pain threshhold I think

[TheQueenOfQuotes]

"just saying that it's feasible to have a sleeping through baby using other methods. That fact often seems to be ignored when debating this issue."

indeed all babies are different - DS1 we HAD to use CC - it was the last option, DS2 we woke up in a fright one morning when he was 3 weeks old as he slept through and we didn't even realise that some babies can actually sleep through from quite early, all of their own doing without any fuss or crying whatsoever, DS3 (4 months) a mixture of going to sleep on his own without any crying or a few minutes of screaming hysterically (well every time he screams he sounds hysterical LOL)). Had 2 nights of sleeping through but otherwise up once in the night.

[Desiderata]

I have never understood any form of sleep control in small babies. They drop off when they drop off, don't they?

I'm baffled by the whole need for acronyms, books, and all the rest of it. They fall asleep in your arms, or in their chair, or on cushions on the floor ... and then you put them to bed.

It's all a bit of a no-brainer, really.

[Theclosetpagan]

Yep - DS always fed to sleep as a baby. I did pay for this as it was 10 months before he went through the night but we've never looked back since and I have no regrets.

[Tortington]

yeah "shutdown syndrome" for the parent