18 month old - Sleep Problems !!

[BIGCAT]

How do I break the pattern of laying in the bed next to my daughter so she goes to sleep , sometimes it can take up to an hour and normally wakes a couple of times in the night and I have to put her dummy back in - She suffered from ruflux as a baby and bad habits have set in !

[fizzbuzz]

Ha, I wish I knew. This could be my dd, only she loses her dummy about 4 times a night. Will watch this thread with interest.

Cannot do cc, as she makes herself sick within about 5 minutes of crying

[BlueberryPancake]

OK, I don't know because never had that problem, but rememer reading about it somewhere. You could try a progressive #technique' - you could sit on a chair next to the bed for a few nights, and then sit on the chair next to the door, and then sit right outside the door and let her know that you are there (by singing for example).

Might be worth trying?

Don't know about the dummy thing at night.

[fizzbuzz]

I have tried that "sitting" technique.

Dd spent about 3 hours eyeballing me from her cot in the middle of the night, lest I should move. When I eventually had to go for a wee before my bladder exploded, she screamed blue muder

[elliemac]

Have just had all this with my 14 month old. She wouldn't sleep unless we took her in the car. Anyway, my mum bought her a sleep CD from woolies believe it or not! The things only gone and worked!!! Had tried CC and all the rest of that malarky! She's sleeping till 5 now which is still not too great but a dam sight better than before.

[BlueberryPancake]

Oh dear...

[mummymagic]

God, its so hard isn't it? because you want them to learn 'it's ok to go to sleep on your own' but as soon as you leave, they don't go to sleep and/or are not ok (ie they cry).

My dd (same age) is finally happy for me to leave when she is awake (think it was partly technique below, partly she was just ready), although when she is ill etc she wants me to stay.

I did/do lots of happy 'just going to the loo/to get bear/to switch monitor/get something downstairs, back in a sec' during bedtime routines (and then was back quickly) so that she felt more comfortable on her own in bed/cot during dark/light.

Also lots of roleplay with her and bear/dolly. eg 'pretending' to put her to bed during day and I say 'night night' and go downstairs and then come back and say 'hello!' - all v silly. We also put dolly and bear etc to bed before her bath and kiss them, say night night, close door etc- exactly as I do it (and have come back to check they are still there and asleep).

Hope that helps. I found it helped to think of her learning a new skill rather than 'unlearning' bad habits.

[elliemac]

Have any of you been watching bringing up baby? It was on the other night. One of the midwifes or whatever was using a technique where she put the babies down at 7 and they weren't to get up till 7. You weren't allowed to take them out of the nursery until 7 in the morning. Will keep watching to see if it works. Sounds a really harsh routine but i bet all those babies do actually sleep through! Think i'd find that method a bit hard going but maybe i'd be getting a full nights kip now!

[fizzbuzz]

But I've tried that "just popping out" thing. She scream as soon as I put a foot through the door, and as said below, if it goes on for longer than 4 or 5 minutes......

[elliemac]

Are you leaving her in complete darkness? My little one doesn't like that either so i got one of those little plug in night lights. That seems to help too.

[katiepea]

My ds now aged 19 months used to wakeup on and off all night as his dummy had come out. We found that giving him a "supper" helped. He has food and milk and now sleeps through.

[mummymagic]

I wouldn't 'pop out' for 4 or 5 mins. I mean less than a minute (but yes, if she cried I'd say 'it's ok, back in a sec' give her a kiss, and then pop out, get whatever it is and come back). And even talking when I am outside and reassuring too. I think all methods take time and consistency. Maybe you could try and do it during day more than night at first so she understands 'back in a minute/sec' (or whatever it is you say when you pop out).

I am so not into leave them to cry and they'll learn. I can't go ten seconds outside her door listening - the 7 til 7 leave them in the room sounds very stressful for mum and baby.

If it's a new screaming when you leave the room thing tbh I'd trust her that she needs a bit more reassurance at the moment. I think they know when they need you. But it is nice to try and build up their confidence so they see that being on their own doesn't have to be miserable (for me, I don't think they learn that by being left to cry).

Anyway, am trying to say that it'll happen. Forget about 'bad habits', IMO it's good if she associates sleep with a happy peaceful time (because you are there). Hopefully it will make sleeptime easier in the long run (we definitely are getting our payback now - she loves going to bed)

[BlueberryPancake]

Elliemac, please reassure me that you will not leave your child to cry for hours on end without checking up on them and reassuring them. THis is an extremelly harsh thing to do to young children and in many people's opinion, is very cruel.

And what does it mean 'it will work'? If sleeping through the night is what 'works' then yes, abandoning babies to cry their eyes out will lead them to believe that you will not come to help them if they cry and they will stop crying. But it is a very dangerous thing to do. I would never do that to my children, even if IT meant that my son was 1.5 yEars old before he slept through. Sorry about these harsh words, but to me leaving a chidl to cry for hours is the equivalent of child abuse. BP

[fizzbuzz]

Was it like a hypnosis cd or a lullaby one? I have lullabies, but they don't seem to have any lasting effect.

TBH, it is really hard to deal with. She is nearly 15 months old, and has slept through about once. We are really getting desperate. It's not always even her dummy, she just wakes up, sometimes wants to play, and then starts crying, which turns to screaming because she is so tired.

HV waste of space..

[elliemac]

BluberryPancake!!!! I personally DO NOT use this method. I was in fact talking about a TV programme which i had seen and some couples on the programme were trying this method. I meant that i will watch with interest to see whether this works for them. I have not and never will use this method and i am in complete agreement with you that it does appear cruel. The midwife who is advising the couples has stated that this has worked for every child in her charge however i definately do not agree with her routines. Can i finally say that even if my daughter makes the smallest of peeps through the night then i am up and giving her a cuddle!! P.s Don't worry about the harsh words but i felt i had to clarify.

[elliemac]

Fizzbuzz - meant to say in previous message that the CD was just a lullaby one. I played it whilst i gave her last bottle. Have got a rocking chair to which she loves.

[BlueberryPancake]

Phweeee....

Our health visitor also recommended control crying for our son, but I basically told her to shuv it up. He ended up sleeping much better at 1.5 years old and now at 2 sleeps like an angel. His little brov crying in the middle of the night doesn't wake him up!

[fizzbuzz]

Yes, also hate cc. Am seriously considering a private sleep clinic, as am so desperate

[mumtodd]

Hi BIGCAT, I could have written your post myself. My dd is nearly 17 months and we are still co-sleeping. I have to stay with her at naptime and bedtime until she falls asleep. She has eczema which interrupts her sleep and that is how we ended up with bad habits so I can really sympathise with your situation. My dd uses me as her security blanket iykwim. She likes to stroke my arm and face while she settles and I don't know how to take this away from her. She also still has her soother but thankfully doesn't really wake looking for it much these nights. I wish I had some advice for you but you can see I am pretty much in the same boat.

[elliemac]

I think at the end of the day we all need to remember that even at this age they are still babies and they still need their mummys. I know its a pain getting up at all hours sometimes but it comes with the territory. My DD wakes up sometimes 3 or 4 times a night and all she wants is a cuddle. She goes back to sleep straight after i give her a hug. One smile in the morning when she wakes up makes up for all the lost sleep though. She's waking up at about 5 in the morning for a botttle tho. Is this quite normal or should she be sleeping longer?

[mumsville]

I don't think there's anything wrong with sleeping with your baby until they sleep. It's common practice to cosleep worldwide.

I'm lucky as my ds slept through pretty early on HOWEVER, we've graduated from the cot (he's enourmous and outgrown it) to cosleeping! It's fine as long as you don't mind and I have every confidence that when he's old enough for his own bed (I reckon in the next 6 months) he's only 16 months now - I'll sit with him till he sleeps and it will pan out in his own time.

I personally think that if they need reassurrance, give it them!

Ellie - if she's up for the day it could mean that she needs a little less sleep in the day. My ds started doing that and I was horrieied. I posted and about 100 mumsnetters screamed 'less daytime napping' - could it be that? It worked for me.

[juuule]

Nothing wrong with lying with your dd until she goes to sleep. Some children don't like being on their own. They like the security of knowing that there is someone nearby. Of course this can be a nuisance if you want to be somewhere else.
We either lay by their side until they nodded off or kept them near us (settee downstairs) until they nodded off depending on what we wanted to do at the time. They do grow out of it. Although it has taken a couple of ours up to around 3y to do so.
Don't worry about it being the reflux that led to bad habits, chances are she would have been that way anyway.
As regards the dummies, have lots available. We would leave some on the chest of drawers near their cot and they would know to help themselves to another eventually. Although at 18m it might be a bit much to expect her to help herself

[Piesy]

Can I ask what you all think about my DS aged 18 months? We took him on holiday at beginning of Sept. And due to jetlag, were giving him a bottle in the night to get him back to sleep. This has turned into problem now as he is waking at least once every night, between midnight and 3am, and screams till he gets milk. It is like having a 6 month old again! But sooo much louder. What have we done?! I think I am going to have to take a stand and ride out the screams and hysteria with cuddles and water for a few nights in a row, in an attempt to break this habit. Our poor neighbours... Any other thoughts anyone??