Does being a parent give you a short fuse? Guilty Mum feeling crap!

[mammabelleboo]

Just need to have a rant! My dd nearly 2 is driving me mad with her behaviour - EVERY time I need to change her or get her to her chair for dinner - in fact, anything I want her to do - it's NO & a tantrum. When I do eventually get hold of her which is like picking up a slippery eel, she scratches and grabs my glasses and chucks them on the floor - AARGGHHH!!!!! I'm not looking for an explanation of this behaviour - it's terrible 2's and that's that! But what is bothering me is my reaction - I get so annoyed and angry - it makes me shout and rant from sheer frustration and anger that if she were to break my glasses it would cost me £100+ for new ones! I feel I should be more controlled, but I'm finding it hard - the red mist comes and I let rip! I feel I should know better and be more lenient as she is only 2. Is it just me, how can I be more controlled - I feel so guilty afterwards .

[jacobandlysette]

it can be very frustrating, but it is terrible 2's i guess. i normally open the fridge door and shout silently into it when ds is a similar slippery eel (great description)

[mummydoc]

i know how you feel, i shouted at dd2 last night and held her bedroom door shut, then sat on stairs crying my eyes out, all because i was tired and she was fussing over a plaster for her foot ( the old one over a minor scratch was peeling off cause she wouldn't stop picking at it) i know what you mean by red mist - it is pmt in my case just makes me feel so angry when the kids are a little bit naughty ... still feeling terrible about it today, no advice just sympathy - you are not alone.

[Meeely2]

not alone, but i am seeing a councellor for my red mist as i'm not sure how far i may go sometimes.

I have depression too which doesn't help, but have found the anti-depressants make me WAY more relaxed and chilled about DT's behaviour.

Thanks - seeing this has made me realise i'm not a complete freak - and in answer to the title, yes being a parent can give you a short fuse!

[stressteddy]

We all lose it sometimes. The little buggers really push us don't they? We are all defo not alone!!
I sometimes imagine I am being watched or filmed by someone and this helps me to keep calmer.

[bubblagirl]

you are not alone for sure it's hard when you are with them all the time for your tolerance to stay at an even keal luckily i dont have too many tantrums but ds 2.4 not well at moment so whine whing and tantrum all day and night and i'm feeling my self boil

just take deep breath walk away for a min and go back with a calmer ok shall we do whatever it is your doing in a calm voice and try to disract the tantrum its hard at times bless em

[dalmatianbabe]

I am with you all on this one...and it doesn't get any easier as they get older! My 12 year old has the ability to make me see red just as much as her younger brothers.

I am sick of feeling angry all the time, so am going to make a concious effort NOT to get mad, as it doesn't achieve anything other than wind everyone up and increase my stress levels tenfold.

I am going to take a breath, try and see the funny side (easier said than done, I know) and take each day as it comes. Cliched , but I will see if it works....

[OrmIrian]

You are dealing with the most irrational and at time totally unreasonable creature known to man, who is conversely the most beloved to you and the one about whom you care most passionately, you have more work to do and less sleep, you worry and you fret and you are constantly convinced that you are doing things wrong. So sometimes you lose your rag. It happens. It's best if you can avoid actually shouting but if you can't it isn't the end of the world. It really isn't. I also beleive that it doesn't do any harm for DCs to see that you are a fallible human being not a robot.

[mammabelleboo]

Thank you all so much for your posts. It is reassuring to know that I'm not the only one that gets the red mist! You have all given me good advice and I feel much better. I know I will feel at boiling point again, very soon as I smell a damp nappy!! - and I will try the deep breaths, walking away & I love the idea of talking to the fridge! - nice one jacobandlysette! Might even remove my glasses as a precaution - why didn't I think of that before!! Like you dalmationbabe, I'm fed up of being angry and the change is down to me alone. Your comment about pmt is intersting mummydoc - I really feel that things are worse once a month - I have a few really grumpy days and often on reflection, I feel that on other days I wouldn't react as badly and that things would wash over me more. Has anyone any tried and tested remedies for pmt - keen on herbal things, don't fancy visiting the doc for tablets or anything. I soooo identify with everything ormirian says - how stressful is being a mum - you are constantly worrying and analysing every single thing you do for and towards your child & it becomes emotionally draining. I was sat here thinking dd would be emotionally scarred for life as a result of my rantings - how nice it is to have someone to put it into perspective. I'm sure kids in the dark ages had much worse to put up with - yet the human race has survived and we don't all come from generations of emotional cripples! There's too much written about how things should be done and the effects of what will happen if you don't do it this way - no wonder we are all so strung up!!!! I think I'll have a ceremonial burning in the garden of all my baby/toddler how to do it books and just use common sense and instinct! Hmm, that was a bit of a rant - feel I've digressed a bit but I feel better for saying it !

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I never read any baby books and use my instinct but I react in a similar way to you . It's hellish. Feeling like you are never being listened to or never getting a single minute to yourself to recharge. I completely lost it the other week after I had spent all sodding day trying to print off a dozen letters whilst sorting out fights between my two until eventually, during my dinner preparation I had to clean up 3 puddles of piss in 20 minutes after DS took his nappy off (also trying to potty train him) and then in a moment of mins silence I discovered they'd ripped open most of the envelopes and ripped up the letters. I hit the roof shouting so much that they actually ran and hid. I then burst into tears with frustration. The little buggers then edged closer to me one apoligising profusely and the other had made a 'sorry' necklace out of some straws. God it gets you right in the heart every time.

[mammabelleboo]

Yep, been there - they know how to make you feel even worse by being all nice to you afterwards. My little one has started to say "I yuz you Mummy!" which translates to "I love you Mummy!" & she will normally say this after I've had a tantrum & she grabs my hand and kisses it a la Sean Connery (not that he's ever kissed my hand but have seen him on james Bond!) and it just makes you melt and feel even worse. I preferred it the other day when she slammed the door in my face and told me to go away!!

[iamasurvivor]

been there, done it, still doing it, my dd still has terrible 2's and she is 3.5. when i am having a good day but she is being awkward i try to make things into a game..... bet you can't get undressed before i count to 30, with food i sometimes get her to close her eyes and play taste test...she has to guess what she is eating (nicked that idea from my friend).

you are not alone in how you feel and well done to all of us for being open enough to admit it. parenting is the hardest but most rewarding job i have ever had.