wetting the bed but only when DH is away

[mckenzie]

Ds is 3 and has been out of nappies, day and night, since February. We've done wuite well with only a few accidents here and there up to now.

When DH went away on business in Auguts for a week, DS wet the bed every morning. IT stopped as soon as DH came home. When DH went away again middle of september exactly the same thing happened although I managed to persuade him that if he was dry in the morning he could talk to DH on the telephone and that gave me one dry morning (yippee).
Dh went away again yesterday and sure enough, wet bed this morning. We had a chat about it tonight nd he's promised me that his bed will be dry in the monring and i've told him that if that's the case, then he'll be able to ring daddy.

Has anyone else had this situation? Got any advice please?

[Lisa78]

no idea I'm afraid, beyond rewarding him for a dry bed - but bumping you!

[LIZS]

Does his routine change when dh is away ? Do you sleep in a bit later so perhaps he is less inclined to get up and go early enough ? Just wonder of it is dh's noise which rouses him sufficently to recognise the need to go.

[JanH]

How do you know he does it in the morning, mckenzie?

[mckenzie]

good question JanH. I've always assumed that he's just done it as it obviously really bothers him, when I then take him to the toilet he doesn't wee for as long as normal and I rather assumed he'd wake up during the night if he was wet. Also, I think it's still warmish although i shall definitely check that more closely next time it happens (which will probably be tomorrow as DH is away until monday night!)

[JanH]

Well if it's warmish and freshish (TMI!) then you are probably right. Which is a bit odd, unless LIZS's instinct is correct - it could be as simple as that, in which case maybe you could wake him yourself? (Mind you, wouldn't he then wet at the weekend when your DH doesn't get up and go to work..?)

However it could also be that he comes to you as soon as he wakes up and starts moving about and realising he's damp. If it turns out that he's actually wetting during the night then I would guess it's just a simple not-feeling-very-secure-when-daddy's-away thing, which you and he can't really do much about but which he will grow out of as he gets a bit older. Would he be mortified if you suggested putting him in Dri-Nites when daddy's away do you think?

[mckenzie]

I sont think it can be the change of routine/later mornings thing as sometimes he doesn't wake until 8.30ish (lucky me I know) and he's dry and yet this morning it was about 7.20 and he was wet. When Dh has just worked late at the office, ie not put DS to bed but come home ats ome stage once DS is asleep, then he doesn't wet the bed. It's only when he's realised, through seeing a suitacse or something, that he's actually 'away'. He also doens't normally see DH in the morning during the week as he's left for work before DS gets up. I hadn't thgouth of it from a 'security' angle but that would make the most sense huh? Just have to put up with it and keep washing the sheets huh!!

[mckenzie]

I checked this morning Janh and it was cold wee and all over the place whereas I assume that if he'd just done it, it would be pretty much in just one place. So, I think I must have been wrong about the wee being done first thing in the morning on waking up and rather that he's waking up and realsiing that he's wet and then calling out. But why doesn't it wake him up straight away? Surely it must be horrible laying in wet pjs and bed clothes?

Also, if he's doing it in his sleep and genuinely not realising that it's happening, I cant really reprimand him can I?

[foxinsocks]

aww poor you and poor little mite. My dd wet the bed every night for 2 weeks when she started school. I even took her to the doctor and was on the verge of putting her back in nappies when it suddenly stopped and then I realised what it must have been. Now, when I think there's going to be a major emotional upheaval, I try and take some time to have a big cuddle and explain everything in advance of the wet beds (none at all since then!).

Does he understand where Dh is? My dh goes away a lot for work and when we were in Woolworths the other day, I caught dd explaining to ds on one of those globes where daddy was. They were both really excited and I now realise how important it is to them to understand where he is, how he got there, how he'll get back and where he sleeps when he's gone (this was a big thing to them!!). Maybe it's worth having a set time each day to phone your dh for ds if that's what motivates him to feel more secure. You can also show him on a calendar or put up a little chart counting down the days until he's back (I don't do this with mine but I know quite a few people who do).

And no, I wouldn't reprimand him. He probably doesn't realise he's doing it - maybe just a matter of fact chat about what's happened.

[mckenzie]

thanks foxinsocks. I think DH and I have been deliberately not talking about DH being away but I guess DS is older now and understands so much more and we should be changing our approach.
I shall do as you've suggested and talk more about DH ebing where he si, how he got there etc and when he's coming home. Fingers crossed for tonight. The poor mattress protector is taking a bit of a bashing!!

[foxinsocks]

yes, poor you. I'll have my fingers crossed. There's nothing worse than all that extra washing - especially when there's only one of you!

(I too never used to explain where dh was. In fact, it was only because my dd - funnily enough, when she was around 3 - starting asking questions about where he was that I started explaining everything. Ds definitely takes it worse than dd. It's a difficult age 3, because they can't really understand the concept of time properly but they can understand that one of you is not around and it doesn't feel right! Oh and well done for having him night trained so early - my ds still has a long way to go on that front!)

[JanH]

Hi, mckenzie - yes, it does sound like a middle of the night job. Thing is that he doesn't actually feel the wetness until he wakes in the morning, and it isn't cold until they start moving around - he probably does tell you as soon as he's aware of it himself.

Agree with foxinsocks, do try talking to him about where Daddy is and when he's coming back etc - having a little chart with the days on so he can see how many days is a great idea. He probably doesn't even know that he's anxious about it, he is too little to start a discussion! Definitely don't tell him off at all, be extra reassuring