What's the playground etiquette for parents when one child behaves badly towards another?

[MrsFogi]

I went to the park with dd (19 mths) this weekend. As she walked up to one of the rides a boy about 6 mths older than her ran up to her and gave her a good push away from the ride. She wasn't hurt but was clearly shaken and upset as she's a very placid soul. So she just stood there with her lip quivering waiting for me to come over to her. I gave her a big cuddle and consoled her but wonder what is the etiquett - is it ok to tell the other boy that was not nice etc? I am torn between wanting dd to see that such behaviour is unacceptable and to start to learn how to stand up for herself whilst not wanting to tell other people's children off. How do you deal with this sort of situation?

[LazyLinePainterJane]

It is normal toddler behaviour.

[MrsFogi]

I know LLPJ I'm just wondering how mners deal with such behaviour so as to help their dcs deal with it themselves whilst at the same time respecting the other child.

[fireflyfairy2]

I always just comfort my own child. If the other child has a parent/guardian with them, surely it is up to them to say something to their child? [If they want] I don't think I have had it happen, but then my ds is capable of looking after himself at the grand old age of almost 3!

[Anna8888]

I tell other children when they queue barge/shove in front of my daughter that they should wait their turn, and she was there first. And I also tell her if she tries to queue barge. And I tell children who are waiting too patiently and get shoved out of the way to move into place quickly when it's their turn.

[HonoriaGlossop]

I agree with Anna - I tell other children, if there's no other adult who saw what happened or is in earshot. It's important that our kids see us speaking up against bad behaviour, otherwise how will they learn to do it themselves? How will they know what to say and how to say it in a firm but polite way?

Yes they are other people's kids but it wouldn't be right as an adult to ignore it. Don't see it as telling them off; you just need to let them know that you saw it and that it wasn't the thing to do. I wouldn't mind an adult saying that to my ds if he pushed (NOT that he EVER would ).

[aDad]

I tell them off, but without going over the top.

I seem to remember MN being quite divided on this one (and previous threads kicking off of course)

[Anna8888]

I think I try quite hard not to "tell other children off". I try to explain to them what good behaviour is/would be. And also how to stand up for themselves when confronted with bad behaviour.

[Dinosaur]

I wouldn't tell off a two-year old. An older child, yes.

[HonoriaGlossop]

Yes, it's not telling off; I wouldn't like another adult to wade in and 'tell off' my ds so I wouldn't do it to others. But I would state "no, don't push" or something like that, even to a two year old. I think it's important for our own kids to see that we can speak up when we don't like things, and it doesn't have to be aggressive at all.

[tori32]

If the parent was there I would talk to them, if not I would speak to the child and suggest they be careful around smaller children. My dd is only 20mths but if she stands on a child younger or pushes someone I will take her to task over it and tell her its not nice. She also has to say sorry.(because she is able)

[curiouscat]

I take the easy way out and tell my child to stay away from x. At least this way your child can be responsible and choose who he/she plays with and doesn't have to be around the nasty types (normal toddlers, ok).

IME adults who let their kids push and shove others around are unlikely to tell them off when it's your child getting shoved. I'd rather my child had the choice to move away and do something else after a first incident.

Yet I don't think anyone would mind if you tell a child that's not yours politely 'excuse me, it's x's go now,' or 'can we have the spade back please?'

[serenity]

Agree, I wouldn't tell them off the same way as I would my own children, but I'd definitely say something along the lines if 'that's not a nice thing to do' if they were still there. I wouldn't chase them down to say it, and I wouldn't ask them to say sorry either.