19mo hitting and pulling hair - will it ever stop?!

[rosmerta]

Ok, I know this is a normal development phase but its just getting me down so much. My 19mo ds will hit and pull hair but only on me! I hate having to tell him off and say no all the time but if I ignore him he just does it more.

Sometimes he laughs but more often now when I say 'no, you've hurt mummy or made mummy sad' then he starts to cry so I'm sure he knows he's doing wrong but why won't he stop?!

What gets me down the most though is it's just on me, he's very gentle with dh and with other children, we've shown him how to stroke instead of hit so I just don't understand why he still does it on me. Its really making me upset and today after he did it whilst I was putting him down for his nap I just had to cry .

Sorry that's so long but any advice or just the 'its a phase' mantra would be very helpful!

[rosmerta]

bump

today has been horrible, everytime I sit down to play with him he ends up hitting me

[mishymoo]

My 2 yr old does the same thing (only hitting) every now and then, particularly if he doesn't get his own way! It started off that I was the main one he would vent his frustration on but now it seems to be DH as well. I am not too concerned about it and I do think it's just a phase (there's the mantra!!).

A friends DD used to pinch her quite badly and alot but she seems to have grown out of it or rather doesn't do it as much - she was 2 in June!

Don't forget...Mummy is the closest thing he has so you will always be first in the 'firing line'!

Keep your chin up...it will get easier!

[rosmerta]

thanks mishymoo, its always helpful to know you're not the only one going through stuff! And whilst I know its just a phase , why does it have to seem like such a long one?

[Ants]

Rosmerta - sorry, I've no advice, my DS is two and does the same thing. I get really upset over this as it really hurts and I don't tolerate the hair-pulling very well at all and get quite angry with him at times. And what's worse, nobody else I know seems to have this problem.

We've tried everything (explaining, telling off, ignoring, sitting him on the naughty step), but nothing seems to work. DH recons DS thinks it's a game, but I'm sure he's quite aware that he's hurting me. He seems to be doing it when he's either getting tired or when he's trying to attract my attention but I'm busy doing something else.

[Nip]

rosmerta - i am in exactly the same boat as you - my DS is 16mo. I actually posted on it the other day. here

He really likes to go for me, but also any children that he is playing with also gets a hair yanking and its awful.

I'm hoping this 'phase' will be over soon too - i'm running out of hair!

[Sidge]

Try this, it worked for us:

When hit/pushed/hair pulled etc take the child firmly by the upper arms facing you, look them straight in the eye with a steely glare and say "NO!" loudly and in your scariest voice! Say "We do NOT hit/slap/pull hair/whatever" then put them an arms length away from you and walk away a short distance. Ignore them (not literally but you get my drift) and do something else, pretend to rearrange the curtains if needed, just make a point of withdrawing your attention.

After a minute or two (no longer) go back, crouch down and say "Are you ready to play nicely now?" and if they are, hug and start playing again. If they kick off, walk away again for another minute then repeat.

The sudden withdrawal of attention is very powerful and sort of jolts them into realising that the behaviour was not acceptable.

Hope it helps.

[sarahgg]

My DD2 has just turned two, and we have this problem, badly. I have tried to ignore, walk away etc, but soesn't have any effect. If I walk away she will grab my leg and clings - even when I walk away. She thinks its a huge laugh. Directed at me and DD1 (6). Has never attacked DH. I try and move her to naughty stair, but that becomes a game too. Took her on holiday and got off plane with my face bleeding, baby laughing. Starts nursery Friday so wonder what she will do there.

[rosmerta]

Thanks everyone for the replies

Sidge, I had been saying 'no, we don't do that' but it hadn't been working. However, I withdrew my attention for a minute and then ds would give me a kiss and a cuddle. Before he would just hit me again!

The last 2 days have been much better because of that! I reckon that because I would say 'no' and then ask for a kiss and a cuddle to say sorry that would just confuse him and he hadn't realised he'd done something wrong.

[Sidge]

Glad it's working!!