New baby and jealous 3 year old

[clairemaeve]

Hello, we've just had our second baby - a boy. Our little girl is 3 years old. She is normally very good natured and well behaved but since the baby has been born she has been very naughty and jealous despite our efforts to always talk to her and pay attention to her above the baby. Obviously however, things like breastfeeding make this difficult as this is a time when the baby has to have the attention.

Does anyone have any suggestions about what to do, we really want her to enjoy her new brother

[cktwo]

Just stick with it. My toddler can just about stand the baby now she is 8months but its been difficult esp. feeding times. The hardest I found was dealing with the guilt - I felt guilty when I ignored the baby crying to deal with the toddler, and guilty when I was feeding that I couldn't play/read with the toddler. Its so hard. But just keep doing what you're doing and when the baby is older and can be left with other people, its good to spend some time alone with the toddler. I now hand baby over to grandma on Monday mornings for a bit of toddler time and that has helped tremendously.

Oh, and I also have installed a couple of playpens/travel cots I got off freecycle in various rooms so I can safely leave the kids together while I go for a wee etc. Jealous 2 year olds can have a habit of hitting the baby.

[pinkem]

Have you tried asking dd to help you with ds? For instance if you are changing a nappy could dd get the nappy ready while you do the messy bit then she could help you stick down the sides. When dressing ds your dd could decide which outfit he wears. Just small things but if you let dd know that she is being such a big help and you could not do it without her etc.
While breastfeeding would she pretend to feed her baby (doll) at the same time or would you be able to read a story.
Just a few suggestions hope they help.

[ProfYaffle]

Agree with Sleepycat (dd1 was 2.10 when dd2 was born) also just be kind to her, cut her some slack, remember she's had a major upheaval in her life. Lots of cuddles and reassurance.

[aloha]

IME the jealous, super-attention seeking stage is totally natural and lasts about 10 weeks max - then they sort of forget there was ever a time when they didn't have a baby. I found ds LOVED it when I talked in the baby's voice - and he was three when dd was born. I'd adopt a little squeaky voice and say things like 'oh big brother you are so clever/lovely' and 'I love my big brother', 'please can I have a cuddle big brother', and 'I wish I could eat cake like my big brother' or even 'this milk is nice but I'd like real food like my clever big brother'. He just LOVED it. I honestly think it helped them bond. I also called her 'ds's baby' a lot, and made him feel as if she belonged to him. That made him feel proud. They are two and five now and thick as thieves. Ds cried tonight when I said he could go to see The Gruffalo's Child with his adored Grandma but not his sister (who is afraid of the 'monter'). 'It won't be fun without her' he sobbed.

[motherinferior]

I'd let her be herself. You can't, I'm afraid, make her enjoy it if she doesn't want to - I was three when my sister was born and tbh I loathed her for about a decade. (We're good friends now, though.) She's very little, and she's been displaced.

[oregonianabroad]

Lots of attention and praise when she does things well and is nice to baby.
point out whenever baby is looking anywhere remotely close, 'ooh, look, baby is smiling at you! must be coz you're such a good big sister' etc...
I found this book really helpful:
Three socks and no, I didn't write it, even tho I have already recommended it on here once tonight -- you're definitely not the only one with this problem, if that makes you feel any better!

[carocaro]

ds2 is now six months old and ds1 is 5, so a bigger gap, but the jelousy and anger was aimed at me, not the baby, it was so hard and first, dealing with them both and feeling rubbish at it, this lasted about 9 weeks and just me and the elder boy going out together on our own, even just to the local supermarket for a juice and cake with a comic worked wonders (hard when you BF but even an hour would do) but hand on heart, six months later and we have all clicked into a great gear with each other and they adore adore adore each other! DS1 hugs and kissed him all the time and DS2 laughs his head off; he also kicks his little legs in the pram when ds1 gets out of school. To see them laugh and interact with it each is just fab, think of this when the baby is wailing, your daughter is tantruming and you've needed a wee 4 about 5 hours and tea is burning!! I think time is just what you all need to help each other. Oh and DS is chief muslin square getter 2p each time in his money box - he's loaded! xxx