HELP! having stupid argument with partner about mornings with 4 yr old

[conkeyhead]

Can you help? My four year old wakes every morning around 7.30/8am (I know, I'm very lucky) and comes straight into our room (stomp stomp stomp), usually launching straight into the middle of a conversation we were having the previous night. She generally jumps into bed for a cuddle, and then we have a quick chat about the day and get up to make tea. I think this is a very nice way to start the day, although admit to not really liking being woken up - but as I'm not a morning person and never have been, I don't like being woken up by anything!! My partner (not her father), finds this really annoying and has got it into his head that she shouldn't be waking us up at all and wants to change this routine (we're expecting another baby and he wants it sorting before the next one comes).

One suggestion he had was to close the door on her and tell her she's not allowed in our room at all. He says when he was little he was never allowed in his parents room - I have suggested this memory may be from when he was 7 or 8 rather than four!! I personally think closing the door on her would be really mean, and frankly rather inpractical as you can't really leave a 4yr old roaming around the place unattended!!

I've tried to explain that children do just get up in the mornings, and whether they just holler for their parents, or come and find them, do just generally need attending to and as neither of us are morning people, we're probably always going to find this hard. Of course I'm horribly hormonal at the moment and slightly worried anyway about him not loving my daughter as much as his own child, so am being horribly defensive every time we discuss it and crying alot; but really need to find a solution or a good arguement to shut him up!! Any ideas?

[ChipButty]

Agree a set time when she can come in to you - perhaps half an hour after she wakes. She should be able to amuse herself in her room with a book/colouring etc. Agree that I don't think you should shut her out and I don't think her coming in at that time of the morning is excessive - some days our DCs wake us at 5.30! Good luck. xx

[gordieracer]

I love my Ds's coming to wake me up, i think it;'s really out of order to say they can't come in.

[3madboys]

um i think your partner is being unreasonable tbh, she is 4, and 7:30 is a perfectly reasonable time for kids to get up, in fact i would consider that dam lucky.

mine all wake at about 7, the littlest is in bed with us and then the elder two, 5 and 7 come through and have cuddle and chat, then they play in their room whilst i have ten mins in bed and then have a shower etc.

does he not want your dd in the room at all? or does he just think its too early? either way i think he is being unreasonable. as a compromise maybe ask her if she can knock and not just barge in etc, but i dont see any problem with what she is doing.

[LucyJones]

Ah the poor ting.
She does rillianlty to lie in til 7.30/8am
Don't see why she'd should amuse herself in her room with a colouring book after she's been such a star
I know when I get up all I want is the loo and breakfast
I think your dp is being unreasonable tbh

[LadyMacbeth]

Dd1 has a habit of waking us at 6ish which I think is too early. She is being taught to stay in bed until we go and get her - usually half an hour later.

I have to say that if she didn't wake until 7.30/8 we would be the ones waking her! I would gladly welcome her into my bed if she could just let me sleep until then!

Your partner not allowing her in is unfair IMO... she is after all your child and you should have the final say as to how you treat her... If it were me she should come first and your dp should accept and respect that.

His attitude is not going to do much for their relationship IMO.

[arfishy]

Yes, of course this seems too early to a non-parent.

Your DD is being fantastic waking up this late - my nearly 5 year old is still prone to waking up at 5am.

I'm afraid getting up earlier than you'd like is just part and parcel of being a parent and your DH needs to get to grips with this before he is a dad.

You don't need to deal with this while you're pg and tbh it worries me that it's making you cry - you need more support than this.

[conkeyhead]

ooh everything makes me cry so don't worry about that!!

Thanks for all support.

And what's IMO?

[3madboys]

imo, means in my opinion

i really think that your dp may be in for a shock when the baby arrives, if he finds being woken up at 7:30 unreasonable what is he going to think of the baby waking every two hours or deciding to be nocturnal when it first arrives? good luck with it, does he have any friends with children, perhaps if he spoke to some of them he would realise that she is actually being very good

[clutteredup]

sorry, you have a life that would allow you to stay in bed beyond 7.30 with or without dd waking you most pepole get up at that time or earlier, i think its fine, i wish my dc would wait till that late! and its lovely to snuggle with them first thing, it makes up for the early wake up call

[arfishy]

I would love to snuggle. Mine comes in at 5am and bounces all over the bed until I give up and grudgingly head towards the kettle.

[BandofMothers]

God, I wish my 3.7 yo would sleep that late, let alone DD2 nearly 1yo.

Is he expecting the baby to sleep that late???Or will it be ok when it's his child???

Think he's well out of order tbh, and I am sooooooooooooo not a morning person.
DD2 sometimes up at 5, DD1 usually up by 6:30, often earlier

[conkeyhead]

Yes I am quite looking forward to new baby (he met DD when she was 2) as in lots of different ways it will show how good she and easy she is!! But I won't be smug...nooooo no no no, not me!

[amidaiwish]

he'll be in for a shock when the new baby wakes up at a "normal" time, like 6am.

sorry, am v jealous. 6.30 is a mega lie-in for us with our DDs.

no way can you close the door on her, esp not now when you are expecting a baby.

sorry, prob not helpful comments. I think he's in for a massive shock when the new baby comes and he realises what normality is and what an angel your DD is. Suddenly then her coming in at 7.30 won't be an issue as you will not be asleep!!!

[bozza]

I think he is being silly. You cannot ban her from your room. You can set a reasonable getting up time but since she already has a more than reasonable getting up time you cannot complain.

And how well is banning her from your room going to go down when the baby is in their at all hours. Then she will need her morning cuddle more than ever.

[bubblagirl]

well my son is 2.3 and comes into our bed in the middle of the night but were ok with it now not how i want it but we get slepp and he'll soon get out of it i hope

but before he did this he would come in at 5am or 6 but i think this is completely normal to shut her out would be quite mean as this is a routine she has known for ages and thats not exactly a bad time i'd have been up hours by then lol but if you wanted extra time could you not put a film on for her or cebeebies and tell her to sit and wait for you to get up i have got up made ,my son a drink and toast or a banana if too tired and he'll sit happily on his bed watching pingu and i get extra time but i do get up at silly o clock

good luck

[nailpolish]

what i think you should do is

agree to have to door shut
dd can then knock on the door and say "its me mummy"
you and dd can then go downstairs and have a snuggle on the couch

when baby is born of course you know that at 730 your dp will have been up for 2hrs already

good luck

[Anna8888]

I think your DP is being unreasonable . 7.30 is a very good wake up time for a four year old.

[conkeyhead]

Thanks all, I'm already feeling much better just for talking. I know I'm lucky with the wake up time, she goes to bed at 8 (as we don't get home til 6) and sleeps 12 hours from whatever time I put her to bed. I can't imagine for a minute new baby will be anything like her!!

I think I might suggest we buy a big pink clock in her room and give her a time to come in; might be a bit of a compromise rather than not budging at all, as I have been. Will also then teach her to tell the time!!!!

The thought of her sitting on the outside of a closed door, particularly when new baby is in the room nearly breaks my heart!!

[nailpolish]

if you dont like the thought of her sitting outside a closed door, then i suggest you just get up

[Quattrocento]

Gosh my children do this every morning and I encourage it. I love a morning snuggle. Often end up catching a later train in the morning because I have had a longer snuggle than I should've. My children are 9 and 7 and have both always done it. The DS is first up and gets in around 6am. It's LOVELY.

He hasn't had children yet has he? He's not being reasonable.

[amidaiwish]

what time would he think is reasonable or does he just not want her getting into your bed at all?

what time does he need to get up?

[bozza]

I think when there is just about to be a new baby this is a really silly time to make a fuss like this.

[conkeyhead]

He gets up around 8.30ish - I think he is being unreasonable and knows it but for some reason we're not getting anywhere with it. He just doesn't like being woken up generally and I think is worrying when the new baby comes, he'll be up all night with me feeding, and then having DD wake him up and then dealing with working all day - he's getting in a bit of a state. Poor boy! (also I keep making jokes about how I'm going to sleep all day as DD will be at school) It did emerge when I couldn't get to the bottom of what he was expecting the other day that she had poked him in the eye the other morning when he was in a really deep sleep!!!! Bless!!

[EscapeFrom]

YOu CANNOT make her knock and ask for permission to see her mummy when her sibling is in there already. You just can't.

And your dp may well have been brought up like this, but that doesn't mean his parents were right.