Everything is mummy's fault at the moment

[OrmIrian]

DS#1 blames me for everything that goes wrong. Everything. It started about 3 months ago and at first I just laughed at it but now it?s really beginning to hurt. He loses something = mummy putting it somewhere. He hurts himself = mummy put something in the way so he tripped over it. He gets into trouble = mummy?s fault for not telling him he shouldn?t do it. And he gets quite angry too. And DH can do no wrong. Even though he shouts at them and is very impatient at times (when they don?t jump to it when he wants to go out, or when they interrupt his reading the paper for example ). But what they remember is the brief period when he?s play-fighting with them, making them laugh, buying them toys). DH reckons it?s because I?m the one whose with them more often, getting them up, taking them to school, feeding them, getting them to bed more often than not. So they don?t need to try with me ? I?m always there. I admit I get ranty sometimes but I put that down to being the Martha to his Mary when it comes to the kids and always being in a rush. DS#2 told DH that he?s ?his best? and DD thinks DH is more fun. But they don?t blame me for everything like DS#1 does.

I remember looking forward to my dad coming home. He was always happy to see us and had/made time to play with us. I clearly remember preferring him . I hate the idea that that is how my children think of me. Is it a normal part of a boy?s development to resent his mother at certain times. I know he loves me ? when I?ve told him that he?s hurt me he always gives me a big hug and says sorry. But why does he do it?

[GooseyLoosey]

How old is he?

Not sure how much help I have to offer but have been there. Ds (now 4.2) went through about 18 months of preferring dh (who like yours sounds was far from the perfect parent). I felt ashamed as I thought I had failed my son and I did not have the relationship with him that I dreamed I would have.

I found it was the wrong thing to show it upset me and ds started to do more pro-daddy things as he liked the power over mummy. It got better when I said things like "I'm sorry you feel like that, but I love you loads" and ignored what he did and pretended it hadn't happened.

Can you make a game of the things he blames you for so you diffuse the situation and make it in to one where he does not have any power over you? So if he says "mummy put it somewhere" play along "I don't remember that - where could it be? Is it in my ear? No. Under my chair? No" etc, whatever might make him laugh. May also make mummy seem more fun.

Can dh do some of the boring stuff like bedtime instead of you?

[OrmIrian]

Hi Goosey,

he's 10. Which somehow makes it worse. He's old enough to know better. And to be more rational.

Dh should do more of the banal stuff but he doesn't. I know. That's a different battle though....