How do you (thats if you do?) discipline your children? (2-3yo)

[hummingbird123]

DC is 2.8. From an early age we have always tried to discipline her when she does something undesirable in our house, ie tantrums = being ignored (but hugs after), biting/kicking etc will be one warning, and then if she does is again (or does not apologize to the person etc) its time out for 2 minutes and she must then apologize to the person she has hurt. of course she also gets treats for being good, whether she has played on her own whilst i am cooking food or if we have been out and she has been good, so its not all punishment lol. This has worked for us and generally she is VERY well behaved. Of course we try not to push limits and always make sure she is well rested/fed/watered (lol, I make her sound like a plant)
I as amazed though when I saw a friend (hadn't seen her for ages) with her 2.2 year old, her lo wanted me to play with her and when I didnt do it immediatley her DD then kicked me (it really hurt) on my shin!! Then, when I still didnt play with her she rolled on the floor and had a tantrum and she got cuddles! I was totally shocked when her mum laughed it off saying thats toddlers for you! My dd copied about 10 mins later(kicking that is), which resulted in her going into time out, to my friends utter amazement saying how could i be so cruel????
Was I too harsh on DD?? I know it wasnt her fault she kicked, she was just copying, but whatever the reason, I don't find it acceptable and surely its better for me to be consistent with her no matter who i am with and where we are??
I have never questioned what I do with DD and thought I was doing okish with raising her, but after being with someone who does not do anything when there DD is naughty really got me questioning what I do, I guess I would really really appreciate hearing how you discipline your children of a similar age? Its got me thinking maybe I am harsh doing time out? Is it cruel?

tia x

[tortoise]

Sounds like you are doing a great job.
I have a nearly 3yr old DD2 and i use time out on her (As i do my other 3 DC). Luckily she is generally well behaved and doesn't need it often.

[NAB3]

The 2 year old is sent to the bottom step and the almost 4 and 6 year olds get sent to their rooms. They have to sit on their beds, no playing, talking or reading.

[muppetgirl]

You're doing fantastically well with your houseplant ehem, dd!

We discipline our ds and have done since he was young. We believe that you can't just 'switch' on discipline at a certain age that it is a slow, progressional thing. My ds is 3.4 and we are constantly being told he's poilte, kind etc which makes me bristle with pride but it has been a long and hard journey in which we have had to be consistent and fair but above all age appropriate in our expectations.

I don not accept my son ever hitting, biting, kicking etc and would always make him apologise for his bad behaviour to the person/child it's diretced at.
Give yourself a pat on the back you're doing a fab job!

[muppetgirl]

Sorry, in answer to your question (went off on one sorry!)

We send him to his room but we did do the naughty step (until he was like a sulky teenager and became quite sarcastic!)
He also gets toys taken away but the worst thing of all is to call him a 'naughty' boy -he hates that!

[Miaou]

hummingbird, your approach is just the same as ours with our kids. Ds is two in a couple of weeks and we don't tolerate tantrums/kicking/hitting - he has to say sorry for hitting etc, and gets ignored if he tantrums. Like your dd, he is well-behaved and happy 90% of the time. We did the same with our dds (now 10 and 8) and it worked a treat with them too.

We got the same horrified reactions from family/friends when we embarked on this method of parenting, and I know for a fact that we were seen as being "cruel" or "too hard on them". However we are reaping the benefits of being so firm and our children love us so we did something right at least

We will also explain to ds why he mustn't do things - even if he doesn't understand now he will begin to understand - like muppetgirl says, it's not a switch!

[boo64]

Hi
Yep I agree with the others - you sound like you are doing a fab job. I can't believe the friend is so lax - a 2.2 year old can understand some discipline and needs to know that kicking isn't right surely!

With ds (just turned 2), we ignore tantrums, and if he (thankfully fairly rarely) is doing something bad (e.g. throwing a toy, aggression) we say no firmly, go down to his level and explain 'we do not throw' etc - standard stuff really.

We don't do the naughty step yet - partly as what we currently do works well. Might introduce it soon if that changes though!

[PanicPants]

Think you have the right idea. We do the same with ds and he is generally well behaved too.

[gegs73]

We did the same for ds1, naughty corner/timeout and he has always been really well behaved as a result. Now he has got to 3.2 however, he just sits in the naughty corner looking around not really bothered, so now if he is naughty he has the threat of no PC/boys TV for a morning or afternoon which seems to work too.

[tassi]

Hi hummmingbird
I do what you do and have no regrets, the only thing i dont do is send her to her room because it took us along time when she was younger to sleep in her own room, so we dont want her to think going to bed is a punishment dose this make sense. keep up with what your doing other wise you will have a monster on your hands

[KTNoo]

It sounds to me like you are doing everything right - you're in control and your dd knows that. I'm sure instinctively you know you're doing the right thing in being firm and consistent about boundaries. I've also questioned my approach at times, when faced with friends who have a completely diefferent view of discipline. It's tricky when you don't agree with friends on this as it affects the mood every time you meet. You can't do anything about that. I see people all the time who are obviously completely controlled by their kids but they don't seem to see it. I really think children are happier with boundaries - don't worry, you're doing a great job.

It will be interesting for you as your dd gets older - when we have children over to play without parents I usually make them follow the same rules as my kids, with some interesting results! Does everyone else do that?

[Miaou]

Yes KTNoo, we have an "our house, our rules" policy. Tbh once kids get a hang of it, we find they actually enjoy it. Where we used to live dd1 had a friend who was basically allowed to do what she wanted at home, and if she didn't get her way she would whine and nag. Well after a couple of aborted attempts at our house she soon learnt that nagging/whining never works at our house! But she often used to tell dd1 how much she loved being round ours (she was a really picky eater too but we didn't make concessions to that either and we had her eating all sorts of things she wouldn't normally try). I think you are right; kids actually like boundaries.

[lailasmum]

We don't do the naughty step/timeout ever. But tend to ignore our daughter if she is unpleasant and praise good behaviour. It works well with her but she is not physical and doesn't kick or bite so I don't have that to contend with. Plus my whole family do it with her. The only exception is my sister (we only see her about twice a year) who uses a different method on her step kids, which is more telling off and punishment orientated and totally doesn't work with my daughter as she is a very verbal child and revels in the opportunity to argue and has done for the last 18months or so. Its amazing how they blow up when they are put together.

I guess whatever you do you have to do it with a united front.

[barbamama]

Ds is 21/2 and I'd say our approach is pretty similar to yours and works quite well too. Nothing extreme, mainly based on the ignore bad, praise good stuff.

Tantrums (doesn't really do anymore) = ignore then cuddles, all forgotten etc.

Excessive whinging, whining, throwing etc = up to bedroom for a couple of minutes - calms him down and doesn't seem to have negative associations with bedtime

Any snatching, fighting, hitting with other children = say sorry, cuddle etc - toy taken away until said sorry.

Treats and praise for good behaviour.

[MadamePlatypus]

I don't think you are doing anything wrong, and I certainly ignore tantrums. People do have different opinions about discipline, but I am more surpised at your friend's behaviour towards you than anything else. I am not sure whether to think she is wrong or whether to be totally in awe of somebody who is so chilled about how their child's behaviour appears towards another mum!

[bozza]

If either of my children had kicked you at that age they would have been sent to sit on the step and then made to apologise to you. If they refused to apologise they would have been back on the step.

[berolina]

We choose our battles carefully with ds (2.2), but if something is unacceptable, e.g. unsafe or (rarely) hurting/inconveniencing others, we tell him very clearly no and if he ignores this, remove him from the situation. He either tantrums very briefly indeed - which we usually deal with by distraction - or (occasionally) gets so worked up he can't handle it and can't stop, and we feel then it's important not to ignore, but to offer reassurance - he's only 2, afetr all, not much more than a baby. He gets lots of praise when he's 'good', but not 'treats' explicitly for being 'good' as such, and if we 'punish' it's always very immediately linked to the situation (e.g. Lego bricks taken away for repeated refusal to stop throwing them). He seems to be shaping up just fine.

[HonoriaGlossop]

humming, you sound as if you are doing a really fab job. And congratulations for realising that keeping a child fed/watered/rested actually has a big impact on their behaviour!!! I do see parents expecting HUGE amounts of good behaviour from kids in situations where the kids are obviously being pushed beyond their limits of tiredness/boredom/hunger, and the parent will come down HARD on the child without for one moment thinking whether they had something to do in creating the problem! anyway I digress, as I say you are clearly spot on in your approach. Your friend will have a few struggles ahead of her for sure, if she is not doing anything about her dd's behaviour....

I definitely think that boundaries are more what it's about than 'discipline'. Showing that you are firm and consistent is what's needed and that can be done in many ways with 'time out' as a last resort really.

[teafortwoandtwofortea]

Just to echo everyone else really - we do pretty much the same as you and I think (obviously!) that it's the right way to go. I have a good friend a bit like yours that we see once a week or so. TBH now her daughter is older it's getting slightly better but I still don't think I've had a proper adult uninterupted conversation with her yet. Her DD whines constantly and treats her like a climbing frame BUT the crucial thing is that my friend is OK with that - I think it's just one of those things where we just have a mutual understanding that we're the polar opposites of eachother