Help! Clingy baby screams so much no one noticed he was ill until he went blue....

[georgecat]

I'm seeking advice for a mate in desperation with a clingy 14-month-old son. He insists on being attached to his mother at all times ? literally joined at the hip ? and goes into astonishing hysterics if removed. They last until he is reattached. He used to accept taking a break for sleep, but now won't sleep unless he can lie on his mother. He pushes away his father and sister if they try and approach either of them.

The daily noise level is so high that, when he had gastro-enteritis, no one could tell he was ill until he went blue (dehydration led to heart failure.) This terrified his mother. He started to crawl, walk and talk a few months ago, but no longer speaks and now only moves to crawl to his mother (if she tries to put him down). He doesn't play with toys or show interest in anything other than his mother, although he will make eye contact with others,understands what people are saying, and can be left with a childminder.

What can the family do? Right now all mummy does is keep him close. All suggestions gratefully received. Thanks so much.

[suezee]

so he will be left while his mother isnt there then ???????????, i think that she needs to start breaking this cycle......has she tried playing with him with these toys then moving away from him while he is occupied??????, even if he starts to cry she needs to detach herself from his manipulation.......what about the dh taking him out on his own so that they get a chance to bond together without her being there. he may rebel at this first but its all about training him to do something out of the ordinary. i think she needs to make an appoinment to see her health visitor and see if she can get any help

[LaBoheme]

Sounds like a really traumatic situation. He had gastro-enteritis and the only symptom was crying? wasn't he sick with diarrhea also?
It sounds like he is very insecure, a bit odd about not communicating to others. I think the Mummy is doing the right thing keeping him close but should slowly encourage him to communicate with others whilst she is there, have they talked to their HV?

[georgecat]

Well, he had diarrhea which everyone put down to teething, and that was the only symptom - according to the consultant some bugs work like that.

I suggested that I go over to their house and play with him while she's there. It's a pretty thankless task, because he screams and ain't interested in the toys; but do you think it's worth perservering?

I also suggested that her dh do bedtime; what do you think?

[CarGirl]

How is he with the CM? If he still shows a lack of interest in toys etc then there could be some other factor at play?

[LaBoheme]

I really think the Mummy should speak to the HV tbh. If he has been like this from birth it sounds troubling, and a baby crying/ screaming all day to such a extent just doesn't sound right.

[LaBoheme]

How is his fluid/ water intake btw? My friends baby was v agitated for months and GP suggested giving more cooled, boiled water throughout the day which made a huge difference.

[CoteDAzur]

It just doesn't sound right that a mother wouldn't know DS has gastro-enteritis until he has heart failure. Especially since they are so "attached".

For those lucky enough not to have seen it, a child with gastro-enteritis:

• does not eat anything for something like a week.
  
• has heavy diarrhea & is possibly sick (throws up)
  
• usually has high fever
  
• is lethargic if parents don't respond to his diarrhea with rehydrating fluids. That means, a dehydrated child gets quiter, not noiser. (WTF is wrong with that HV that said it's teething???)
  
  If he still has the gastro, it is normal that he is so clingy. I caught it from DD once, and all I wanted to do was curl up somewhere nice and soft and not move. His tummy is aching, he is weak and tired. Not surprising that he wants his mum to hug him all the time.

[lulumama]

if he is screaming that much, there might be an underlying problem, eg reflux, food intolerance, allergy...that sort of thing
if he has been like this since birth rather than just as a phase, then it shoudl be investigated

definitely agree it is significant how he behaves with the CM

and my DD had gastro twice, there was no way that i could have missed it , the amount of poo and vomit was unbelievable,

[CoteDAzur]

Not to mention at not noticing the dry nappies.

[MrsMarvel]

It may help if you go with your friend to the GP so GP can get another opinion.

You have to be careful when you get into a situation where the line is blurred between emotional problems and health problems. Both are important but if you only see one side the other suffers. IYSWIM.