At end of tether - why does dd3 cry/moan all day? -is she really that unhappy?

[shagirl]

Honestly from the moment she wakes in the morning to the moment she goes to bed she is constantly crying, moaning or whinging & I just don't know what to do - I am personally finding it very trying and am getting stressed out cos of it, also other 2 dd's are missing out on my attention but am beginning to think maybe there is a deeper underlying problem as surely an 18mth old just can't be that unhappy with life!!!!!!!!!
Every event in the day is a hassle - from getting her to eat at the table to getting her into her car seat & then out the car, at hime she follows me round the house moaning. Help please?????????????????

[Walnutshell]

Sorry - this is probably unhelpful, but I do sympathise. While our 20 month old ds is of course charming, funny, clever and gorgeous (blah blah blah) he is also Hard Work. Gosh, that's a horrible thing to say and he really is fabulous too, but it's a shortcut to describe how life feels sometimes. I don't think he is unhappy, but he certainly likes everything one way - His Way - and even that isn't always right! I think it's just normal toddler stuff....?

It takes a lot of effort to be bright, breezy and entertaining hour after hour.

[Walnutshell]

When you say "moaning" - specific words? Just noise?

[reikizen]

my dd1 went through a phase of constant whinging just after dd2 was born, nothing was right. You know, car seat too tight, I'll do it myself blah blah. It drove me to the brink and then...stopped. Who knows?

[Ecmo]

oh yes I've been there! my ds moaned from the moment he was born till he started school and then I had people telling me how lovely he was. I thought they had confused him with someone else, as soon as he walked in he'd start moaning again!
He grew out of it soon after he started school. I think its an attention seeking thing but it certainly is very trying!

[gegs73]

DS1 was like this at this age and it was his teeth. Hence a dummy until the age of 2 when they had all come through He's fine now.

[shagirl]

Well as a baby she was gorgeous & v.contented.
Walnutshell she just 'moans' at a constant moany pitch!!
I think it is attention seeking as she's trying to compete with her 2 older sisters but it's just so hard to know how to deal with it!

[Walnutshell]

Ah, bless her! Having said that, ds can drive me nuts - some days I feel like I can't get anything done because he just wants me to be somewhere else doing something else... Not too bad if he's outdoors being fully entertained (park, beach etc) but even then...
If you've ruled out any possible illness then all I can say is good luck! Presumably the other dc's weren't the same?

[CarGirl]

my near 2 year old truly seams to believe she is actually 4 and tries to compete with the older ones and wants to be just like them. She was a vry content and easy baby before she started to move, she doesn't moan etc but she hates the pushchair/car seat etc and makes her thoughts on that known! She has her cuddly with her most of the day perhaps that is the only reason why she doesn't moan.

[teafortwoandtwofortea]

Has she found a toy yet that she can pay lots of attention to and engage with? It was around this age DS1 became very moany - I got a brio track and played at lenght with him for a few weeks with it and then he was happy to play with it by himself for hours (and still does at nearly three).

Could you dedicate half an hour to just her twice a day playing with something she can carry on with after you've finished and thereafter gently tell her that mummy is busy and you'll have some more time later? The ELC do some lovely girly kitchen/fairy things that look quite good but also you could go for the train set too - they do pink ones!

A friend of mine had this problem with her daughter and TBH in my opinion it has just escalated. I think you need to decide either not to resent it and hope she'll grow out of it, or try to deal with it and 'nip it in the bud' as it were. I couldn't have coped with it constantly so a drew a line on it, my friend decided not to wich she is OK with but I don't think now she has enough time for her other children because the youngest is so clingy.

Up to you, sorry if I've not been much help.

[shagirl]

teafortwoandtwofortea thankyou you have given me some good ideas to run with! Defo want to nip it in the bud rather than prolong! xx

[teafortwoandtwofortea]

Good luck! The only thing I know for sure about parenting is that it's bl*^dy hard whatever you do!

I also just thought to say, I don't know whether you have this option but we based our toy choices on what DS1 gravitated towards and stayed with at his nursery and also a long period in our children's ward playroom - you get to try out lots of stuff without wasting loads of money

[Bectheneck]

DD2 was like this. I could do nothing right for her. Eg she'd cry for a drink and then cry when I gave it her! But she improved no end once she started school. Now 14 and a lovely girl.

One of my sisters was like this apparently. Mum says she (sis) used to follow her around whinging and even used to put her mouth to the door (if it was shut) and whinge through it. She's still , shall we say, high maintenance now and she's 43!

It's hard work but you're not doing anything wrong - some kids are just like that. Sorry I can't offer any solutions but I do sympathise!

[boo64]

ds (just 2) can be pretty whiney and stroppy and has long been hard work (although not as a newborn - similarly to your dd) - he has got quite a lot better since your dd's age now he can communicate better.

Maybe try and encourage her to communicate in other ways - she presumably doesn't have many words yet, but you could ask her to point to what she wants? Ds isn't a great talker and has invented a few signs which has helped too.

Most of all making as many things as possible fun has made a huge difference with ds. Things he would complain about/ hate we made out were really fun and all a big game. So for face wiping - which he hates, we have done all sorts of tricks but at the moment he seems to like being told he is handsome so I tell him the smeared food/ dirty face is making him less handsome and this will make him more handsome (sounds stupid and obviously wouldn't work for everyone's dc - mine must be very vain!) Another one - he was whining about having his nappy changed so now I challenge him to see if he can roll onto the mat and 'land' in the right place. Stupid but it distracts him and he gets praised. That is probably a rubbish example but basically we have put a huge effort into all this (it was getting very tiring before so I think it was worth it) and it really seems to work and make him more positive. We also do a lot of daddy likes doing x/ 'older child' (i.e. older kids names who he knows) loves doing y etc

Sorry if this sounds prescriptive or if I am suggesting things you might well do already - it is just what has worked with ds to cut down the endless whining!

[boo64]

p.s. also I've found that the more stressed i get with him he really picks up on it - he seems quite sensitive and then he just gets more upset so all the tricks with him seem to break the cycle of this and keep the mood lighter.