My 2 and a half year old is driving me insane

[DiagonAllieBongo]

Some days, i feel so stressed that i could run away and leave them all to it. dd has been a stroppy little beast for nearly a year. she has horrendous tantrums, cannot be distracted or talked around. will pinch or hit another child for no reason. will not sit in a buggy, will not hold my hand and walk, flops to the floor, screams, kicks, pinches and generally fights me every step of the way. i cannot get her in the car sometimes, people stop and have a good old snout. She eats a healthy diet, is on some medication for her asthma (although steroids make her worse) but the behaviour started before the medication came along. My HV was as helpful as they usually are, by giving me some leaflets. I never give in to her, i stick by my word, but still she pushes. I am so sick and tired of it I don't know what else to do ds (7) winds her up so that doesn't help, but then I am so stressed I have no patience left for him and end up shouting or crying. any advice?

[DiagonAllieBongo]

anyone?

[DiagonAllieBongo]

thanks calif. It just sucks. It's always her making a fuss, screaming shouting etc, and all the other kids look at her like she is a banshee. i know it will benefit her when she is older that she is confident, strong willed etc, i just find it exhausting, and go to bed with a knot in my stomach every night. we rarely go anywhere as a family as she kicks off as soon as we get there, she runs away from me, trashes everything, i cannot turn my back on her for 5 seconds, even at home. i just wish there was something i could do to try and get some sort of life again, without having to have her looked after by someone else so that we can go out

[FrayedKnot]

Deep, deep breath, and tell yourslef it will pass, one day.

DS is 3.4 and his tantrums although still existent, are more maneagable these days.

I remember last summer, DS was then 2.4, we were trying to P/T, there was that heatwave, and he was at the peak of his strop levels.

I thought I was going to explode most days.

We had physical battles about just abotu everything.

YOu sound a bit at teh end of your tether with it though. Do you have any opportunities for a break? Does she go to pre-school?

[FillydoraTonks]

no constructive advice really but much sympathy.

It does sound very hard. It also sounds fairly normal at 2.5, unfortunately.

[FillydoraTonks]

and these are, fundementally, GOOD traits, remember? perseverance, independence-in 20 years time odds are she'll make you very proud.

[DiagonAllieBongo]

she doesn;t attend nursery due to her asthma. she has been in hospital 5 times since April for bad attacks, so I was paying for her not to go really and couldn;t afford it. my niece is the same age and has the odd paddy, but she is horrendous. The Dr saw her in full strop once when I physically couldn't get her out of the toilet at the surgery as she was kicking pinching biting me etc. It took him and a nurse to restrain her (she was on steroids then so is much worse) I have an older ds so was prepared for the terrible 2s filly, but this is ten times worse, as often nothing triggers it. she will just go up to another child and pinch their face, or will wake a 2am in a rage and cannot be touched, but won't be left and takes an hour to calm down. my sister and my mum help as does dh, i think i am just having a bad day today

[nimnom]

Just wanted to say you're not on your own. my nearly 2 ds saves his nightmare behaviour for at home fortunately but even that is very draining.
Fillydoratonks is very right - if you can see as far ahead as twenty years time!

[DiagonAllieBongo]

yes filly, to your second post i deffo agree. people often say "ooh i can see who she gets it from" as i am a tad determined On a bad note, i did swear at a woman who was staring at one of her episodes the other day. i just lost it.
dd was laid on floor outside shop, screaming (my feet were under her head for protection)
nasty bint with toddler in pushchair stops to see what the commotion is.
3 minutes later she is still staring
2 minutes later she is still there, pensioners have moved on.
after 6 minutes of a good old beak I ask her if she "wants a fucking picture"
bint scuttles off

[nimnom]

Good for you!!

[DiagonAllieBongo]

you vent as much as you need.

[Rantmum]

Sounds really crappy - I am sure that you have tried everything, but what happens if you just walk away and ignore her(obviously not in the street, but at home) when a tantrum starts?

With my ds (also 2.5) sometimes it helps if I just walk away, out of the room and behave as if I can't even see or hear what he is doing - turn the hoover on or get on with some dishes. If I act nonplussed he usually winds himself down from full throttle screaming...sorry if that is not any help. Toddlers can be a nightmare.

[FillydoraTonks]

oh i know re the older kid

ds never tantrumed

dd started at about a year and is still going strong now

naturally when ds didn't tantrum i assumed that I had got something very right.

I have been dissuaded of that notion now

[DiagonAllieBongo]

my ds was quite lovely then. he can be a gob shite now. i think dd's are more inclined...

[FillydoraTonks]

oh god i even gave ADVICE to others

but believe me i have got my come uppance

but dd is getting so incredibly much better now, thank christ. we WILL keep her, I think

[FillydoraTonks]

you are most kind, cali

[DiagonAllieBongo]

that's the problem filly, there is no returns policy with them. i may contact trading standards

[Pruners]

Message withdrawn

[nimnom]

ds1 was a dream at 2 - I didn't believe in the "terrible 2's". ds2 has put me right on that one. And BTW ds1 is having the "terrible 4's" !!!

[Othersideofthechannel]

DiagonAlleyBongo, is there any way you can eliminate some of the battles? It might help her if she gets her way occasionally and would be less stressful for both of you. Maybe on some of the issues you could give her more independence? For example DD who has a similar determined, independent streak to to your DD (but not to the same extent - only a couple of tantrums a day) struggles and tantrums when I get her into the car seat but if she is left to do it herself, she gets in willingly. It takes a while but not much longer than me trying to fight her. She does get a bit grubby but that wouldn't be a problem if the car was cleaner!

[Leati]

Hmmm
I have three boys and one girl, they go through these stages. A couple of things I would suggest is trying to have some "fun" time with her. Find something that the two of you can do together(without ds 7 preferably) and for just a little while play, together. Whether its painting, the play ground, a tea party, dressing up, telling stories, or playing with her toys, it will be stress relieving for both of you to just have fun together.

The other suggestion is redirection. When you see that she is starting to get wound up try and redirect her attention to a new but fun activity. You can even have a special cupboard with "special" toys, such as puzzles, crayons, paint, blocks, etc.

[DiagonAllieBongo]

thanks leati. i am at home with her most of the time so we do get some nice time together. i will put some bits in a cupboard and try it
Channel, if i let her get in the car herself, she legs it over the seats and sits in the drivers seat, presses all the buttons and then runs around the car like a wild animal while i try and catch her