Anyone else have problems with their dd (end of primary age) I think there is something wrong with dd

[mosschops30]

I just seem to be banging my head off the wall, I dont know if this is just normal laziness or whether its something wrong with her (although god knows what it could be).

Yesterday I noticed after breakfast she had her polo shirt on back to front, no fair enough if it was a t-shirt but how can you get a shirt with buttons and a collar back to front and not notice. Then this morning I asked her not to flush the toilet so as not to wake ds, 30 seconds later she had been to the toilet and flushed it. Everything seems to take her ages, its takes her about 45 minutes just to get dressed in a morning.

I am so exhausted from naggging and shouting at her, I'm sick of listening to my own voice and sure she is too

Any advice gratefully receieved

[chipkid]

My ds is frustrtaingly slow. He is nearly 6. Also I don't think they really listen really listen half of the time which may explain why your dd flushed the chain-also it becomes an habitual thing and so she may just have done it as a matter of course.

I think children this age work on totally different timescales to the rest of us so what seems slow to us may not to them!

I am sure there is nothing wrong with your dd but |I understand your frustration. Not sure what to say to help as I am still trying to figure that out with ds!!!

[sandyballs]

How old is she? One of my DDs has always been like this and we've just discovered she's slightly deaf. I just thought it was selective hearing. Doesn't explain the shirt on wrong way round though. What do school say about her?

[mosschops30]

She has always been daydreamy at school apart from things she's interested in like history which she excels at.

I am thinking about removing tv/nintendo/tamagotchi from her, as that panorama programme identified lots of children like her who just do not communicate because thet are watching something or fiddling with something etc.

She is 11 now and due to start high school in spetember, I know that if she doesnt get it together she will have a miserbale time

[annoyingdevil]

Sounds like ADD. I am a sufferer myself and was exactly like that as a child (Still am to some extent!)

[chocolateteapot]

Have there ever been any other issues with her like with her motor skills for example ?

[mosschops30]

no, no other problems. Dont know much about ADD, she is never naughty or rude in class just a bit of a dreamer.

I have just had the school report and she got lower level 4 for maths and english and middle 4 for science. I think this means she will be in the middle bands in high school (they have 5 upper bands, two middle bands, then special needs) the cut off point for upper bands last year was middle 4 but the year before was lower 4 so I dont know.

We have just had a bit of a row about it, she ended up crying and I feel like a dragon trying to get her to work just that bit harder and not keep thinking she can dream her way through life (god I sound like my parents)

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Is the lower band really 'special needs'?

We used to have plenty of children with SN in top and middle bands...

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Sorry - not relevant really.

Has her performance taken a nosedive, or has she always been around the national average?

[mosschops30]

meandmyflyingmachine ...is that the national average then.

No they have 5 upper bands, 2 middle and then a special needs class at the bottom of the scale.

She hasnt taken a nosedive at all, in fact her teacher said she has improved greatly and that at Xmas he would have predicted only level 3 in maths so she has really pulled her socks up in that respect I suppose

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Five upper, two middle and one 'special needs'.

Seems like they need to work on their maths

[mosschops30]

hmm i know what you mean, but i assume its just a new way of doing the sets that we used to have 1-3 pretty average, 4-5 the naughty ones who couldnt care less and 6 was children with more special needs (like the boy who joined our year from borstal )

[meandmyflyingmachine]

I don't really like the SN tag. As I said, SN children can cover a pretty wide ability range...

[FillydoraTonks]

moss

In girls, dreaminess is a VERY common symptom of ADD. It is then ADD not ADHD (the H for hyperactive).

Has she always been like this? Is she more like it at different times of the day?

let me find an ADD checklist for you...

[mosschops30]

I know nothing about SN so cant comment, and dont want to start any arguments.

Thanks filly that would be good. She's pretty much like it all the time, although can apply herself very well to a book she is enjoying or anything to do with history, her historical knowledge is phenomenal

[FillydoraTonks]

heres a basic one

the key is that its across different situations, IIRC.

I am not saying there is anything "wrong" with her, (though actually I'd see ADD/ADHD as a difference rather than a disability), but that seems to be the most likely thing, so if you can rule that out, good.

[FillydoraTonks]

does she have really good concentration when she wants to?

that can be a key sign. ADDers often have really superb concentration SOMETIMES IYKWIM. If they are very into something, say.

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Sorry. Not arguing. Just musing.

I was frustratingly dreamy myself as a child. Well, now too TBH. And ds is now...

[mosschops30]

hmm filly thats quite scary, i ticked all but two
so where would I go from here then for a proper assessment

[mosschops30]

yes filly can concentrate very well when SHE wants to but otherwise its hit and miss.

Oh I know meandmy, I just meant for other poeple reading thread, didnt want to cause any trouble with the SN mums because I am totally ignorant about the subject and I know lots has changed since my day in school

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Well, that was me on the tick box.

I have an exceptionally good memory for some things BTW, and can study to the exclusion of all else before an exam. But the rest of the time - clueless really.

[FillydoraTonks]

yes agree, its a very general test, don't get worried if she scores highly

otoh girls with add would, I suspect, score highly.

Bear in mind that a VERY high % of girls with add ARE missed.

I actually don't know where to go next mossy, sorry. Ed psych assessment? School?

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Bit of a problem organising something through the school if she is changing schools TBH. If a new parent turned up with a checklist saying they suspected their child had ADD I suspect the SENCO might be a bit .

But probably worth making an appointment to have a chat with him/her about any specific concerns and then reviewing maybe half way through the year. Unless the school she is currently at have raised any concerns, in which case there will be ongoing consideration during transition.

Otherwise a private assessment.

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Or perhaps GP?

[Ellbell]

mosschops, she sounds a lot like my dd, although my dd is only 7 and I'm still hoping she'll grow out of it [head in sand emoticon]. I started a thread the other day, because a friend suggested she might have mild ADD and I was worried about it. There was some good advice on there from jura and LIZS. I'll see if I can find it for you. I think my dd would tick a lot of the boxes on Filly's list too. In fact, makes me feel quite , as I wonder if I've been getting on her case and pulling her up for things that she just can't help....

[FillydoraTonks]

I do think its worth pursuing

hopefully its just general dreamyness but-if its NOT, its the kind of thing that can, more than anything else, utterly sap her self confidence. It will result in lower grades than she is capable of etc etc and this may or may not matter to you-like i say, I see it as a difference, with pluses and minuses. BUT the confidence thing is awful to go through. People will tell her off constantly, esp at secondary, and she will be just UNABLE to organise herself to sort it out.

best of luck mossy x