12 month old biting/slapping/pinching

[nappyaddict]

basically how can i get him to stop and teach him that it is wrong?

have tried saying no in a firm voice and moving his hand away from my face but he then thinks it is a game and does it even more.

yesterday i put him in his cot for a minute and obviously he screamed the place down. my mum thinks this is too cruel cos he is only 12 months.

your thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated

[mummymagic]

Could you teach him an alternative? eg 'no biting' (sad, firm voice, move him away), 'kiss mummy instead' (happy, enthusiastic voice and bring him to you) then praise him loads when he does it. No hitting becomes stroke mummy/cat instead etc etc.

This works really well for our little one (14 month) and she doesn't really bites/hits/pinch (could be coincidence of course!). Her biting alterative is blowing raspberries - sounds very rude on the phone!!

[nappyaddict]

i might try that but i don't think he would understand and kiss me. any other ideas?

[fairbanksjunior]

mine 14mo also bites and slaps and hit (very hard) - i try to say firmly to stop but i get laughed at! don't know what else to do?

[DixiePixie]

I'm having the same problem with my 11mo. I think the trouble is that she is trying to be affectionate and isn't differentiating between biting and kissing! Lots of pinching too - I keep getting little bruises all over my arms. She's not getting it when I tell her "no" in a cross voice either... I'll give mummymagic's idea a go tomorrow.

[mummymagic]

Just noticed my post missed out the 'show him/her' part of the alternative. You have to model it so they get what you mean (so make a big show of kissing or blowing raspberries or stroking - I do think they find biting/kissing difficult to differentiate at first). Maybe pick something completely different as the alternative.

I also think the biting/hitting/undesirable behaviour has to get a boring, flat reaction, in contrast to the upbeat, enthusiastic 'yay, do THIS instead hurrah what fun' so they see that its not rewarding/fun to do it (and I think at this age, a big loud 'no!' is quite fun for them tbh!! This could be why they do it when you're tired/doing something else - they will want 'fun' mummy back and any reaction is better than none )

Hope it works for you. I am enjoying trying out all my techniques I use on naughty secondary aged children! Surprising how many principles are the same...

[nappyaddict]

ignored the hitting and then said do biiiiiiiig kisses instead and kissed him. but i think he thought i was giving him a big kiss for hitting cos he got really exited and started hitting loads more.

[mummymagic]

Hmm... I think you still need to acknowledge the hitting and take his hand away firmly and say 'no hitting' (and withdraw slightly) and then give an alternative. You migth need to wait a sec to let it sink in first and then do alternative. Then every time he hits do the same thing. All behaviour stuff takes time and consistency. I suspect you will need to repeat a few times!

Basically, when he hits, you are boring and sad face for a sec and 'no hitting'. But it is easy for him to redeem himself by not hitting and as soon as he isn't, you are happy. aLSO, he needs to kiss YOU not the other way round as its about his behaviour.

Personally, I would make the alternative something similar so stroking rather than hitting too... I think this especially works if they are trying to be affectionate but being a bit violent . If it is more of an anger thing, then you probably need a longer 'no hitting' and then you probably need to find an outlet for their anger (not sure, haven't worked that one out yet! maybe just praise when they are doing something else?).

[mummymagic]

Oops, just noticed I am offering contradictory advice, sorry. I think this is the point, I don't know your children! BUt def work out what you are trying to achieve and know what works with your child - might be rewards/punishments, might be firm voice, ,might be selective ignoring...

But I think all children like praise and 'happy, fun' mummies.

[bradpittismyboyfriend]

hi nappyaddict I really feel for you as we have just got over my lovely DS2 biting and nipping. You are absolutely right in treating this very seriously now as I didn't and we had a bit of a rollercoaster ride.

As a baby our DS was always nibbling our shoulders and we thought is was just a sign of affection and didn't do much about it. By the time he as 15 months he bit a child very hard and never looked back. He would bite any child at any point for no reason at all. As he is not rough but very calm and lovely for the most part it was extremely hard to deal with. I had my excellent health visitor around when he was 19 months old because I just needed a shoulder to cry on and some more advice. We tried everything.

The best thing I did based on her advice was to be consistently firm when he bit. A low NO, removing him from the child and giving the bitee lots of fuss. This combined with my staying away from playgroups for over 2 weeks seemed to do the trick. It stopped the behaviour becoming ingrained.

[bradpittismyboyfriend]

Just to add MUmmymagics advice about suggesting a kiss instead is a really good technique.

[shortshafe]

just wanted to add our experience, my dd is almost 12 months and started biting and hitting about 6 weeks ago - we started telling her no, firmly, and removing the attention - sadly, we got laughed at too! We progressed to telling her no, firmly, and putting her down onto the floor, facing away from us. We then rapidly distracted her with a toy or game (kissing, raspberries, tickles etc.) This seems to work, no hitting or biting now for about a fortnight (fingers crossed)
She does, however, love to 'bash' things - possible energy release??! We bought her some toys she can bash together - a hammer and peg set, some wooden blocks - and if she bashes something she shouldn't we are telling her 'be gentle' and showing her a gentle stroking motion. Think she's learning to differentiate (slowly - obviously) as she does a gentle stroke and a 'aaah' noise when she strokes the dog and our friends baby!!