Feeling guilt over DS1, aged 5.5

[Poshpaws]

I haven't used MN in a long while, but would really appreciate any advice.

DS1 has always been a high spirited boy. However, since starting YR1, he has been having difficulties controlling his behaviour. He is sent to other classes for inappropriate behaviour (silly noises, laughing, not listening to teacher), has missed playtime etc. We have been into discuss with teacher but not much has changed.

He is the same at home and at whatever activities he attends. I have taken him to a number of them and after a few weeks, the instructors have advised us to 'leave him until he is a bit older'. It would seem that he plays up in situations where he finds himself under pressure to perform/conform.

The rational part of me says they are right, maybe he is young for his age. His peers at school do similar activities and seem to cope very well. However, the not so rational part feels it is my fault,as I don't seem to have much time to spend one on one with him (have a 2 yr old Ds and 8 week old DS). As a result, he plays up to get attention, even if it is negative.

Does anyone have any ideas as to what DH and I can do to improve the situation? Or even confirm that this is normal 5/6 yr old behaviour?

Thanks

[singersgirl]

He does sound quite normal to me, really. If he is still only 5.5, he must be one of the youngest in his class, and perhaps the strain of being as good as he can be all day is too much for him.

I've got 2 August boys, and DS2 is in Y1 at the moment. He has been in trouble several times this year for not finishing work and for play that got aggressively out of hand (2 biting incidents from my boy who has never bitten before).

What strategies/sanctions does the teacher employ at school? Do you have any behaviour management 'systems' at home? I think it is probably a good idea to pull back from all out of school activities and just let him chill in his free time - have friends over, go the park, play in the garden etc.

The other thing, of course, which may be harder to manage, is to try to get some pleasant time by yourself with him - very hard with a little baby, I know. I used to put DS2 to bed earlier and have half an hour with DS1 reading and chatting when he was the same age. That was a time when I tried to be uncritical and undemanding so that he didn't have to 'perform' at all.

[misc]

Hi
I wouldn't worry too much , my friends ds is the same age and is showing very similar behaviour (he is an only child). They are not concerned at all and I don't think you should be. He is prob just a bit hyperactive, poss quite intelligent and getting bored easily, he sounds lovely and if its just a concern that he cannot concentrate for long then take heart my dh is 32 and still like this, but great fun!
Enjoy him and try not to worry

[Poshpaws]

Thanks very much for your replies. I must admit, I like the fact that he is full of life and very sociable and bright. Am just worried that he has/or will have problems conforming.

However, thinking about it, like yours misc, my DH is very similar and so was I when in school. So the boy has received double the dose in his genes .

Serioulsy, though, it is good to know that this is within the normal bounds of 5/6 year old behaviour, so I shall try not to worry unnecessarily.

[Poshpaws]

Just to add, singersgirl, in answer to your question, the teacher is having a hard time dealing with a number of boys in the class. We have discussed DS1 with her and her strategy is to send him (and others) to another class or remove play time . Neither one of these seems to work, however, as he likes going to other classes and claims he does not mind missing playtime

At home, we use sticker charts and sometimes removal of priviliges, such as cartoons, etc.

Must admit, I do not have much confidence in this particular teacher, but I do appreciate that DS1 can be hard work, so will do anything I can to support the school