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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

9 year old ds behaving oddly. Or maybe not......

24 replies

marymoocow · 14/05/2007 21:45

Hope someone can help me. Ds has always been a very quiet child both at home and when we are out. Never been a typical boy, not particularly boisterous etc. Of late though he has started to have rages and temper tantrums, and cries at the drop of a hat. He has also become very silly and loud, and not at all aware of his surroundings half the time. For example not looking where he is going or being aware that his siblings are nearby and knocking them over etc.. All which i believe are accidents.
Has he finally turned into a typical boy, or is something deeper bothering him which i can't get to.
Please tell me this is normal (although i hope not as i have another ds following up iyswim )

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MerryMarigold · 14/05/2007 21:49

Bumping as I only have an 18mo ds. Have heard that a book called Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph is good. May have some insights into your boy, goes through different development stages I think.

cherrycake · 14/05/2007 21:50

Could he be tired? There's a lot of pressure at most schools at the mo with all the SATS stuff going on. Could it be that? Maybe have a chat with his teacher , check there is nothing at school that is troubling him, work, friendships etc. They would prob keep an eye on him.
Good luck!
x

cherrycake · 14/05/2007 21:51

I read the Raising Boys book, it applied far more to my daughter than my son!
x

marymoocow · 14/05/2007 21:51

Thanks for the bump. Have got that book, but all it mentions, as far as i can remember is that they need to spend a lot of time with their father/male influence. Trouble is he does do this.
Might have to re-read it though. Heaven only knows what he'll be like when he reaches 13. He is very appologetic when he has calmed down.

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ChipButty · 14/05/2007 21:51

Has he had a recent growth spurt? Maybe he is slightly less body-aware because of this?

WideWebWitch · 14/05/2007 21:53

Attention? My ds, who is 9, sometimes says he's hurt himself when it really can't be that bad and it usually coincides with his little sister getting some attention and his wanting some.

luciemule · 14/05/2007 21:54

Could it be growing pains - the fact you said he's not aware of what's around him and bunmping into siblings etc. I had terrible growing pains when I was roughly 9/10 and I remember feeling very strange.
Early puberty etc could be making him feel strange and awkward? Perhaps I'm completely off the mark and it just might be tiredness and school stress.

marymoocow · 14/05/2007 21:54

am trying the tired thing atm. He was in bed by 6 tonight and did go to sleep (infact all 3 were in bed by then [boast]), and he hasn't been well last week, but this has been building up over the last few months. He's not doing any SATS, at least i don't think so. Also noticed his powers of concentration are getting worse, eg, listening in his swimming lessons, and putting any effort into them.

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rantinghousewife · 14/05/2007 21:55

If he is having a growth spurt then, yes, this would explain aggressive behaviour. Ds gets like this, every time he has a sudden growth spurt. Didn't put 2 and 2 together until a nurse friend of mine pointed it out. Something to do with sudden surges of testosterone.

marymoocow · 14/05/2007 21:58

he hasn't grown particularly for ages, so maybe that will be it. Hopefully i'll be able to post a thread on "are 3/4 length trousers fashionable for boys".
Think all of these reasons could be valid, he just seems to be so sometimes, and lacking in enthusiasm/ confidence. I do try to boost it as best as i can, but it can be difficult when he is in a silly mood.

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rantinghousewife · 14/05/2007 22:00

Meant to say, it is normal. You just have to find ways to deal with it. Ds (now 13)gets really terrible rages just before he grows, I just, calmly tell him, he's being unreasonable and to go somewhere to have a think about it. He stomps off and reappears about an hour later, with apologies. You can bet within 2 days, he'll have shot up an half inch or so.

Londonmamma · 14/05/2007 22:02

I've heard that nine is the age when children start to realise they're 'on their own' i.e. mum and dad can't sort everything out and make everything better. They can feel more insecure and questioning. They become more aware of death and can start getting scared at night like when they were younger. This can explain the increased crying you're seeing. I certainly noticed it when my older son hit nine
then he grew out of it. Am now waiting for the storms of puberty!!

rantinghousewife · 14/05/2007 22:02

I'd reckon growth spurt, particularly if he seems unco-ordinated at the same time.

rantinghousewife · 14/05/2007 22:04

Ahh londonmama, more of the same, with monosyllabic grunts thrown in for good measure, I'm afraid

marymoocow · 14/05/2007 22:04

hope so. I suppose its all come as a bit of a shock as he never went through the so called "terrible two's". Maybe he has been saving it all up for now. Have told him to find somewhere that he can sit calmly in when he feels like this, but at the moment it is catching us all unawares. Think he really shocked his sister tonight.

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marymoocow · 14/05/2007 22:05

He has always been a worrier. He even jokes himself now that he is going to work in health and safety when he is older. Now is brother on the other hand....

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kamikayzed · 14/05/2007 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rantinghousewife · 14/05/2007 22:07

Yes, you have my sympathies, I felt the same. It's just that now practice has made me deal with it better and so it seems less of an ordeal. And as they get older, we seem to get bigger gaps between the growth spurts. I certainly remember age 9 as being quite a trying time, it does pass, honest.

marymoocow · 14/05/2007 22:11

Thanks for all your support. Glad to know that nothing serious is wrong (not that i really thought there would be), but it is good to know that others have/are/will be coping with it.
Will no doubt be posting about it all again in 5 years time, trying to remember what you all said.

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rantinghousewife · 14/05/2007 22:17

Fwiw, marymoocow, my ds is a smashing lad most of the time, (can't call him little, he overtook me sometime ago, 5ft9 and size 10 feet and all). You'll find a way that suits you and him, good luck.

marymoocow · 14/05/2007 22:20

thanks rantinghousewife (i'm sure you're not by the way

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rantinghousewife · 14/05/2007 22:22

My ds would sooo disagree with you, on that one

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marymoocow · 14/05/2007 22:32

lol

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Skribble · 14/05/2007 22:40

My DS 10yrs started with the rages about 3 years ago and we are past that now. He seems to bater off everything as he walks and will dash off to do something with no sense of direction bang into the door and turn and ask what was I to do. Drives me mad, I am often telling him stop, think, plan!

He is big and lanky and flops and lops about. Oh and he gets very emotional too, especially if he feels treated unjustly. I think it is pretty normal for growing boys, they all seem to go through a clumsy stage and are very aware of what they think is fair and just.

I would perhaps consult doctor if I thought his balance was off or any thing like that.

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