almost 5 yo ranting and raving every bedtime - can't bear it anymore

[jeangenie]

that's it really. DD1 has never gone to bed easily, we've always had trouble putting her down as a baby and it continues to this day. I think in her almost 5 years with us we've probably had less than 10, probably fewer than 5 in fact, evenings where she has just gone to bed happily and slept.
I can hear her now, in her bedroom, ranting and raving, screaming so much she has made her throat sore, and reciting "I am stupid, nobody loves me" in between times, presumably because she knows that it upsets us to hear her say that, as we have devoted much attention to telling her that of course she is not stupid and that of course we do love her.
This is so wearing. By the time she has quietened down at night DH and I are so emotionally knackered it's ridiculous
DD2 on the other hand goes to bed like a dream and always has done...
anyone else got one of these? anyone want a swap?
(btw we have tried sticker charts, we always have stories and wind down time, she has a lamp on in her room as she says she can't sleep in the dark, we allow story tapes at weekends - if we allow them during week she is up until all hours as she sometimes manages to stay awake till the end and then rants when it is over so it just prolongs the agony. Our current strategy is that she can have a fruit bar in her school lunchbox next day if she goes to bed without a fuss, but tonights little episode shows me that novelty has worn off too)

[tombley]

I do sympathise - my dd tries every trick in the book not to be left alone awake in her bed every night. She is scared of the dark, thirsty, not tired, bored etc. I just keep sending her back to bed and ignoring most of the shouting. This is not helped by the fact that she stays with my mum every Friday night and she lays on the bed with her until she falls asleep.

[jeangenie]

how old is yours tombley? I assumed DD would have grown out of it by now. No-one else I know has one of these (until DD2 came along I was convinced I'd made soem horrendous mistake)...
does yours scream and cry?
wish I could just ignore it, of course I am alwasy on tenterhooks as she is so loud she soemtimes wakes DD2...
AAAARRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGhhhhhhhhhhh.
It would drive you to wine!

[tombley]

She is 5.5. She doesn't scream but sometimes does cry. It has got a bit better since she went to full time school because she is more tired and gives up the protest quicker.
DS 2.2 says goodnight turns over and goes to sleep.
???

[Josie3]

Forgive me if this seems rude or impertinant - I really am just trying to help - but could she be permanently overtired? what is her bed time? Is it worth bringing it forward?

[jeangenie]

thanks Josie - not rude at all. We go upstairs at 7 (6.30 if having a bath), by the time pjs are on, teeth brushed etc etc it's normally 7.30, DD2 goes down then (like tombley's, says goodnight, turns over and goes to sleep) we read DD1 two stories and are ready to get out of her room by about 7.45/7.50. Then the fun begins...

is that late???

[JodieG1]

My ds1 is 3.6 and goes ot bed between 6 and 7pm as he gets very grumpy and overtired otherwise. He gets up between 5 and 7am, it's gradually getting later, 6.30 today but that doesn't change when he goes to bed later. I decided to keep his bedtimes at that time as when he goes to sleep later he is tired the whole next day. Dd is 5 and goes to bed about 7pm, that's in bed and story read by then. She gets woken by ds1 in the mornings but does sleep in later when he doesn't disturb her. Sometimes she gets up asking for things but mostly she goes to sleep just fine.

[bootsmonkey]

God it is hard isn't it. My DD is nearly five and is pretty good at going to sleep now, but we did have a terrible time up until she was 4. I used to go in everytime she shouted, pander to her every request, and in the end it just ended up perpetuating the misery. I started replying to everything with a monotone 'good night it is bed time' whilst backing out the door and in time it worked. We were lucky in that she never got out of bed, so we never had escape scenarios. I also always expected her to be in a prone position, ready for sleep when I left, but now tell her it is ok to talk through the day to her toys or sing or whatever, but she has to be in bed and quiet. The 'I'm stupid and nobody loves me' is a control thing as she knows it gets a reaction from you. Ignore if possible, don't give any feedback to it. My DD has a few topics she knows rings my bell and pulls them out when she wants a reaction.

My DD is usually in bed with lights out by 7.15/7.30, so I don't think you are excessively late. Some kids don't seem to need much sleep. Perhaps she can have some quiet time in her room and you go back up for lights out at 8.00?? Perhaps she dosn't want to go to bed at the same time as her little brother?? I hope you find what works for you as evenings are precious IME!!

[JodieG1]

I do think that even half an hour can make quite a difference at this age, I certainly notice this with mine.