Help!!! Don't want to lose my friend over this!!!

[Flowertots]

Hi everyone, hope someone can help!!!

My friend has 2 children, one the same age as mine (only a few months younger) and one 4 years older.

The youngest child (barely 2 yrs old) swears and throws insults, she also attempted to punch my daughter, not a childish slap, an actual PUNCH. The older child makes racist comments has behaviour problems and steals from school.

I don't want my child associating with my friend's because I think she's at too an impressionable age. I certainly don't want her thinking it's ok to say F off to people or to threaten to kick a football at mummy. I know she will have to mix with children of all sorts when she starts school but think she's a bit young to be around that kind of thing now. Am I being a snob? What should I do, I don't want this to ruin my friendship.

[SugaryBits]

Can you arrange to meet your friend for dinner/drinks in the evening, just say you would like to have some time out to catch up without the kids around.

[foxybrown]

TBH I'd feel exactly the same as you - I hate LOs being exposed to vile behaviour so young - am reluctant to let them out of their bubble for school, but I suppose I have to. Where do you think your friends children get it from?

Can you socialise with your friend in the evening? Try to keep her as 'grown-up' company?

What's her reaction to her childrens behaviour?

[ThatBeetroot]

Flowertots - are you sure you want to be associating with someone like this? If the child is swearing and racists surely the mother is pretty similar??

[Flowertots]

Unfortunately, she thinks all children steal and the swearing comes from HER

Have told her she needs to stop but she thinks I'm getting on my high horse. Now her 2 yr old is swearing at her she thinks it's funny.

Have tried meeting her by herself but it's becoming a bit obvious because she always suggests coming over with her kids-only so many excuses I can come up with.

At the nursery my dd goes to, the children are very well behaved and lovely to be around.

Any suggestions as to what to do?

[Flowertots]

Beetroot, the racist comments come from anyone but the mum-kids have got that some somewhere else, other members of the family perhaps but definately NOT from my friend.

She's a really lovely person, just that her kids are out of control

[ThatBeetroot]

That surprises me tbh - but I certainly would not let my kids hang around people who are racist and foul mouthed at such a tender age. AND I would pick the kids up on it too.

[Flowertots]

suggestions as to what to do? Just ditch her?

[ThatBeetroot]

others have suggested that youdon't see hr with kids around.

You could explain but that might be difficult

[foxybrown]

Perhaps if they come to yours you have to be the one to stop it. Something like 'we don't say THAT in this house' directly to the children. I know its not good to reprimand other peoples children in front of the parent, but it is for the sake of your children.

And you'll have to say something to your friend. If she's offended, well I'm afraid she's not been worried about offending you, has she?

Be tactful, tell her you don't want your children speaking like that and would she mind awfully ...

[hebetalbot]

To be honest I would have to pick the kids up on using foul language and racist comments if your friend is not willing to do it herself. She may well be very nice but she is just condoning this behaviour. If it was me I would steer well clear.

[helenhismadwife]

I would say something to her, along the lines of 'I dont like saying this as I value your friendship but I really dont want my dc to hear language like that so I would rather see you on your own at the moment' (or keep your foul mouthed brats away from my dc ) if she is a friend she will accept your views, if not and you dont see her and the friendship dies you will at least know that you have tried to find a solution