behaviour so bad - what can we do with 6yr old DD?

[amess]

can't reason with her when she gets into one of her states. She just completely takes over it takes the two of us to try and get her to behave. We have tried, giving her attention, not giving her attention, reward charts, promises and eventually taking things away only to be returned if she improves. She becomes so horrible. We have tried and tried and I am at my wits end as I just see her growing up into an out of control teenager. Anyone out there with any useful experiences?

[BrownSuga]

We had similar prob's with DH's DD, from 5-7yo.

We got tough and just kept at it. Anytime there were tantrums and tears, we repeated, "that kind of behaviour does not work in this house and does not get what you want". Then left her to calm down or not without going on and on at her. If she was cheeky she immediately was pulled up about it and told to leave the room or apologise. She was severely deprived of everything, no desserts, no treats, no going out anywhere, no magazines, no going to grandparents etc....

We were despairing as it didn't seem to be working after 18mths, then it all just clicked. Can't explain it, but the last month she's acted like a normal person. Maybe we just wore her down and she finally realised she couldn't get away with the behaviour anymore, or maybe it's the calm before the storm

[amess]

18 months! But there is hope then? Thanks brownsuga.

We are tough but it's hard and gets me so upset as she just does not see reason. There seems to be nothing except eventually her screaming at us saying she hates us. I so feel like screaming back but I manage to resist and just say how much I love her but hate the bad behaviour. It just feels like hell.

[BrownSuga]

Yes there is hope, I was despairing as in my case it's a SD, so had to step back from the situation occasionally.

Her DF yelled at her once to get out of the house when we'd just walked in the door from a vacation and she was extremely rude to her DGP. I think it shocked her as normally he would try to reason with her. Her DM has arguments with her, which I advise against, and which we have never done. We will say, this is what is going to happen, and that is the end of it.

Ironically whenever we took her out for a treat or do to something special, she always played up worse!

It does feel like nothing will change for awhile, but keep persevering.