Is he just letting off steam or does he need counselling?

[outofmydepth]

Changed my name for this but I'm not a troll - promise.
DS1 is 10 and had always been a sensitive soul and what his teachers so often describe to me 'a worrier'.
3 years ago I split from his violent (towards me) dad and now live with a DP. DS1 has lately had some real issues with his temper lashing out at his sister physically and coming out with some pretty vile stuff verbally towards the rest of the family.
I have tried not losing my temper back and sitting down to talk with him. He keeps repeating that he is scared that he is becoming like his dad (who he has a good relationship with} and that he doesn't know why he gets so angry.
I have said to my DP perhaps he needs counselling as he used to shut out the domestic violence where as his DD used to try and fight her dad off. DP just thinks its a normal childhood progression into teen years.
Sorry this is long I'm just scared of making the wrong choices for him and messing up his future.

[outofmydepth]

anyone?

[Iklboo]

Sorry - I can't offer any experience - just to let you know someone's out here. Have any of his teachers said anything?
Are there any after school clubs he could channel his anger (karate, judo, cubs etc).
He sounds like a very mixed up little boy who knows what he's doing isn't nice.

[PrettyCandles]

I can't answer your question, but it seemsto me that what he needs is to learn how to manage his anger. Have you read any boojs by Faber and Mazlish? They giver very good suggestions how to communicate with children and how to help chilrdren communicate. How ToTalk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will; Talk is one.

[PrettyCandles]

He may trully not know how else to express nhis anger (which your dp may well be right about it being normal progression to teenagerhood) as his main influence, the only way he's seen anger xpressed, would have been your ex.

[outofmydepth]

Thanks for the replies. I had thought about reading up on it but wasn't sure what books to go for so I will give those a go PrettyCandles - thanks.
Iklboo funnily enough his teacher mentioned for the first time ever (normally spotless open evenings) that he has been pushing and arguing with boys that he has disagreements with just over the last few weeks.

[pccformerlyprincesscc]

10 is a pretty rubbish age, there seems to be a lot going on in their little heads. Is he year 5 or 6? Either way, his behaviour may have something to do with the fact that before long, he will be the smallest again, at a secondary school. They seem to really change from year 5 when they are still young kids to year 6 when they really start looking and acting grown up. Personally, I wouldn't take the problem to anyone just yet. Why don't you have a quiet word with teacher, to see if she has noticed any change or if, indeed, he is having problems at school. It may be something really simple yet. Try not to worry too much.

[rantinghousewife]

It is worth knowing aswell, that boys can get esp. aggressive just before they have a growth spurt. This has happened to my ds, who's 13 and I didn't realise until a friend of mine who is a nurse told me about this. Apparently it's quite common. I can see why you ds is worried, given the terrible time you've had in the past but, I would take it as a positive that he's aware that it's not a good thing to be so aggressive. I'd probably have a chat with someone (perhaps parentline) and see if there's any techniques he could use to help him manage it. For my part, when my ds gets a bit narky I ask him (calmly) to go to his room and have a little think about how unreasonable he's being. He duly does this and it seems to do the trick. I try generally not to respond to him, other than that, while he's still in a temper.