School Behaviour policy - any opinions/ advice much appreciated

[oliandjoesmum]

Sorry to be posting again with more questions, since I took the step to post initially I haven't stopped! I just need to ask opinions on school's behaviour policy. I am totally open to people saying it is reasonable, and I have to accept discipline for him, but just want to ask. I have posted on Education boards also. 2 big incidents (amongst many many minor ones) I need advice on:

1. DS teacher decided one day to divide the class in to 'naughty' and 'good' children, The idea was that the 'goods' could see how not to behave, and the 'naughties' could get some tips. Guess which group DS was in . Is this helpful/ normal? She is very reluctant for any of the less able children to be made to feel that others are cleverer than them, so why does the behavioural thing get treated differently? The kids who can hardly read don't get told 'come over here and look at Joseph (DS1, age 6) reading a Year 5 book, isn't he clever compared to you!!
   
   
2. I have posted previously about DS kicking a playtime assistant. I KNOW (and he now knows) it was very wrong, but was triggered by a scenario that I had told the school in his IEP/ School Action would be problematic for him. Anyway.... he tells me yesterday that he 'picked Henry' for his special staying in friend today. Hey???? I then glean that since the kicking incident (2 weeks ago) he has not been allowed out for a single playtime, and has to choose a friend to stay in with him. I knew absolutely NOTHING about this. Do you think I should know? Is it a helpful/ fair length of punishment? What about the 'picked' child, don't think I would be wildly happy if I was there parent! He has been trying so hard to be good, and I have noticed marked improvements, but he doesn't seem to be rewarded in any way for these efforts.
   
   I feel like I am going mad, and it is just me sat there fighting his corner against the world. His words to me ' they are trying to kill me at school'.

[zippitippitoes]

my immediate reaction is

are you joking?

so I would make an appointment to see the head and the class teacher to find out what is ahppening and take it from there

[gigglinggoblin]

1. i think this is horrible.
   
   
2. i would not be happy that i had not been informed of the situation, but my ds has apergers and they do this with him ocasionally and it works well. i think the picked child probably feels quite special (at least i have never known of any complaints or kids being made to stay in against their will). however i would want to know how long they intend to carry on doing this, i would not accept this as a long term solution.

[singingmum]

Think seperating good and bad is wrong and unfair.
As for keeping child in they should have

1. Informed you that they were taking this action and
   2)Given a length of time that you both felt was fair (say 2 days not 2 weeks)
   This just seems meant to make their life easier not help your child.
   Not speaking from experience as I HE but this seems wrong

[oliandjoesmum]

No, not joking, and yes am in UK (someone on education board asked this question).

I suspect my son may be on the autistic spectrum, so maybe the keeping in is more helpful than I thought initially. I think it was just the shock of not knowing that rally got to me, I just burst in to tears at the thought of my precious little person being deprived of this outside time. I'm sure the school now just see him as a little thug, but I get to see how great he can be if given the support he needs. I assumed because of School action/ IEP/ CAMHS being involved etc that they may discuss stuff like this with me. He was so happy to have someone on his side, I don't know why it took him so long to tell me, he must be so ashamed.

God, maybe this is just schools, and I have totally unrealistic expectations.

[otherwisebecks]

i dont agree with either of these it is totally unfair for all the children to divide them like this. my ds1 has ds and if he misbehaves at playtime they make him sit in for 5mins. if he does it again then he misses 1 playtime. 2 weeks is totally inappropriate this is a valuable learning time and also all kids need to run around and let of steam during the day. i would speak to the school and find out why you haven't been informed as i think they should have informed you.

[frenchleave]

I agree with the others - separating good from naughty is outrageous. I think it has been proved that labelling children as anything is BAD.

I would also be upset at my child missing out on playtime for so long. Not getting any fresh air or time to run off energy can't be a good thing for a little boy.

[frances5]

I think that is absolutely horrific. Labelling a child as bad makes them feel there is nothing they can do about it.

Every child has their good and bad points. I am sceptical that the labels of "good" and "bad" apply to children. Prehaps some children have a better understanding of the required behaviour. There are better ways of helping children understand what is expected of them.

If I was you I would change your child's school. The teacher sounds truely and utter vile. Prehaps he/she should pick a career that has nothing to do with children.

[SofiaAmes]

If it were my child I would have him out of that school today! How absolutely inhumane. Sounds like an orphange in Romania.
I feel so awful for your poor poor son.

I would be writing lots of nasty letters and as they say here in the usa...."lawyering up" to force the abuse to stop and to get the appropriate schooling for your son.

[oliandjoesmum]

Thanks for all your replies, it gives me the strength to carry on fighting his corner when I know I'm not just some deranged over-protective mother. I will admit to being a little bit overboard about him (I had v bad PND when he was born and have been pretty intense about him since I recovered), but in the end the school are wrong. It is a lovely school BTW, just think they aren't geared up for dealing with non-average children, and he has unfortunately come up against a pretty rubbish teacher. His reception teacher was great.
Thanks again.

[mumeeee]

This is wrong. It is unfair and huminulating to the children.

[dustystar]

I spoke to me Mum about this as she is an experienced SENCo and she hwas horrified that the teacher would do this.

I hope you get it sorted out.