I think my 2.5 year old is out of control!!!!!!!!!!!

[staceym11]

Right dd is 2 and a half and has always been a lovely little girl, played well, done as she was asked (after a fashion), and was generally a lovely child!! But recently we have the mother of all tantrums about things that would normally be ok.......

for instance baths, i can't physically hold her in the bath anymore because of the kicking and screaming, the minute shes out she is fine! i dont get it!!

and eating dinner, she used to eat anything put in front of her, now she'll eat breakfast and lunch fine but when it comes to dinner we have huge tantrums and im lucky if she eats 3 mouthfuls!!!

bedtime is fine, she goes to bed and stays in bed, but i cant stand the tantrums in the day anymore, sometimes i feel like i could strangle her!!!

iv taken up smoking again to try and calm myself in these situations, which im really with myself about, but cant seem to help now! I've cried myself to sleep 3 nights in a row, i jsut can't cope with her behaviour anymore!!!

people keep telling me it must be because i give in to her, which i don't, thats what makes it so hard coz these tantrums can last for 45minutes, although shes being ignored the whole time!!!

help!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mustrunmore]

Ds1 is now 3.5, and I can so clearly remember him in that phase. He still has tantrums, but not so epic now, and is still a rubbish eater. I'm sure it'll pass with your dd; you just have to hold out till it does, and try not to aggravate it/her. She's eating 2 good meals out of 3 ,and goes to bed fine, so I'd see that as a success if I were you. does it help to have friends round to play/go to playfroups? Sometimes that can distract the tantrums, and it all helps to tire her out... and give you someone to natter with, which puts it in better perspective.

[staceym11]

yeah it helps ifpeople are around but we'r in a new area so its hard for me, and iv got a 5month old ds so its all gotta be timed around him (which i think is part of the problem!!) i just cant seem to like her at the moment which makes me feel bad!

oh and with PND thrown into the mix im a wreck!

[mustrunmore]

The baby prob has alot to do with it. I know my pg had alot to do with ds1's behaviour, eg I couldnt carry him when he was exhausted, and I got a bit lapse on the discipline because I just couldnt deal with the hassle, so he got away with a bit more.
#With us, ds2 has to fit round ds1, rather than the other way round. Eg (and I know I'll getcriticised for this) he's only ever had his naps in the buggy, not the cot, as we're often out withds1. I couldnt see the point in confusing him by cot for odd times and buggy for others.
Where are you? Are you going to any palygruops etc?

[staceym11]

i go to a young mums group on a monday, but other than that we dont get out too much as the only playgroup i know i felt soooo awkward at so won't go back!

thing is with ds he has feeding problems so i have to time her around his feeds, and he wont sleep if we'r out so that can cause problems with going out! feel like tearing my hair out!

[milkymill]

Hi stacey, i haven't got much in the way of practical advice i'm afraid. I can sympathise though as i have 2yr old dd and 7mth old ds, and we recently moved to a new area too! All that upheaval can take it's toll on a toddler! You must try to get out of the house as much as you possibly can. I know it seems like hard work, but everything feels better with some fresh air and space. Even if it's just nippping to the park. Ignore other people's reactions. They are not important. You're doing your very best and this phase will pass. {{hugs}}

[sunnysideup]

stacey, you're coping fantastically with a difficult situation; your dd doubtless is showing some sibling jealousy in her behaviour, but ALL two and three year olds have tantrums, siblings or no siblings!

With the baths; don't fight the battle. She needs a wash, not a bath so cut baths right down to once a week for a while...do you get in with her? That might help..or tell her it's your bath and she is not allowed in as it has special mummy bubbles in but it is a phase, it will pass, so don't invest too much energy into it!

My ds was exactly the same at this age with eating; two year olds generally seem to drop the amount they're eating; I guess because the rate they grow at in the first year is never so much again; they need a bit less. I found ds was exactly as you say, he would eat a good breakfast OR a good lunch or dinner, never both. What I did was give him a cooked main meal at lunch time, then it didn't matter how much he ate at dinner....and also, I think tiredness has something to do with it, they just get more tired by dinner time as they're so active at 2.

I hope the PND improves, are you getting treatment or help with it?

Also don't forget that this isn't forever, hopefully your ds' feeding issues will improve once he's weaned and you can get out a bit more. In the meantime just do what you need to get through the day! Best of luck. x

[frangosa]

My DD, 2 yrs 5 months, is driving me mad. Screaming all day long. At a playgroup this morning I had to take her out of the room 3 times and eventually take her home. I can see everyone has had enough of her and they'd rather I kept her at home. I'm more worried that I am going to beat the living day lights out of her because it is getting to that stage. Arrival of DS 5 months ago of course hasn't helped. There is nothing I can do with her. Nothing works.

[Rantum]

Staceym11, I don't even have a young baby and my ds (2.3) seems to have recently transformed into a fractious, constantly attention-seeking brat. I love him (of course) but it doesn't seem to make any difference how much attention I give him, it is never enough. He strops, throws things, cries, tantrums. I finally bought Christopher Green's Toddler Taming which does have some tips for dealing with this stage (and makes me feel better about my parenting because he is very good at reassuring parents that this type of behaviour is "horribly normal") I would thoroughly recommend it...

[sunnysideup]

Frangosa sorry that you've had such a bad day. I would agree with getting 'Toddler Taming' it is a brilliant book, and makes you realise how EVERYONE has these days, and helps you take things just a little less to heart. Two year olds can be utterly, utterly maddening.....

[MagicGenie]

Stacey, my DS is 2.2 and really starting to 'assert himself'

I always find these changes/developments in behaviour difficult to adjust to (plus he's been ill for a while, so he's not himself anyway) but I try and take a deep breath and listen between the lines of what he's saying... it really works.

Normally, he's being stroppy cos he can't make himself understood or he just wants to do things how he'd planned them in his own little head.

Compromising/giving what he's asking for - within reason - is usually all it takes. He's much better when he feels he's had input into deciding things rather than me doing it all the time (I'm not talking big things here, obviously!)

I agree; ditch the bath for now. Or try a shower.

I started /link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=293272&stamp=070317191937\this thread} recently about tea times and got some really good advice. I've started swapping lunch and tea; and as she's eating two good meals a day, don't worry too much.

I think it sounds like you're doing a great job!

[MagicGenie]

Ooops - sorry - try this

[staceym11]

frangosa, sounds like your in the same shoes as me!! well shes watching the night garden on cbeebies atm, i think its a load of tosh but shes sitting quietly so i wont complain!

do feel like throtteling her some days tho which isnt good!