Help - I need guidance with how to do the period talk!!

[Itsthawooluff]

Title says it all really . My Mum adopted the ostrich approach of ignoring it all until school had dealt with it at 13, then sidling up and saying "So you know all about it now, do you - Good" before scarpering quickly. Didn't fill me with confidence exactly, rather a huge feeling of embarassment about the whole topic.
I want to have a slightly more "you can ask me anything" type conversation - but don't know where to start. I'm tempted to start with a few books, Babette Cole etc etc, but didn't want to dump the books, say "Oh good, you've read the books, so now you know all about it" and run - the educated ostrich approach.
DD1 is rising 9, which I appreciate is a bit young, but apparently some girls do start as young as that, and I wanted it all to be very old hat by the time she actually needs the info.

[Blandmum]

I'm a biology teacher, so I'm an old hand at this

You have to be very matter of fact about it.

Have 'props'; show them what a tampon/pad looks like.

Let them take the lead, they will ask for more info, as and when they want/need it. Don't tell them too much, if they are not ready for it.

Be honest, be self deprecating. let them know that you are always available to given them more info when they need it

You'll be fine

[Lmccrean]

I started at age 9, and the only thing I remember was books my mum bought, wrapped up and told me it was a special gift. Was an envelope inside with wee notelets so I could write down my questions if I felt too embarrassed to ask her diirectly. I dont ever remember asking any tho...I dont think it was ostrich approach (at least not for her benefit)-I was painfully shy then, and that made the issue slightly more comfortable.

[Blandmum]

That is a superb idea!

[Itsthawooluff]

Thanks - knew I could depend on MN.
MB - what age do they do the talk in schools then?

[Blandmum]

I don't know when they do it in primary.

We cover sex ed in Biology in year 7

I think dd will get 'the talk' next year in year 6, but we have already covered most of it at home.

[themoon66]

I thought DD knew all about it at age nine because she came home from school bragging that I couldn't tell her anything she didn't know.

School must have forgotten bits though as she was VERY upset and hysterical when it slipped out in conversation a year later that, not only is the blood not blue like on the adverts, but that 'this period thing' happens every month, not just once in your life around age 12

[Lmccrean]

I remember we had it in P6 and they had a red square biscuit tin in the teachers toilet with pads in it, so we didnt need to bring anything out of class with us when we needed to change

[megandsoph]

Age 9 isn't too young at all. I started aged 11. I remember my parents, when I was around seven discussing sex and periods with myself and my brother which carried on until I left home (minus period talk). By age 10 I couldn't wait to get my period as my mother said it's the first sign of becoming a woman, which in turn made me feel all grown up and ment I could wear a little bit of make up.

Only thing is I can't remember how the discussion first started

[Blandmum]

When I was a kid I thought that you only bled for 1 day. I couldn't figure out why people nedded so many sts

[Itsthawooluff]

1 day - if only!!

[frogs]

I don't think 9 is particularly young - I'm perfectly happy to talk to 7yo ds about periods, and dd1 knew at that age as well.

It helps if you feed them the information in chunks rather than doing the full-on, sit-down, "Darling, there's something I need to tell you..." routine, which is inherently cringeworthy. Having the conversation while you're doing something manual also helps, eg. driving, or digging the garden, baking or ironing. Somehow it makes it less self-conscious for both of you if you have something distract you.

I'd also put money on her having heard at least something about it from playground gossip, so the sooner you get in there with sensible accurate information the better. Being completely unembarassable is crucial: you want to be sure they will come and ask you when they hear or see stuff they don't understand, and they won't do that if they think you're uncomfortable talking about it.

Dd1 is mystified and slightly freaked out by the fact that there are girls in her class who can't bring themselves to say the word 'period', and tbh I'm pretty shocked that there are mothers out there who'd let their daughters get into that state. It's just a bunch of bodily functions, in the end -- can't see a reason for being anything other than totally matter-of-fact about it.

[Blandmum]

LOL me too! I've always been an 8 day gal. And since I had ds I bleed for 4 days , have 2-3 days bleed free and then start up agaian for a week!

I'm 44 , roll on the menopause!

[themoon66]

MB, I get that few days on, stop a bit, few more days. The nurse at the surgery told me it's a sign of fibroids. But if you have no pain and it doesn't bother you, then its okay.

[KTeePee]

I need to have this conversation with my dd too but have been waiting for the right moment... I like your idea Frogs of talking about it while doing something else - one of the reasons I have been putting it off is finding a big chunk of time with her on her own - your idea is much better. I have got some books too for her (but also for me to remind me of the science bits!) but I am not looking forward to the possibility of having to go on and talk about S-E-X! She is still my baby and I can't believe she is already at the age where periods can start

[CarGirl]

mental note must check out what dd1 (just 10) has understood from school and hope she's a late developer like me.........

[RosaLuxembourg]

My four year old asked me very loudly in a public loo recently. Mummy are doing a wee, a poo or the red stuff?
Seriously though, how do you all manage to keep periods a secret until your children are 9 or 10? Mine seem to believe it is their absolute right to accompany me to the loo and cross question me about everything I am doing - leading to the same four year old sitting on the loo a few months ago and announcing ' when I am 16 I will sit on the loo like this and a baby will come out of my vagina! I think not, dear!

[KTeePee]

Well I had a little talk with dd yesterday while we were both tidying her bedroom. Just covered the basics of periods for now - I think she was familiar witht he word but a bit grossed out at what actually happens. She didn't want to ask me anything - a bit embarrassed I think - so I will give her a book to read as well soon.

[Anna8888]

My stepsons (9 and 11) know all about sex, reproduction, periods etc and we talk about those things perfectly openly at home so I think my daughter (2.4) will just learn about them in due course. I'm not sure why all those things are still so often taboo.

[thirtysomething]

sorry to gatecrash...but have been wondering when I should tell my nearly 9-year old DS? He's been distinctly uncurious about the birds and the bees - since periods obviously won't be an issue for him should I just wait until he gets the talk from school? My Mum copped out of telling me completely by waiting until we'd done it at school, and like everyone else on here I'd like to be pro-active! I just foresee looks of horror followed by endless sniggering!

[Itsthawooluff]

In my case,as well as my own sense of embarassment - see OP and cue Philip Larkin quote - it's not helped by Dh who has a pretty Old Testament viewpoint re the whole mularkey. Don't know why because his mum and sister will discuss sex, periods, the menopause etc with anyone within about 5 mins of meeting them. Perhaps DH's approach is a backlash .

So anyway, will get myself some books first, and then find a suitable opportunity.

Thanks

[sunnysideup]

my 4 yr old ds knows about periods and about the basics of reproduction....I think just talk about it from now on, in a really open way.

Maybe as your dd is nearly 9 you could mention needing to get some pads or tampax one day? Or talk about feeling this way or that way just before you get your period? And just be really open and honest if she has any questions.

I too take my hat off to anyone who manages NOT to talk about this stuff, haven't been to the loo on my own since ds was born basically, so he sees me using pads and I tell him basically what they are.

So I wouldn't have a 'formal' talk with her actually, just talk about it as it affects you, and take it from there.

[CarGirl]

Had our chat yesterday - we were are a long carjourney together and I just asked her what had they taught her at school about puberty and stuff. Fished for what she did know from school and friends and then ruled out any misconceptions (there were are few) she didn't seem at all embarrassed she is quite happy to chat away to a captive audience about anything I guess.......

[ScottishThistle]

The younger the child is the easier it is, my 3yo Charge knows all about periods simply through accompanying me to the toilet.

I'd just bring it up very casually one day, "Oh my tummy hurts today because I've got my period...Have they taught you anything about periods at school yet?" type of thing.

[RosaLuxembourg]

Sounds good CG. Amazing what misconceptions they can leave the school talk with actually. Friend's DD came to tea a couple of years ago and told us she had had their talk. But they never told us anything about boy's periods, she said. I explained that boys don't have periods and she insisted that they must do. Otherwise what happens to all the seeds that don't get used up?