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Behaviour/development

is my 22 month old a bully or is it a phase

13 replies

jaynel · 06/03/2007 09:04

Hi my ds is 22 months and is a very loving boy sometimes. he does gives kisses and cuddles but he has turned nasty, he hits and pinches and now punches. and he pulls hair. he does it to strange adults at toddler group too. He doesnt do it to children except his dss but he has just turned devisish. he started headbutting people to but he doesnt do that as much anymore. Why is he doing it, he doesnt see any violence at home ok he hears me telling off the girls but we dont hit or smack at all. My dd was never like this. I am always giving him attention so he isnt crying out for love. i just dont know what to do anymore, i feel like im doing something wrong

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DeviousDaffodil · 06/03/2007 09:10

It'snot bullying, he isn't doing it to be nasty. My ds 2 was like this, he did grow out of it, but if i took him anywhere I had to watch him like a hawk. If I could see the hitting coming on I would move him away.
In the end i did stop taking him to toddlers as I got fed up of the dirty looks from the other Mums.
He is 4 now , and a lovley boy with lots of friends. He does sometimes lash out but is dealt with accordingly.
It is a phase, but it is a horrrible one. You feel like you are forever saying 'NO'.

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colditz · 06/03/2007 09:11

he's not a bully, he's a baby. Keep removing him, telling him NO, and he will grow out of this.

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sunnysideup · 06/03/2007 09:14

totally normal, so many of them do this; he just needs you to be firm and consistent with a boundary about this; if ds did this at this age we put him down straight away, or moved him straight away, with a very firm 'NO we don't hit' or bite or whatever.

Ignore him for as long as he lets you, but I think don't expect him to stay sat there for long at all; just make sure that you immediately find him something else to do, a toy or book or whatever, to divert his attention. He then realises that when he's hitting he does not get any attention.

Move on from it, let him forget it, deal with it at the moment it happens but don't focus on it; he's not doing it to be naughty or with any malice, he is simply experimenting with his effect on things; and boys IME do seem to have a compulsion to hit! It must be something to do with testosterone and the compulsion to move the large muscle groups

HTH?

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jaynel · 06/03/2007 09:15

i am forever saying no, but he carrys on i move him away he goes back, i feel like im banging my head on a brick wall.

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jaynel · 06/03/2007 09:18

thanks sunnysideup. x

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Biglips · 06/03/2007 09:22

you might have to give him a firmer NO.....and a warning to go with it as i always use "Do that again and you will go to bed"....my 2.5 yrs old stops there and then...ive always had used this discipline since she was very young and you MUST carry it out too

Eg..if youre somewhere eg at a playgroup and your ds starts misbehaving...you have to give him a warning im afraid

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jaynel · 06/03/2007 09:24

when i say no he just laughs at me, he doesnt understand and thinks its a game so he wants to do it again

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Biglips · 06/03/2007 09:26

yes ive been thru it when my dd was 1 and i learnt to use my voice..

you will get there in the end - honest

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sunnysideup · 06/03/2007 09:32

I agree, work on a big and surprising "NO"

And yes, if he's really treating it as a game, perhaps you could try giving a warning that he will have to play on his own in his room for a minute if he does it again....or whatever you might think best. But if you threaten it, carry it through, so make it something you are prepared to do!

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Troutpout · 06/03/2007 10:32

Aww bless him...he's only a baby
Everyones said it but a yes ...big firm NO!...and remove him.
He'll grow out of it.

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Biglips · 06/03/2007 11:42

yes im afraid he is a baby but the earlier you do it then easier it gets..

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mumeeee · 06/03/2007 15:53

He is not a bully. He is to young to be a bully,just a normal phase that a lot of toddlers go through. Just say no in a firm voice and remove him from the situation.
It will take time but he will grow out of it.

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grouchyoscar · 06/03/2007 16:30

At 22 mths they do not have the malicious intent to be a bully.

He's pushing the boundaries and trying to get a reaction (my DS was the same at that age and was also label a bully) I was advised not to react, just move him away from the situation.

It worked but at 3.5 he did major boundary pushing, but I think we're over that (again)

Itwill sort itself out

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