oh help terrible twos and agression how to handle it

[donnacb]

Hi some helpful hints please. Had damion child today. where all not well and my ds has just been having one tantrum after another. I cant tell why most of the time accept his patients is thin and he gets angry sooo quickly. Throwing things scratching and pinching me. I tell it hurts ask him to stop which sends him into a bigger frenzy. Then I warn him if he does it again hell go in the naughty corner. Which is where he ended up for 15 mins because of waiting for an apology and staying where he should. So thinking he was tired i took him up for his nap he wanted cuddles. we did that twice i tried to put him down. huge tantrums. ( im also 7 months pregnant full ogf cold and feeling crap) inevitably i ended up shouting and then bawling my eyes out. i then laid on his floor and went to sleep and eventually he did. Still this pm still agressive when frustrated . 20 mins b4 out of naughty corner but nice bath and bed time. Is this just a bad day? Is this normal? What other suggestions can people give me that have worked for them. Cheers 4 any help. Donna

[luciemule]

Hello - sounded like a very bad day - I'm sure tomorrow won't be as bad! It's so much harder when you're pregnant too. It's all so knackering!
Just wanted to say that last night I was looking on the Supernanny website and they've got a 'clips' section where it shows you a small video of Supernanny teaching an American woman how to use her voice tone to discipline her naughty child. She keeps repeating different phrases such as "no - I don't like you doing that" and "well done (name of child) that's really good" etc. Anyway, I found it very useful (it was more detailed than what they show in the SN programme) and I've been implementing her techniques today - with some good behaviour after it.

[sunnysideup]

donna, sorry you are feeling so crap. My ds behaviour was ALWAYS worse if I was ill; you don't realise how just being that 20% under your normal quality of interaction with them, can produce the negative reaction. Not your fault you're ill, but it does have a lot to do with his behaviour I think. Nothing to be done about that, just remember we ALL have days like that.

What I would say is I think you made your day a lot harder with the naughty corner; working to make him stay there, and waiting for an apology is just useless IMO. At his age I really really think that if he's being aggressive, you need to withdraw your attention completely from him. Try to immediately distract him with something else more acceptable...if he were to continue to be like this despite all your efforts, I think it's MUCH more effective to give him a 2 minute (or less) time out in another room....returning a child to the naughty corner just turns things into a power struggle and a confrontation.

And personally I never forced an apology from my ds, I think it's pointless, he won't mean it or fully understand the concept of it really at his age; it's enough that he has a consequence for his behaviour, that he understands why he got the time out, and then you both MOVE ON straight away to having fun again......

i think just power struggle with him less. Forget the corner completely, and forget the apology until he's a bit older.

Some days just are more of a nightmare though, I think this was just a bad day really, we've all been there.

HTH?

[massagemum]

To be honest it does sound like a really bad day. Try to put yourself in his position, is there anything worrying or scaring him. Maybe he feels threatened by your pregnancy and doesn't understand what is happening to you? It can be really be upsetting for them. My children always surprise me by what information they have picked up from listening on my conversations when i think that they are busy playing.

[TheArmadillo]

with the naughty corner, like the naughty step I wouldn't put a 2yo in for more than 2 minutes.

Have you tried picking him up and taking him away from whatever he is doing, saying 'no' loudly and then distract them from whatever he was doing by suggesting something else? Or suddenly see something in the corner of the room? 'oh is that an areoplane' or summat similar.

I also only use naughty step in really really extreme behaviour. OTherwise, I just say no and distract him (doesn't always work, but usually does).

Sympathies though, from someone with a stubborn and headstrong 2yo ds, who will never ever say 'sorry' (we ask for a cuddle instead now).

[massagemum]

I used the naughty corner with my son from teh age of 1 year. He understood that he had to apologise (even though he couldn't speak he used his hand and placed it on your head to apologise) He accepted that and he is much more understanding of his boundries and what is the right kind of behavier.

[massagemum]

Sorry, just reread my post - makes me sound like a truly awful mum - i'm honestly not but i do believe in letting your children know where they stand and by his boundries i mean not being allowed to bite or kick your sisters (which was just one of his fazes that he went through.

[TheArmadillo]

its horses for courses, different styles for different kids.

USing naughty step with my ds can make him worse he gets himself worked up into a real temper and then his whole behaviour deteriorates.

I say no and then if he won't be distracted or carries on then I remove the items and completely ignore him until he does what I've asked him to.

Also if I'm getting really wound up I go somewhere like the kitchen (which is blocked by the baby gate) and calm down.

We all have bad days though, start afresh tomorrow.

[donnacb]

Thanks everyone. Ds at nursery today so having a rest. He had another tantrum this am because he didnt want his jumper on. I just said that if he doesnt ave it on he'll get cold and he tried to bite me. I said please dont do that it hurts and he tried again. so on advice from you guys i walked away and he came crying after me. I then offered him a cuddle and he calmed down much quicker. So I will try this for a while and hope.

I couldnt sleep last night because i felt so sorry for him feeling so angry and trying to work out ow to help him. Hopefully we will have a better weekend.

I love him to bits and try and tell him often. i take on board the pregnancy thing for him. Its just hard being a parent some times.

Thanks everyone for your support
Donnaxxxx

[donnacb]

Thanks everyone. Ds at nursery today so having a rest. He had another tantrum this am because he didnt want his jumper on. I just said that if he doesnt ave it on he'll get cold and he tried to bite me. I said please dont do that it hurts and he tried again. so on advice from you guys i walked away and he came crying after me. I then offered him a cuddle and he calmed down much quicker. So I will try this for a while and hope.

I couldnt sleep last night because i felt so sorry for him feeling so angry and trying to work out ow to help him. Hopefully we will have a better weekend.

I love him to bits and try and tell him often. i take on board the pregnancy thing for him. Its just hard being a parent some times.

Thanks everyone for your support
Donnaxxxx

[TheArmadillo]

glad you had a better day today - it is really hard sometimes isn't it. Just keep reminding yourself its just a phase

I found being pregnant hard enough, can't imagine doing it all with a toddler!

[foxybrown]

TBH, with my DD1 - and it sounds quite harsh, I'd say 'NO' very firmly, tell her it hurts me if she's been agressive, and put DD1 into her room (she's 2), timing her out for 2 mins. She'd scream and cry and then come out and say sorry. Now the very threat of being put in her room is enough to stop her tantrum. I always make her feel better with lots of cuddles, and then we move on and forget about it.
I feel for you, its really hard esp when you are PG. Be strong now, and stay firm. You'll probably be over this phases by the time new Lo is out. Best of luck