I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him.

[mytwopenceworth]

ds1. is. not. going. to. reach. his. 8th. birthday.

We are having ongoing problems with him behaving inappropriatly by showing us his bottom, kissing his brothers bottom and touching himself in front of us saying 'look look', saying 'kiss a bottom', 'comedy', 'kiss a wee wee' etc

He is obsessed with it and we have tried everything. everything. to get him to stop.

nothing is getting through to him. he does it again and again and again and again. each time laughing and appearing to not remember anything about every time before that he's done it and been told off or punished.

so today he's been at it. and told off. and done it again. and been told off. and done it again........ he laughs, every time.

and he gets enraged when pulled up on it.

i have just screamed at him. top of my lungs. to stop doing it. he screamed back at me and snatched a pair of scissors and lunged at me with them. i've grabbed them and i've just lost it and yelled at him to go to his bedroom. he stood there, screaming back then thrust his toy cat at me and wiggled his fingers where its bits would be and said 'kiss a wee wee' then LAUGHED!!!

i frogmarched him to his bedroom and he is screaming and smashing everything. you might think he was defying me by keep doing it but the look on his face after the kittenfiddling, when i escorted him upstairs - he was surprised. he just didnt get it.

i swear i am going to kill him.

i dont know what to do to get through to him. if he does this at school they are going to think something is being done to him, all this kiss a wee-wee stuff is not normal.

oh, he is autistic, btw, which doesnt help, esp with the temper and he's not got lots of speach.

he is just obsessed. i just want to shake him and dear god i want to hit him so hard, (i never would - i just mean i am so frustrated i want to lash out) but i find myself thinking does this mean he is going to grow up into a pervert, or what if he touches a child at school. he already touches his brother - kisses his bottom and yesterday he groped him. i grab him and stop him and try to stop before he (ds1) gets him (ds2), and i punish him - although this doesnt stop him - NOTHING stops him.

i am at a loss. i am almost reaching a point where i fear i am going to lose control and whack him. i am so angry and frustrated and also worried about the implications of this behaviour.

i am cross with myself that i shouted. shouting doesnt work with him, i know that. it just sends him into meltdown. but i am only human and i have reached the end of my tether with this.

he's still in his bedroom now, screaming and throwing everything and bashing what is probably various parts of himself against the walls and floor. i darent go up there in case i grab him and throw him against the wall myself.

i am at a loss. we have overcome so much. dealt with - and made a difference to - so many of his more, erm, challenging behaviours but we cant seem to get on top of this.

and as if it wasnt bad enough, ds2 (also autistic) is starting to copy ds1.

[liquidclocks]

Poor you - sounds like you could do with making a brew and having some time out yourelf! No advice as knowledge of autism is v poor but couldn't leave without posting. I do hope somebody comes along with more helpful words...

[fransrosesarered]

i'm sorry i'm not able to help you but keeping it bumped in case someone else can. good luck

[tubismybub]

No real advice but all I can say is I would talk to the school first and say that it a problem and that you are worried that he'll do it to others at school. That way they are pre prepared and are unlikely to have a knee jerk reaction of suspecting anything is going on.

Hope some comes along who can give you better advice.

[bambi06]

sympathies fo ryou, my ds is autistic[mildy thank god] but the obsessions once they get a hold are impossible arent they.have you spoke to school t o get hlp with the senco o radvisory teacher for your area..theyre usually pretty helpful with ideas..
maybe he sees you reacting and sees it as funny.often my son will laugh when i`ve told him off ..not because he thinks its funny but remember they dont alway use the appropriate reactions..have you tried using socail stories with him..i was surprised at how well they worked with my son when he didint quite understand something that i was trying to get through to him.

[mytwopenceworth]

thank you fransrosesarered and liquidclocks - a cuppa is a great idea - and thanks for caring to bump xxx

ta tubismybub - i noted it in his communication book - so there would be a record of it, and spoke to his lsa - who said something along the lines of it being normal development for a little boy (i disagree!) but i suspect i didnt get across exactly how bad it is so i'll tell her in more detail.

thanks bambi06, yes, when he gets fixated on something, it is so hard. he has a lot of support in school and like i say, i am going to tell them again - i maybe wasnt detailed enough to give them a good idea of what its like. i try to show no facial expression at times like this because it does set him off, but my face must have been something else today, i got so mad!! i am just so frustrated by him keep coming back doing it like he is sharing a joke with me and each time he is genuinly surprised that i dont laugh along with him! i do use social stories - and quite often they have been very helpful, but not this time, sadly.

[fransrosesarered]

i hope things get better for you both

[WigWamBam]

Oh, MTPW ... I don't know what to say. I have no experience of autism and have no idea what to suggest, but I couldn't not post.

It sounds horrendously stressful, and I agree that you need a sit-down, a cup of tea and some space to breathe.

And hey, don't beat yourself up about shouting at him. You're only human; it would be a rare person indeed who could cope with this without losing it sometimes.

Hope things get better for you, and that someone comes along with some really good advice.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

oh bugger MTPW

No advice here either, but, I know you dont need all this stress right now.

[LucyJones]

This must e so hard for you. Is there anyone else you can talk to outside of school? Health visitor or paedatrican perhaps?

[bigcar]

Sorry to hear your probs! My ss is severly autistic. He went through slightly similar stage, (he goes to a special school) the school said it was quite normal as boys start to become more aware of their bodies, and due to their autism cant express themselves in a normal way. They used social stories to explain the difference between boys and girls and about peoples personal space and what is acceptable when he is on his own and when with others. So far it seems to have worked! I agree though, obsessions are a bugger to break, some are worth the trouble though. Getting rid of TTTE is totally beyond us!

[mytwopenceworth]

thanks guys. it is very helpful to be able to vent in a safe place. especially since he's just come downstairs and started it all over again.

i just can't get through to him, no matter what i try.

i have never let autism be a 'get out of jail free' card. never been one of those 'he cant help it, he's autistic' people, who let their child get away with everything, saying they (the child) cant control themselves. always come down on bad/inapropriate behaviour hard and fast and so far, it's worked. ok it takes time and its hard, but its worked.

this is the first time that i have hit a wall that i cant punch through (eventually). but i cannot, just cannot accept that there are behaviours i cant change. but i am just not seeing the signs that i have seen when i have been able to modify his behaviours before. i really really need to be able to make him behave appropriatly to function in the world.

i am really angry now.

[ohsmellyjelly]

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[mytwopenceworth]

thats very helpful bigcar. he went thru similar? how long did it last? i have tried social stories - dont suppose you have a copy of the one you used?

[mytwopenceworth]

thanks ohsmellyjelly. i can only speak for my 2, but yes, ignoring can work very well. in fact, i tried it for this but it didnt help. he is too far 'into it' for that.

[ohsmellyjelly]

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[mytwopenceworth]

i ignored it at first, for over a month. but when it reached the point of him fondling his brother, i felt that it was too much to ignore. the difference i think is that nt kids will do something for a reaction whereas he is doing it for himself, what i feel is irrelevant to him! but that doesnt mean i have to accept that! i have to make him change.

[gscrym]

Is there any form of respite you could get, just so you could have a break from it.

[ohsmellyjelly]

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[bigcar]

This stage probably lasted a couple of months im afraid, but did start improving after the school started the social stories. This was designed for him by the school using the makaton symbols which he responds well to, unfortunately i cant lay my hands on any copies as this was a while ago.
The most effective one was about personal space, involving pictures of his bedroom which he had free access to and siblings room which he had to knock before going in, it sounds odd but it did work.
The other one was about children playing together and had happy faces when they were not touching and sad faces when inappropriate touching was happening (done in makaton signs, not photos). His school have a soft play area in which they encouraged the children to play more appropriately.
Another suggestion was that it could be his attempt to make friends, but that he didnt know how to go about it.
I hope this helps, i know how your feeling!

[Blu]

M2PW - I have no experience or knowledge of autism at all - but I do know that DS has now embarked on a career of being obsessed with saying 'poo-wee-wee-bottom' as much as possible which i expect to last until he hits puberty, and that the other week he let slip that he and his best friend had taken to 'sitting on each other's tummies with no pants on''. It's normal in NT children, so I see no reason why it wouldn't be normal in autistic children, however aggravating it is for us adults!

Also i do remember JimJams (who has a 7 year-old autistic ds) saying that reacting - by laughing etc - to things her ds does is a sure way to encourage him, so I wonder whether your constant admonishment isn't encouraging him to seek even more exciting attention? But i don't know if 'ignoring' works with autistic children.

Honestly - I would put this on the SN board with a specific heading, and someone will definitley have experience!

Good luck.

[ohsmellyjelly]

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[saintmaybe]

Oh MTPW, poor you. My autistic ds2 is 8 and has similar behavours; his obsessions have often been quite 'sensual' and based around other people, so for a while it was blowing raspberries on other people's tummies (bad enough in-family, but did progress to strangers), then stroking women's hair, and now it does seem that he's hitting that age, that obsession with bodies that I guess they all do, but is so much easier to manage in other children. I suppose other children learn to manage it themselves; that's part of it.

I do worry; he's been in trouble before at (special) school for obsessively hassling one of the girls, it passed, but his compulsions are very strong, and although he's a sweet, giggly affectionate love it's hard for me not to project into the future and wonder how it's going to be.

And so much harder for us to deal with challenging behaviours that really touch a nerve in us; I know with him so much of the work we've done with him that's been really successful has been when we're calm and clear-headed, and it's harder to be like that when you're a bit freaked out by what he's doing. We did son-rise with him in the past, and I'm thinking of calling them as they've often had good ideas.

Social stories sound like a good idea, I've written some for him myself in the past, but not sure how to approach this one.
It goes on doesn't it?

{{{hugs}}}

[Troutpout]

Aww i remember your posts from before m2pw...sounds sooooooo hard.
ds (9) has an asd and has his fair share of obsessions. Cut yourself some slack about losing it and shouting...i've been there too.
I have no wise words (sorry) but just wanted to say i hope things improve soon for you and you and your boy

[julesrose]

This might sound daft but may work you never know...if he likes smarties empty one of those little boxes in to a bowl. Tell him thay are all for him - after supper. But - every time he does what you don't want (and be really specific) a smartie gets put in the bin. Might have to do it for a few weeks until behaviour is fully extinguished....

[julesrose]

This might sound daft but may work you never know...if he likes smarties empty one of those little boxes in to a bowl. Tell him thay are all for him - after supper. But - every time he does what you don't want (and be really specific) a smartie gets put in the bin. Might have to do it for a few weeks until behaviour is fully extinguished....