Year 6 DD - How does your dc behave?

[monkeytree]

Hi
My dd is 10 and in year 6. She is a bright girl, recently passed grammar school test for top girls grammar in the county. She was also chosen to be lead part in school play by an independent drama teacher. School teachers have nothing but good things to say about her. I love my dd and always will it's just sometimes her behaviour I don't like
DD seems to be a minimalist - I don't want to say lazy but I'm afraid it feels that way. She leaves stuff everywhere including empty crisp packets in the lounge. She is always taking short cuts to get jobs done for instance I asked her to get her younger a dd a glass of milk for bed, she found a glass of old milk and tried to give dd that instead of pouring a fresh glass of milk - admittedly the old milk should have been poured away but was an oversight. DD knew she should have got fresh milk though. Other things like putting clean clothes in the dirty laundry because she can't be bothered to put them away or wearing clothes once and putting the clothes in the dirty laundry. Until we asked her to, she would never offer to help carry the grocery shopping in - just jump out of the car and run inside, she never volunteers to help in any situation. We have set her a list of tasks such as laying the table etc. in a bid to get her to help out more. I just wonder if anyone else's dc behaves this way i.e mainly thinks of themselves would rather watch TV etc. I am trying to convince myself that this is usual 10 year old behaviour.
The second thing that has got to me recently is all the 'I wants'. Even in the supermarket she nags constantly - I do say no but she has her own pocket money (that she will do jobs for if there is money involved) she seems to spend money on rubbish, that's fine but it's the continual I want a dog, I want a pony, I want pony riding lesson - we have been taking her horse riding - a friend has helped out letting her ride over the summer for free but has stopped over winter. I want to go pony riding three times a week. I want a phone, I want a mp3 player, I want, want want. Our main topic of conversation seems to be what she wants....I can't wait for Christmas etc. She also seems to worry a lot about what children are saying at school and has got worried about her appearance, always comparing herself - apparently someone is calling her ugly, she isn't she is actually pretty and I reassure her that whoever is doing this is probably lacking confidence themselves and putting other people down. She needs to know that herself though somehow. I don't know perhaps I'm expecting too much, it just seems that parenting has got harder in some ways now she is a pre teen. I don't really have anyone in real life to bounce things off - I do have a couple of friends but they are busy and we don't sit down with a cuppa often enough to exchange notes.

[BoyGirlBoy3]

Sounds pretty normal to me, my 10 year old boy won't make a drink for himself, let alone another sibling.

I would never give fresh laundry to my 10 year old, it wouldn't be fresh for long! I put it away in his wardrobe its quicker!

I think 10-14 year old children, do need a lot of reassurance, from parents. I read that girls need to hear from there dads that they look pretty, are 'good looking', or which ever words you prefer.

Is there a bin in the lounge, or wherever she is eating snacks with wrappers, we put bins in these areas, they do use them mostly. Cut down on the snacks on offer!

I remember, i have 2 older dc, that it can seem very strange, a perfectly ordinary item of clothing, can become unwearable, due to some strange system of rules, they pick up by osmosis from school.

I think in terms of what they want, less is more, give less, they will be more grateful when they do receive something, and will ultimately expect less. Those first jobs at 14/15/16 only pay a few pounds an hour, if they have been spoiled they won't want to work for that.

They turn out alright dispite the apparent laziness, my daughter is hardworking now, age 16, makes nice cups of tea etc. It doesn't all have to be achieved at once, another thought, my older son, around 12, went to someone else house, and when i collected hm, they said how polite and helpful he was, they do know how to behave the kids, they just like to relax at home i think!

[DoItTooJulia]

Yep, totally normal. My ds is now Y7 and is still a bit like it, although it's improving.

I'm just a bit tougher about it all now. When he started at his school (also a grammar) I laid down some rules like if I find a single piece of uniform on the floor-no computer time. Bag must be packed the night before school. No computer time until any home work is done and room is vaguely tidy.

I think secondary school is helping-he's learning to be more independent. But that said, I still picked two wet towels up off his bedroom floor this morning.

Like pp said, I do lots of reassurance but I'm also a bit strict. I see it as setting him up for the future-who wants a husband that can't pick up after himself and organise himself? (Next project is cooking independently-we call it the good husband way!)

[CookieDoughKid]

I had a huge fight with my husband this morning as it has been 3 days and he still hasnt picked his clothes off the floor to put in the laundry basket. Husband now pinning on his time constraint reasons on me and now his threatening all sorts. I feel like his mother. Sorry it is a rant but I vow to come on strong about discipline with my kids. What you are experiencing is normal. I feel don't let them get away with it. Train them YOUNG. Fwiw, I have 2 male lodgers who are very tidy and clean and both said they had very strong mothers!!

[NancyJoan]

Sound exactly like my DD. Also 10, also essentially lazy, self absorbed. No advice, but much sympathy.

[monkeytree]

Thank you ladies, I needed the reassurance - I thought I had done something very wrong bringing dd up but perhaps the turning point will come when she starts secondary school. Yes - can relate to the wet towel on the floor thing!

[PatriciaHolm]

Pretty normal, I'd say! DS, who is apparently a joy to have in a class, helpful, proactive, etc, seems to revert to amoeba status at home. He will help if asked, but it just doesn't occur to him spontaneously to throw things away most of the time.

DD (12) is definitely better though!