My 7 year old son is really clingy!

(4 Posts)
Sawline Sun 20-Nov-16 17:05:30

I've been having problems with being a mum lately... My son is 7 years old and just hangs around the feet of me and his dad. This is becoming a real problem for me because as horrible as it sounds its making me feel like I don't like him, and I feel terrible about that.
He isn't a naughty kid, he's not shy, he does great at school, has lots of friends, at a kids party he is quite happy to go off and play, he stays at other houses without a fuss, but when its just the three of us in the house (we don't have any other kids), he just can't be on his own, he never plays in his bedroom on his own as I remember doing when I was his age.
I just can't understand why at his age he doesn't want any independence. The problem is he spends a lot of time at home with us so its really noticeable to me how clingy he is. As an experiment we sent him to play in his room so we could have a moment of peace within 15 minutes he was crying and saying how lonely he was. I don't understand why he has to be around us all the time. It's affecting mine and my partners work because we can't get anything done because he is constantly trying to talk to us, his dad can't even go into the kitchen to put the kettle on without being followed by our son.
I probably sound really mean, and I definitely feel like a horrible mum, but sometimes I just look at him and think 'for gods sake go away', I was never the kind of kid who always wanted to be around my parents so I find it hard to empathize with him, and I just don't think its healthy for a 7 year old to have as little independence as he does.
I'm really starting to resent him and I feel awful about that, I would just like one afternoon where he could just go play in his room or do something in the house without having to have us there.
In every other way he is quite independent, like I said at the beginning but as soon as he finishes school or it's the weekend he has to be there in the room with us, the fact that he is happy to stay at other houses or play with kids without me or his dad being there confuses me even more, and makes me even more resentful because I feel like he is hanging around so much on purpose to annoy me, but I know that's completely irrational, so I just wonder why he can't be on his own? It's really becoming a problem. Sorry if I sound like a total monster.

SilverLinings2014 Sun 20-Nov-16 22:20:35

Were you an only child too? If not you can't really understand what it's like for him. Kids need to be around people their own age.
Sounds like he just lonely. Can you organise more play dates for him, some sleep overs maybe and get him in some clubs to fill his time a bit more?

dietcokeandwine Sun 20-Nov-16 22:59:10

Tbh I think the fact he's an only child is a bit of a red herring.

My 7yo, who is the middle child of 3 siblings, can be exactly like this. He too is very sociable with lots of friends at school, does very well academically, is confident in any extra curricular activity - but seems incapable of entertaining himself at home. Unless he can play on the Ipad hmm

At the same age, my DS1 (now 12) was brilliant at playing on his own - hours playing Lego etc. Little DS3 (aged 3) is also very good at making up his own games and entertaining himself and happily trots off to his room to play.

DS2 just wants company and interaction. All. The. Time. He would never trot off to his room to play. He doesn't actually play with toys, really. Ever. Unless DS3 has set up a game with some toys which DS2 might then join in with. DS2 was given a stack of new toys by school friends at his recent birthday party; they are almost all unopened.

It is wearing, OP, and I do feel for you but I wouldn't describe it as a lack of independence as such. Clearly your boy can be independent - if he wasn't, he wouldn't be as confident as he is with school, friends etc. It's most likely just that he likes being around you and needs the stimulus of that interaction.

I know it's hard but try not to feel irritated. Use screen time to give yourselves a break, if that works. Does your boy like reading, or colouring/drawing/sticker books etc? Something where he can be in the same room as you but quietly occupied so he is not 'in your face' so much?

Some kids just like being around people all the time and I suspect your DS (and mine) are simply those kind of kids.

OzzieFem Mon 21-Nov-16 10:57:44

Sounds like the ideal time to get a male interested in housework! Have you tried giving him some jobs he doesn't like doing, then maybe he won't hang around? wink

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