My son won't play without me at his friends

[klainsco42]

Hi, I have an eight year old boy. He is quite outgoing, but he won't play at his friends without a member of family being with him. I am concerned because his friends have been playing away from home for years. He says he is not ready. I feel under pressure because both sets of grandparents are worried, that there is no sign of this changing. How do you handle a situation like this? Should I let things continue or take the stance of setting a date for a future play at a friends house on his own. Encourage him and say that he has to start now, and not be too worried about his protests.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

How is he with friends over at yours?

Oh and when a grown up is at a friend's with him, what does the grown up do? Expected to join in or just "be there"?

Maybe start slow, with a good friend who has a Mum/dad you can enlist for help. Go over to play, but pop out for 20 mins with lots of reassurance from other parent. Next time, 30 or 45 mins.

What exactly is it that makes him feel or say he is not ready? Is he anxious that the friend will treat him unkindly or what? That you will forget to pick him up? Maybe getting to the bottom of that will help.

[ZeroDarkHurty]

I think it's quite self-aware that he tells you he's not ready, even if most kids that are are ready. My children are younger, so I can't speak from direct experience. Is he happy to have other people babysit while you go out? Is he OK visiting close family members' homes alone (eg grandparents, aunts/uncles)? Does he properly know the parents of the kids whose homes he's visiting (ie not just met them a few times but you've all spent time together so he knows them more than to say hi)? Is he happy to run off and play with the children so long as he knows a family member is around somewhere? If he was overly nervous of babysitters or staying overnight anywhere, or wouldn't run off and play with his friends but instead needed to always see you/his dad/the adult in charge, then I suppose I'd be a little more concerned but if it's just that he likes to know you're around somewhere nearby then I personally wouldn't be too worried.

[knaffedoff]

I have a child nearly 8 who is the same, I don't worry tbh. I do however worry about his younger brother who is the exact opposite and needs reigning in

[klainsco42]

Hi thanks for all your replies. My son is fine with having friends over to mine. When I'm with him at his friends he is off playing on his own with his friend. He just seems to fear me leaving. He is worried I might get lost or not come back or says he doesn't know the other parents very well when he has known them for years. Also he is ok with the rest of the family on his own.