3 yr old son naughty in nursery... at wits end!!

[Dmstacey76]

If anyone can give advice I would be very grateful as I feel like crying right now! My son started nursery last September and his behaviour in nursery is getting out of control. He is hitting teachers, having tantrums when told to do something and today he put the plug in sink in the toilets turned the taps on flooded the toilets then sat himself in the sink full of water, not only that he also got hold of a marker pen wrote all over himself then wrote on a teachers back and when told give the marker pen back he then ran over to the units and wrote all over them too!! It's getting to the point where I dread picking him up as I don't know what they're going to say he's done. At home he's nothing like that he's almost the opposite, don't get me wrong he's not an angel and he does have the odd tantrum as all 3 yr olds do but nothing like the way he behaves in nursery. I feel I should explain a bit about our background as I know this will have an affect on the advice given. I am a mother of 8 children and he is the youngest, 2 of my children are adults and don't live at home, we lost my partner almost 2 years ago in a tragic car accident so I'm a lone parent. Even tho he's too young to remember his dad he's very much kept alive by myself and my other children and he knows who his dad is. He's also got speech problems which the nursery have referred him for and asked me to have his hearing checked (he's got doc app on Monday) although this has always been a worry and he's had his hearing checked 3 times and they've always come back ok. He's by no means slow in other ways, he knows his numbers, colours and shapes and is quite forward in that way. If anyone can give me any advice I would very grateful. Thank you.

[SpeakNoWords]

To me it seems like the nursery aren't helping here. They should have a plan for how to manage his behaviour and to minimise the risk of things happening. He cannot have been supervised enough if he could fill the sink with water and sit in it before anyone noticed.

Have you had meetings with them where they've put forward their plan for addressing his behaviour? They could monitor him more closely, they could try a reward chart for good behaviour. Are they using strategies to help him express himself given his speech delay? Does he get enough access to an outdoor space where he can indulge his curiosity without causing mayhem?

[Dmstacey76]

They've done nothing bar tell me what he's doing plus they tell me in front of other parents which I feel totally belittled and think they all must think he's such a naughty little boy when he's truly not, I'm going to have a word today and tell them my feelings I think they need to support him more rather than just tell me as I'm not there when it happens so what exactly can I do!! Thank you for the response x

[longdiling]

Are there any other nurseries you could look at? The difference between his behaviour at home and school would worry me. Is he bored?! Is there not adequate supervision?! They should be calling you in for a proper meeting not just telling you at pick up in front of everyone

[knaffedoff]

I am sorry, personally I would to move settings. I think there is an issue around lack of supervision and they are blaming your child and humiliating you both. Just dreadful x

[SpeakNoWords]

Yes, I would look to find a better nursery as they sound very passive and unhelpful.

[NightNightBadger19962]

It might not be available in your area, but I would try to get a referral to an infant mental health specialist in CAMHS, as his attachments I imagine will have been affected by your understandable grief and trauma at the time of his infancy, and help NOW gives him a better chance of doing better in the future. Of course that is about you being willing to go through the therapy process to really learn what his needs are and implement what you are being advised. You also need a nursery that really understands and are willing to put a special plan in place. You will need to fight like a tiger to get his needs met I am afraid. Try to get your GP on your side, and the health visitor team. Try to ask for a nursery and home observation if you can. Good luck .

[chocolatecakemakesmefat]

Would def get the hearing checked ds (4) this month had glue ears , hardly any speech and was temporarily deaf from it , his behaviour was terrible he was obviously frustrated that no one could understand him and he couldn't hear what others were saying - he also has autism could that be an option? My sons worse round about other children