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Behaviour/development

Help! Tantrums and crying 16 mo.

10 replies

buckyou · 26/10/2016 14:48

I just can't seem to do the right thing for my 16mo at the moment, she is driving me up the wall!! She kicks off at the smallest thing and moans and whines when we are round the house but then massively kicks off if i take her out to the shops etc. I just don't know what to do!!

I'm working from home today so my mum comes to help me. She's just taken her out but before she went she had a massive hissy fit getting changed, then because I turned off the TV, then getting into the car. Took her out on Monday and we ended up going for a pub lunch and she spend the whole time moaning and trying to drag me out of the pub, then her other grandparents came to see her and she just didn't want to be anywhere near them and was pulling me away from them into different rooms (they live far away so she doesn't see them that often). She's generally just being a right little madam! She is right under the cloud of the last wonder week and has got a bit of a cold but otherwise i don't think there's anything wrong with her. She's happy / sweet when she wants to be and is eating / sleeping ok.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing to try and stop her from being so grumpy? Or if it's just something i need to endure and is totally normal??

My husband just sent me a link basically saying it's because she feels disconnected from her caregiver and isn't getting the attention she needs which has made me feel awful. Then other things you read say that I should ignore her / naughty step etc. WTF are you meant to do!!??

Can anyone help? Sad mummy here.

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KindergartenKop · 26/10/2016 16:08

Try warning her about changes in activity 'in 5 mins we are going to the shops'.
'In one min we are going to get in the pushchair and go to the shops'

Also between 1 and 2 is a clingy age. It's coz she loves you!

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KindergartenKop · 26/10/2016 16:09

I also use rice cakes as bribes to get them in the pushchair.

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QueenOfHumboldtCounty · 26/10/2016 18:38

My 16 mo DD is the same, I think it's because they become aware they have power if they throw a hissy fit and also because they can't control their emotions - everything is a massive - for 5 mins anyway. I try not to let it be a big deal for me but not leave her alone/ignore her if you see what I mean. So I just talk a lot to her and then carry on with the actions. If she's not letting me dress her (current fave) I leave her for 5 mins or chase her and get her giggling and try and change the mood first. Or if it's other people that are upsetting her, I try taking her off on her own one-to-one for a bit (that's really all they want anyway) or sit in the room with her on my lap with a book or box of peppa pig stuff etc, but these things are also tricky as I've got an almost 4 yo as well so she just has to tow the line most of the time. These reactions are nothing compared to what they can do at two and three! But I'd say it's normal and will subside a bit when they can talk more, then it's a while other ball game!

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buckyou · 26/10/2016 19:05

Thanks that's really useful. I think I'm a bit hormonal (25 weeks pregnant) which is making it worse. Just find it hard to know what to do for the best. I'm quite laid back with her most of the time but then have the occasional wobble that she must need more disapline or something. But I don't really feel like shes old enough to understand much yet.

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QueenOfHumboldtCounty · 26/10/2016 19:12

No definitely not old enough for discipline IMO, would just confuse/upset her. I think they become so independent in so many ways around this age we forget they're still so young really. Ahhh and congrats on the pregnancy! Best of luck with everything.

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waitingforsomething · 28/10/2016 03:46

I think your husband's link is entirely uneccessary. I doubt she is feeling disconnected from you presuming you spend some time with her and meet her basic needs.

16 months is still just a baby really, they don't have many words, they have a will but no sense of reason (which is what makes for tantrums) so communication is tough on both sides. They get bored at home but can't manage large amounts of time out the house doing something.

Her behaviour is completely normal for a young toddler. DD was like it and grew out of it later in her second year when she talked well. DS is 15.5 months and exactly like you describe your DD.

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AmeliaJack · 28/10/2016 03:53

She's just being 16 months!

Their emotions are all over the place and sometimes come out in strange ways.

Never ever ever give in to tantrums but that doesn't necessarily mean shouting and punishing. It might mean ignoring/ distracting/ redirecting depending on the child.

Low, firm, positive voice with eye contact works well.

She's 16 months she can't pull you where you don't want to go but it's not unusual to feel shy of relatives she doesn't see much.

Sometimes they just need a big hug and a firm voice.

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buckyou · 28/10/2016 14:25

Thanks guys. As long as she sounds normal I'm happy. Was just worried I was doing something wrong!

Toddlers are hard! Already!

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MooseBeTimeForSnow · 28/10/2016 14:37

That link your husband sent applies to him too. How much time does HE spend with her when he's home?

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buckyou · 28/10/2016 14:54

He's quite good. We have dinner together then he normally has some rough and tumble play with her and then he baths her then I put her to bed. We spend the weekend as a family. He didn't mean for me to take it in the way I did but I seemed to read a different article to what he did!

Shes hardly starved of attention she's a bit of a spoilt only child if anything! I'm seeing things a bit more clearly today and have a happy child so all' s good.